written December 31 2017

I am sure that many are wondering if I am just crazy with the stories of aliens and military abductions and UFOs and everything. For a look inside my mind I am going to do the Rorschach Test. It is a test where you look at images that are not really depicting anything but you state what your brain thinks the image looks like it is depicting. Different people will give different answers to the same pictures. Here is a video that explains the Rorschach Test and from which I have taken the images. I follow the instructions on the video to look at each image for 10 seconds and I get to turn the image around at angle angle.

If you want to do the test for yourself then it is a good idea that you do not look at my answers first because then it can plant ideas into your head and ruin the test for when you want to do it.

My Results

Image 1. I see the woman's pelvis. It is an anatomical picture like from an anatomy book with the skeleton showing the woman's hip bones. But it also shows the female reproductive system with the ovaries, womb, and vaginal canal, both images overlapped.

Next, looking at the "right answers" in the video, a female figure is commonly seen by people in the middle. I should have also said how I "feel" about the woman. I did not feel anything about the image, because to me it was just an image from an anatomical textbook. Does that mean that I look at myself in the same impersonal way? Or is it just the consequence of having taken anatomy classes in college and that I studied pre-medicine and have an interest in science and medicine? I would say that the pelvis was of any woman, from a textbook, and that I held no judgement about her character whatsoever, she is what she is and that is how the woman's body is made and it is fine.

Image 2. The first thing I notice are the red lips, pouting as if ready to offer a kiss. And the red eyes on the top are closed and have red eye-shadow makeup. She is a woman out on a date, she is sitting by the round dinner table and there are lit candles for ambience behind her. The lighting in the restaurant is dimmed and has brown colors in the room. There is of course a man sitting opposite to her at the table and it is a wonderful and romantic date and she feels that she is feeling sensual and sexy, she is wearing a perfect black dress and this is a wonderful date and life is good. The black parts are her face and cheeks and you actually even see her nose.

Results: The most common answer is to see two clowns or two females. This card tells about a person's relationship to other people. If you don't see two figures, then it means you have problems relating to others. TRUE. I have huge issues with spending time with other people. Although I love spending time with family and a few close friends, I much prefer to spend time alone. I also have friends that I talk to over the internet, but I really do not enjoy spending time with most people and am very much a loner extremely so, for example tonight happens to be New Year's Eve but I couldn't be bothered going out with people to celebrate. But it's also because I have different interests and different life experiences than other people, so being with other people wouldn't be meaningful, instead being with other people means I have to think before I speak and to keep my true feelings and thoughts hidden, for instance I can't talk about being a Star Person (alien incarnation into human body) or about the UFOs or about my alien contacts, so I'd rather just be alone. I'm also not impressed with most people because most people like harmful or meaningless things like smoking cigarettes (cancer) and alcohol (dementia and deterioration and brain damage) or shoe shopping (how is that more interesting than say for instance archaeology or history?). I'm just not bothered, and I'm quite happy on my own with a video or a book I hope that's not a mental illness.

The quiz then asks to say what the two figures are doing. I see that they are in that case two Asian women with red hats (not clowns) and they are holding the palms of their hands together, but I really do not like to see the image that way, for some reason looking at it as two figures with hands pressed together feels scary, it's something about the big white space in between the two that makes it feel wrong (my brain detests that image). They are not fighting however, they are friendly and supportive to one another, they are like a team that like to go to market together where they can shop for vegetables and other foods, that is how I see the image if I am forced to see it as two figures. They are twins or sisters. Aha, twins makes them again almost be just one person, so I guess my mind likes it to be one, even when I am forced to see it as two people! And if it is those two Asian or Chinese twin sisters with long black hair who are holding the palms of their hands together, the lower red part is their knees against each other's knees. But they really have to be twins and oddly their faces look like mine, so even as two women I see them as a form of me and they are twins which again makes them sort of just me. I definitely have problems relating to other people.

The quiz says that if I see them holding hands peacefully then it means I am a person who is calm and sweet and that I won't hurt anyone even if someone is mean to me. That is absolutely true I am very loving and kind.

Image 3. I see a happy smiling frog and if I turn it upside down I see a penguin holding its arms up.

Don't feel stupid if you got the wrong answer. That is supposed to look like me. - Hamish says as I am drawing the lines and text to say how this looks like a frog.
This was not stupid, if it looks like me. - Hamish
It has got my mouth. And my funny face. - Hamish
But I do not have laughter. And my face is not that funny. And? Does it also smell like me? - Hamish
Hello. I am Richard. I would like to tell you what I see. I see two guys going out for beer. I see a socializing image. - Richard, probably Swansea
You see two guys going out for beer? I see a smiling happy frog! - me
Well, good luck to you! You are definitely a looney one. I am only kidding of course. Why don't you wanna see two guys going out for a beer? Are you that lonely? - Richard
Let me do the test now, Richard. - me
I would take you out for beers. - Richard
No you wouldn't, because I don't drink beer. But I would definitely go out with you. IF I can talk to you about aliens and UFOs, otherwise not. - me
I am not sure if you are THAT much of a loner, if a guy really can ask you out. - Richard
I am just trying to be helpful. - Richard to others probably to aliens
Can I go on with the test now? I have got 8 more pictures, or seven of them, still to do. - me

Hey, Derek did not want to do this! - Richard
I am very proud. - Hamish in my native language, happy about his large hump back central in his camel posture
I don't like those pictures anymore. Because they have shown my animosity. And? Have you seen my back? - Hamish
We don't want to use you for MKULTRA. But I guess we have to. - Richard
Let me continue with the pictures. - me


I see two guys that are out for a beer, and making a toast. - Richard says and I could not only hear his words but I could also taste the taste of beer from his thoughts, yuck and I don't even like beer!

Why weren't you seeing anyone who looks like me? - Hamish, he said "who looks like" or "that looks like", I forgot after he said it

The frog's head or face has its eyes closed, I have drawn the creases of its closed eyes that go center across its eyes. It has pointy cheekbones or cheeks and a big smile! The red bits on the sides I cannot say that they belong to the body of the frog at all. Seeing the frog makes me feel very happy!

If I turn the picture upside down then I see a penguin that is holding its arms up. The penguin is not happy, rather it is feeling concerned. It even has the red bowtie that is often drawn on cartoon penguins that are wearing a black tuxedo. There is even a pointy nose. But I really don't like how this penguin is feeling, it is holding its arms up like in surrender and giving up from some difficult task that bothers it and makes it feel a bit cranky and uncomfortable, so I really preferred to turn the picture back the other way and see the happy frog that makes me feel very happy!

Oh, this was also supposed to be two people. At least Richard (I think it is Captain Richard Swansea) is getting good scores on this quiz seeing two people in the previous one.

I would just like to see me, I am also very talented. So I do not like those pictures, Tok! I do not see any homo- or heterosexuals. I am only able to see me in them. So, do they like to eat or have any Toast? I would ask them. - Hamish about this picture, as it is revealed at the end of this picture that it can reveal about homo- or heterosexuality in humans whether one sees two males or two females or two androgynous figures in it

The video says, "As you can guess, this inkblot is supposed to determine your sexual preference." Hahah, is my sexual preference happy frogs? However, when I force myself to see two figures, then I definitely see two females because of the pointy breasts, and they are holding one red ball in between them, but my brain rejects the image and does not like all the white space in between again and much prefers to go back to seeing the one happy smiling face of a frog. So if I see two females I am a homosexual person? How does one not see the pointy perky breasts. But I am heterosexual. I am not a lesbian just because I notice that the two figures could not possibly be men because of the pointy breasts. What kind of man has pointy breasts? Why would it make me a lesbian if I cannot imagine a male figure to have pointy perky breasts like that, hey? Going back to the much-preferred smiling frog because it is just so very happy and cheers me up.

Since I do not see the two persons immediately, according to the test I feel hesitant or not comfortable around others. That is true to some extent but not fully true.

Oh I just noticed, heheh. As I was preparing the next picture I thought to myself quite upset and angry that if these figures in image 3 could represent males then I would expect to see a penis in there because what kind of man doesn't have a penis. I then looked at image 3 again and whoops, they actually do have penises, and not only did I notice the perky breasts first, I did not see the erect penises at all until now that I looked in the groin area to see that none would be there. Does that mean I am a lesbian? I don't fantisize about women, only about men. I'll just go back to the smiling happy frog image which was nothing sexual at all, or perhaps it represents an escape from sexuality. This is getting too awkward.

Image 4. This one is an angry bull or actually it is a wild boar. The wild boar is feeling serious and it has tusks and floppy ears that hang downward. If I turn it upside down then there is a parrot. I prefer the image of the parrot more than the image of the wild boar.


The parrot is better because its eyes are open and visible. The parrot is a bright yellow with green color and it lives in a rainforest.

Results. This is the father card and tells about feelings toward authority. I did feel that the wild boar is very serious, but also strong, but something that I wanted to avoid because I preferred to see the brighter parrot that has its eyes open. I did not feel that the wild boar was aggressive or dangerous, but its presence is strong but uncomfortable yes because it feels too serious and mighty, although it would never hurt me, even if it has sharp tusks it is not a dangerous animal.

I cannot see any head. Can you please excuse me. - Hamish, first sentence in my other language
Wait a moment Hamish, and I will then next ask you to tell me what you see on those images. - me
Mine, back, Tok Tok Tok. - Hamish preoccupied with his proudness of his back

Image 5. The first one is a bat but I did not like that its wings are down, but when I turned it the other way around it is a sea animal that lives in the ocean, its head is to the side instead of seen from the back, although the body we see is the back of it and not the front. And it has a strange beak with pincer like mandibles, it is a frightening animal and creepy and disgusting, I would not want to have it on me, but at least it is not weak like the bat with the wings down. I prefer creepy over weak. The sea animal is an orange with some yellow color and the ocean is a beautiful colorful coral reef where it lives.

Tuk Tuk. - Hamish says to me
Tuk Tuk! - me to Hamish

The bat was also seen from the back.


This is supposed to only be either a bat or a butterfly. The video says, "If you see more things here than you did in card 4 or 6, you might have schizophrenia." Well I haven't seen card 6 yet, but card 4 with the wild boar definitely has a lot more content and character than this puny little bat which I turned around because the creepy sea creature was better than the weak bat.

You saw a frog's head but not mine. I was going to say Yes-No about that. - Hamish about the earlier image of the happy smiling frog

Image 6. The right way around I saw a green plant, but I much preferred it turned the other way around. It is the head of a white sheep and I mostly notice its kind friendly wise and warm eyes. It has its red tongue out and is eating some green plants, but it is the kindness and warmth seen mostly through its eyes that I see the most. Let me guess, people are supposed to see a penis shaft here, but that is not what I see.

I feel sorry for you, for seeing those things. - Hamish in my other language, I am browsing for a picture of a sheep's head which looks similar to what I saw and have been looking at pictures of sheep now for about two minutes, then Hamish said that, he means because I see a sheep's head in the picture

So this card reveals my subconscious sexual attitude. The fact that I prefer to see the eyes of a warm kind sheep and to not see a penis does that mean that sexuality is not the most important thing in my life, because it isn't. Actually, I value more in myself my wisdom and warmth than just some sexuality. If I had to be wise and warm and celibate or dumb and cruel and sexually active I would choose to be wise and warm and celibate so that is true I suppose.

The right way around one is supposed to see an animal hide which means that one likes tactile sensations. I did not see an animal hide I just saw the green plant but the image did not feel right.

I do not know how to interpret the fact that I see a sheep with warm wise eyes. Perhaps then that I am warm and wise and loving in a relationship.

Image 7. Turned the right way around I struggle to find anything because the white space bothers me. I turn it the other way around and instantly see a baby. It has the legs facing down. But the baby has drowned with the water from the kitchen sink so I would have to tap it on the back, but oddly I was not panicking, more like it would be ok, or that the baby is dead, but it was like it was not a problem, and as if the baby was alive anyway and fine. But it was a lovely baby that I would like to have and seeing it made me really very happy! Don't read too much into the water and the sink, I am not crazy and I don't drown babies. It has those chubby baby legs and the baby arms and I am seeing it from the back and not from the front.


This image says about the relationship to the mother. If I have to see the first image I can see two women, they have puckered red lips and they are leaning as far away from each other as they possibly can to get away from each other, even their arms are leaning away. They have high brown hairstyles. This can reflect that I struggle to feel a true relationship and connection to my mother, I try to feel it but it is hard. There are no hostile or mean feelings from this image or in my relationship with my mother, just an avoidance. People who see an oil lamp in the white space might have schizophrenia. I do not read the white space at all, I did not like the large white space which is why I turned it around to see the baby instead. I read the dark areas the most, in this image the red puckered lips and the eyes underneath the eyebrows and the brown hair the most and the white space is just the avoidance and the space in between.

Image 8. I don't like the image turned in the original way, there is something I don't like about the small purple eyes that are on the outer sides of the blue spaces. If I turn it upside down it shows a horribly frightening scary face. But turned 90 degrees it forms a wonderful image that makes me feel cheerful, of a tiger that is standing on top of the trees. It is an image that feels strong, brave and courageous and I like it a lot. It has the water on the bottom, but I only read the top half of the image, the bottom half can be a reflection of it on the water perhaps.

(There was more text here about Hamish saying "Yes-No" about the tigers that I see in the image, but that text did not get saved and is now lost forever. Then there was this conversation:)

The Pleiadians might like to take that test. - PL
Ok, later. - me
That is because we were made the same. - PL
Wait a moment. Everyone gets their turn. - me
I don't want you to see tigers. And not anyone like me. I don't want those tests anymore, Tik Tok! About my flat feet, that look like a duck. - Hamish, "duck" in my native language


You can see all four legs of the tiger and the head is facing to the right and it is looking downward a bit. The two left-most are rocks or mountains, the two right-most are trees and forest, you can even see the thin tree trunks under the blue patch.

Results. Lion, bear, or pig is a common answer! The video says that it is important to see any four-legged animal in here, so phew, I am normal. (I have however been seeing animals in most or all pictures so far.) The video says, "You might be mentally defective if you don't" see a four-legged animal in here. Feeling uncomfortable about this card might be a sign of anxiety, I did feel uncomfortable about the card turned the original way but very uncomfortable when turned upside down, but the sideways with the tiger was a courageous and wonderful image that I enjoyed very much! Tree is also one of the normal answers, I had both the tiger and trees.

Image 9. This one immediately looks like a beautiful white dress that is waving and elegant and gorgeous. I am very fond of it. It mostly comes from the orange part on the top left side. If I turn it to the side it doesn't speak to me, and if I turn it upside down it is horrendous and unsettling! The dress is worn by a woman and the dress has a lot of waving movement in it and she is in a beautiful place like a temple in the stars.

Results. Most people struggle to see something here, something such as a flower is a normal answer.

Image 10. I see a wonderful and very exciting theme park in this one. The blue things are fireworks (could also be because tonight is New Year's Eve and I am hearing fireworks already now in the background in the city although it is only 10 PM) and up center is the Eiffel Tower in Paris and the many colors around are different fun things to do there! The green parts next to the Eiffel Tower are trees in the park. If I turn it upside down then there are two deep eyes staring at me in the yellow areas in the center and it is someone serious and not happy but also not dangerous or mean, the eyes are captivating and mesmerizing but a bit uncomfortable but not too bad.


My answer in image 10 is probably considered as normal.

Summary: It is profound that in images where most people see two humans interacting, I always see one figure and never two persons. In almost all images I see one animal. Most of the images I find are friendly and happy smiling animals. Even the strong animal that was the wild boar which is the image that many people find frightening, was not dangerous to me, only a strong one but one that would never injure me. I want to add about the baby that I had no thoughts about harming the baby, it is more that I had found the baby in that condition and I am there to hold it and help it get through. The image with the baby is in blue colors of water and it is a sad and lifeless place, but the baby itself is something that made me feel cheerful and very happy and loving to see it. There were two possible places where the answers of people could indicate if they have schizophrenia and I did not show those indications. The lack of seeing people and pairs of humans is notable and must be a reflection of my reclusive nature, but that my reclusiveness would come from something so deeply rooted in my brain comes as a surprise and is very revealing. I have to also ask myself why is my brain so willing to see happy animals in these images, why is my brain so receptive to seeing animals? Overall the images are happy and positive, warm and loving, which is also a reflection of my warm and loving and happy personality. You also see the lack of violence which is true of me.

I am reclusive from humans and do not feel a need to spend time with people and am quite happy in my own company doing other activities and this seems to stem from how my brain works and processes as well and not just an active choice of behavior since my brain fails to see human figures or pairs of human social interaction in these images where most humans otherwise would. There is no aggression or paranoia or fears or other anxieties or worries in my mind. I see that I avoid images that look frightening or uncomfortable and I choose the reverse pictures that show happy images instead.

Just like is normal for humans, my brain searches to find faces and to read the facial expressions in the images, I find eyes and mouths and smiles and I am quick to say whether a face looks angry or warm and smiling. I am also able to read the faces and say a lot about the emotions and personalities of those animals. We also note that I detect sexual images to a lesser extent than what is normal for humans to see, where others see pairs of humans and sexual parts instead I see one animal, and even after I see the sexual parts or humans once I was told to look for it, I still choose to go back to seeing the animal instead. And even though I saw the perky breasts first and did not see the erect penises at all I honestly do not think that I am a lesbian, I just don't look for penises in images or when I see an image of people, instead I was looking at the faces and looking for the eyes of those humans so I was not looking at their lower parts at all, perhaps indicative of how I am today looking for a boyfriend based on his personality characteristics and not his body, meaning I am looking for a relationship (to a man!) that is a match on emotional, spiritual and mental levels, more so than on sexual or physical attraction, I have learned what things are more important.

This picture below proves that I am not a lesbian. I am able to only see the man. I can see the woman's face if I tell myself to, but whenever I just look at the image it is always the man.

So what does this add to The Orion Project? You tell me.

So how do we contrast the results of the Rorschach test with my claimed experiences in The Orion Project. One thing I noticed is that if someone were making up the stories or imagining the stories then we would expect me to see a lot of sexual images in the Rorschach pictures. Because an overwhelming part of my writing deals with me being used sexually by the aliens and associated humans, yet you see that my brain does not reach for sexual images not even where most humans would see sexual images. Someone who either makes up stories or imagines stories about being abducted by aliens who take my eggs and make me pregnant with alien hybrid babies and then bring those hybrid children in to see my sexual parts naked or to try sexual behaviors on me, and the stories of how some of the military officers who work with the aliens are allowed to have sex with me even though I don't remember that so that they can make me pregnant, all that emphasis on sexuality and reproduction is not represented in how my brain puts together concepts.

Also some of the aliens are hostile yet you do not see hostility or aggression represented in any of my interpretation of the Rorschach images. My brain also does not put together interpretations that would show monsters or abductions in those images.

How my brain chooses to interpret information and to understand the world around me is not consistent with someone who is lying about the stories I write about and is also not consistent with someone who is schizophrenic or who is imagining the stories that I write about. If I had the strong interest to make up the stories or if my brain was imagining or hallucinating the stories then we should have expected to see interpretations of the Rorschach images with a lot of sexual images, sexual scenes, monsters, abductions, fixations on the human body, violence, and so forth. Hence the Rorschach test suggests that the stories I write about in The Orion Project should not be lies or imagination, that is at least how it seems to me.

However it is concerning or unusual how my brain does not want to see human figures or pairs of humans in the pictures and prefers to see faces of animals instead. That could just be a personality characteristic. How would that relate to the stories I write about? If someone's mind is incapable of yearning for social contact with other humans, yet enjoys to seek out happy and friendly animals, would that make them more likely to either lie or to hallucinate stories about alien abductions? Perhaps, because the many aliens are perhaps a bit like different animals? This is the only finding in the results that requires some more consideration. However I know that my alien contact is real because first of all I am not lying about anything, and second the UFOs are real and alien abductions have had physical evidence also with witnesses, I still wanted to go through with the Rorschach test. I am not saying that I could not be convinced of otherwise if the aliens would turn out to not be real anyway (impossible, because they are real with physical evidence), but that's that. At least the test does not suggest that I am crazy, even if the darned thing says I am a homosexual lesbian which I'm not.