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May 16 2017 - present

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Hamish and Kermit and a lobster

May 23 2017, 5:53 PM - Last night I asked Hamish what he would wish for if he were granted three wishes to ask for anything he wants in the world. His first wish was to have an ever larger back. The other two wishes he did not answer quickly, perhaps his thoughts were lingering on the idea of having a larger back, and I forget what his other two wishes would have been but he said them (none of them were snacks-related). This morning when I woke up, Hamish was showing me a mental image of a brown lobster, so I played a silly game with Hamish I asked him "A lobster? Where is the lobster? Is it under the table?" and I looked under the table in my room. I was hoping he would play the game with me but he did not interact. And last night when I had gone to bed, the aliens gave me a mental image of a Kermit again and I got happy to see it and I let them know that I love to see Kermit. My sore throat developed into a serious flu, so I'm having fun staying in bed drinking lots of fluids and watching animal videos on YouTube.


Hamish's dong

May 22 2017, 2:58 PM - I was telling the Reptilians that I want to live with their race and not with my race and that I want to move in to a Reptilian base. (Of course I don't expect that I would actually be happy living in a Reptilian base.) I don't know if this was the reason why, but Hamish showed me his what the Reptilians call "dong", normally it is on the inside of the body and completely hidden but they can also have it on the outside which rarely happens. It looks a lot like the ones that dogs have, Hamish's is pink in color and they are slender and narrow out on the end. Ok I did an internet search on "crocodile penis" now it's in my search history, Reptilian ones look nothing like what crocodiles have. I am not going to do an internet search on "dog penis" to make sure that it looks similar because of the search history... ok this is scientific investigation. I now have an inconvenient search history. Ok so the ones that Reptilians have also do not much resemble what dogs have, because on Reptilians they are slender and narrow out on the end, some have pink and others have white.

Hamish asked me if I knew what they are for and then he told me something that means that they have offspring with it or copy their genes or however he said it. Hamish was standing right next to me and I was on my bed and I thought I had to say something about his gesture of showing it to me. At first I thought to put my index finger on my lower eyelid which means to show him that I am laughing or happy but if I would have done that he would have thought that I was laughing at him and he could have been offended, so I put my index finger on my upper eyelid instead which just means that I thought it was a good thing that he showed me and told me that. I really didn't know what to say or how to respond, but then the matter was over with and nothing more was said, or shown.

Hamish is a Reptilian. If I see his genitals that doesn't mean anything sexual to me. Even though he is my best friend and we can talk with each other, he is a reptile and an animal. And having spent five years together with Hamish, I can say that Reptilians have a very low sexuality compared to humans. I mean, I do certain activities alone fairly often but Reptilians do not have an exact equivalent. Sometimes Hamish "builds nests" and rubs his ankles together and steps with his feet on a rug which I think after knowing him for five years I think mimics mating, because the old Draconian race the male steps exactly like that up and down slowly with his flat duck feet on a female's back "to prepare the eggs" before actually mating. Reptilian dongs have a pleasant fragrance which is completely different from their pungent odor otherwise, it smells a bit like lavender. I have never had physical sex with a Reptilian, but I have had with a Crocodile Man more than once. I guess I have some stories.

Why do some topics have to be uncomfortable or censored? If there weren't kids on the internet then I could write more elaborately. That's why all of the detailed material goes into the books.


Milk made me sick for one reason or another
Hamish hoisted me up

May 21 2017, 5:49 PM - I am really sick. I woke up in the middle of the night, I looked at the clock and I forget it was perhaps 3:38 AM or 2:38 AM or something but it was not 4 AM nor after 4 AM. My throat was so sore and in a strange place in the throat that my first thought was that the aliens had hurt me. If I get a sore throat I have never in my 35 years of life woken up in the night from it when it first hits, instead I will wake up in the morning and it will gradually come. For some reason as soon as I woke up I thought that the aliens had probed my throat and injured it.

The throat continued to get worse during the day and now I woke up after a nap and I feel the sickest I have ever been. I feel like my whole body would want to shake violently from fevers and the throat is so sore in strange places throughout the back of the throat and nasal passages where I have never felt sore before. Why do I feel like I want to blame the Reticulans? Why am I thinking that they must have probed my throat through the nose? Maybe because they keep saying "Milk for the eggs!" every day and when I did drink milk in the past they have put the tubing down my nose and into the stomach to pump it out so that they can then pump it into a hybrid as a digested baby food because some of the hybrids cannot digest food on their own and cow's milk seems to be the only thing they can take, for instance when they are fed my pumped up digested chick peas then their body rejects the chick peas and it comes up from their mouth again. So I drank a whole one liter of cow's milk yesterday, almost all in one, and a Zeta had yesterday said that the pumping through the nose is like using a vacuum cleaner and it had thought for me an image of my vacuum cleaner with which I clean the house.

However, if Zetan probing had nothing to do with me getting sick, then for sure the milk did. Isn't cow's milk like full of bacteria and other creepy things that can make a person really sick? If I'm a vegan and then I drink a whole liter then is that what made me sick? Because after I had drunk so much of the milk my body was revolting and almost making me vomit it but I resisted. Anyway. I feel really sick, sick on the levels of this is reminding me of the time when Arek's team put my immune system down so that I could carry a Crocodile Man's baby and I was so sick worse than I've ever been. Did the aliens lower my immune system so that I can carry a foreign baby that my immune system would have otherwise attacked? Because the way I feel is only comparable to that one time when Arek's team had lowered my immune system.

Because yesterday when I had drunk the milk the aliens connected me telepathically with my mind and body first to one man who is their bachelor and then to Jack who is also one of their men and they were mediating sexual feelings between us and it really felt as if these guys were masturbating or what. The aliens acted like yesterday was a rare moment to get me pregnant because of the milk. Oh I don't know what has happened. I cannot say for sure that it was aliens but it definitely has got something to do with the milk.

On a happier note. Hamish lifted me up last night when I had gone to bed. He did one of those things that Reptilians can do where if my body is laying in bed they can either turn me around in bed or like this time, what Hamish sometimes does, he will pull my body forward in the bed toward the foot end of the bed and he lifts my body up so that I am sitting up in bed on folded knees and with my back real straight, all while at the same time his Reptilian yellow eyes with the vertical pupil is looking right into mine, and our bodies and minds are so connected. It really is a magical moment and I love them so much. In the past when I have asked him what these mean, he says that he does it when he wants to "look at me". Do you know how wonderful it is being lifted up by a dragon and sharing this moment of contact? It is one of the best things I have.

I would like to talk with my Butt Doctor please. - me
You don't need to be arrogant or rude! - Alpha Reticulan, I forget if this was the exact words because I did not write it immediately but that is pretty much accurate what it said
I have a doctor with the Reticulans. I would like to speak with him or it please. It is about my sore throat. - me
We only work with your butt here. - this must be the Butt Doctor, that is what they call him
Do you not know about my throat then? At all? Even if you are a doctor? ... I have a sore throat. It hurts. I was wondering... - me
Lasarus doesn't want you to say. Anything irritating to him. Because he has had a bad day, already as it is. He didn't get to feed on time properly yet. So he was feeling sad about it. - Lasarus shows up just as I was going to quit on this conversation
Did the Butt Doctor not get to eat yet? Why on earth not? Who forgot to feed him? - me
He didn't have the time, to go out to get it. - Lasarus
Alright. Bring me there and I can be the substitute Butt Doctor so that my Butt Doctor can go to eat. - me, of course I am finding it funny to call him a Butt Doctor, because come on? And of course I would not want to or be qualified to substitute for him in work, but let's see where this conversation goes. Even though the Reticulans do not have a sense of humor, well I have.
Did someone do something to my throat last night? - me
Oh yes, we did. - looks like a Mantid somehow, a tall graceful being, though it could have also been the Lasarus one
And? What was done to my throat last night then? - me
We wanted to feed your little ones with it. - the being Mantid or Lasarus says (not the Butt Doctor, who is Alpha Reticulan it seems and Lasarus is Zeta Reticulan and Mantid is Mantid)
I KNEW IT! Is that why my throat is sore? Is it perhaps? - me
The Butt Doctor does not want to say anything, more to you. - Butt Doctor
Not to cause you anguish. - the 2nd being the Mantid or Lasarus
I am happy here. And needing some information please... Lasarus? Or Butt Doctor? - me
Leave me alone! - Butt Doctor fusses very irritated, I guess he should go eat his meal now
You aliens talk about taking my eggs out of my body, about putting a tubing down my nostril and into my stomach, about collecting my fecal samples - me interrupted from continuing
Oh, we do a lot more. - Lasarus the Zeta I saw him, he is one of those Zetas with a very beautiful "Nordic" looking face, and he thought of the white device tube thing they sometimes put in through my belly button as that being "more" than what I listed
We wanted to make you a mother with us? - Lasarus
And, - me interrupted "was I going to be informed of that?" I was going to add, Lasarus shows me an image of my inner labia and he says that they need that from me, meaning my reproductive parts
Since you are - me interrupted "taking so much from me..."
We are the Mantids. - green Mantid
Hello Mantids! - me
Lasarus was not going to talk with you any more. - Mantid I forget the very last part but he meant what it says there
We don't want to make you nervous. - Mantid whispers gently and quietly to me
So that you don't get scare hiccups! - Hamish then yells out and it is funny because one whispers and Hamish yells out all cheerful and pleased as pie, "scare hiccups" in my other language, namely sometimes Hamish gets like a hiccup of Draconian sounds that he refers to as a kind of hiccups that one could get because of being scared, Hamish now and then asks me if I get scare hiccups and I have heard him have them a few times when he has said that he has them
I just wish I could stay awake for abductions - me interrupted
Be quiet and be a good girl. - Mantid
I am so sad that I do not get to meet with you all. You are all my friends, even the Butt Doctor is my good friend and I never get to visit or see you all, do you know how much sadness that brings me and how much I cry? - me, I do not cry
I have gotten, a scare hiccups. - Hamish in part my other language
Why Hamish, do you have it? Are you afraid, dragon? Yes-No, afraid! Hamish is safe. I will protect my Dragon Turtle. Yes-No, scared. - me
I would take your arm, and twist it around. - Hamish to me about my arm, aha all of this his behavior is him doing his job of controlling me, he is basically managing me right now that I am trespassing and causing havoc among the aliens, he is handling the situation, this is his type of reverse psychology type of things to try to manage me
Ok I will leave everyone alone. And only because - me interrupted
He has really gotten some scared hiccups. - Mantid about Hamish, or did Mantid mean that I would get them if I go there or what?
Is Hamish scared? I want him to be safe. - me
No, but you would be. - Mantid or Lasarus, that I would be scared
But if I am with Hamish then I am feeling very safe and comfortable. - me, Hamish's eyelids close into a warm smile and I also see Lasarus seeing his eyes
Hamish keeps me safe. About the eggs. - me
Were you once pregnant with that crocodile man? - a white alien ie. a Reticulan asks me with image of a crocodile man
Well, there was once a Reptilian called Arek - me interrupted, as Hamish hisses out of contempt at the mention of Arek
A crocodile man from Arek's team once had sex with me with his penis and then a bird race did a magic ritual to lower my immune system so that my body would not reject the baby. Does that sound weird, or does that make perfect sense to you? - me
We did not mean to do that through your nose. - Lasarus I think, a Zeta Reticulan, I see it in an image and as if it were slowly approaching my nostril with the suction tubing as it thinks of this procedure being done in the past
I want to meet you all. That is why I drank the milk too. Because I wanted to be friendly, so that you would reward me with close contact with aliens. - me
And, have you seen my tail too? Tik Tik, yes. - Hamish shows me his orange tail that is covered in some goosebumps ie. his "toad zits"
Hamish has a handsome tail. I like to see my dragon. - me, aha oh he was rewarding me with the seeing and meeting aliens by showing me an image of his tail but I want more than that...
Have you seen the top of my head. - a Reticulan bows down its head to show me the big bulging bald top of its gray head, they tend to do that and then they tell me often that they look like mushrooms meaning the button mushrooms
What on earth can I do so that you award me with close contact with alien life? So that I can see you, and look you in the eye, and greet you and say hello, and to really really know that you exist? - me
Hello, we are that alien life. - Zeta Reticulan tells me
And Hamish needs to go away! - either that Zeta or the Alpha Reticulan butt doctor irritated about Hamish, Hamish probably is too near them and a bit too dominating again as usual, Hamish tends to do things like grab them with his mouth by their shoulder and push them around and stuff so no wonder
It hurts me, it hurts my feelings that you take my eggs and samples and you do not pay me a reward, you only take and you do not give me - me
Look at me, I am very happy now. - Alpha or Zeta Reticulan shows me as if it were smiling a human smile in an image, it means that I make them happy so that that would somehow be ok and good, a balance
I WANT TO MEET YOU MY ALIENS PLEASE LET ME! - me
Come on now. - Reticulan, perhaps to Hamish since:
Tok Tok Tok. - Hamish, I think he said to Reticulans but am not sure
My throat is sick and I am sad and life is miserable because aliens take me to their hospital but they do not let me remember AND IT MAKES ME ANGRY! LET ME REMEMBER. Let me come there and to look at the Reticulans and Hamish and Alpha Remulans too. - me
I am your nurse. Hello. - a Reticulan either an Alpha or a Zeta kind
Hello nurse. - me
I wanted to cater to you, so that you would feel better. What did you think that we did to your nose, so that you did not feel better? - Nurse
The Alpha, or Zeta Remulans were here, Deb Deb Deb. - Hamish, or Dab Dab Dab, I just heard those as the sound and not spoken as the word
Look at this! - black Reptilian shows me a Japanese Samurai sword
Yes, a sword. Cool. - me
We have also learned how to drive here. - black Rep about Japan, the humans there taught the black Rep how to drive a small fork truck type of thing that is driven along the tunnels of bases, I have seen that before that they drive it
I am very proud of you that you can drive. Well done. - me, then I regret saying proud because Hamish might get jealous and want to learn it too and I don't want him to try to learn to drive
Nurse? - me interrupted
I am with the Zeta kind. We have come from the stars to you. To make you feel better, to make you feel alright. - Nurse, image of stars the Reticulan blue stars
(Then the Butt doctor says something such as "I am with the butt doctor kind." or that was precisely what it said. Wow. I am still taken aback by the image of the stars because it was a closeup of a cluster of white stars with a blue glow and I have never seen such a real picture of stars like that before, so it leaves a lasting impression that is serene.)
Look at that. - Hamish shows his tail to the Reticulans says to them
Yes, she wanted to take it! - Reticulan answers Hamish that I would want to grab and take his tail, ha ha!
I love Reptilians. - me, that makes Hamish put his hands on the lower end of his back hump
I am sick. I need to rest now. Thank you for taking the time to listen to me. - me
You are carrying our genes, that is why. - a Zeta Reticulan
How am I carrying your genes? - me, a Reticulan starts to show me their vials with a cold special chemical liquid that is used for the samples
I need to sleep now I am sick. - me
I was not the back, kind. - Hamish says holding his hands at the lower back end of his back hump
Why not, Hamish? Why did you hide your back? - me
Because I was eating the Toast here, therefore. - Hamish first his eyes started to laugh and giggle with the lower eyelids raising then he thought about his hand with three long fingers raised slowly toward his mouth as in a gesture to bring food to his mouth even though he does not use his hands when he eats
I was with the butt doctor, Deb Deb Deb. - Hamish, holding his hands at the lower back
Hamish? Are you acting silly? My sweet Turtle Pooch. - me, Hamish is acting funny I wish I knew exactly what he is expressing, thinking and feeling
I love you Hamish. You are a cute Turtle. - me, his lower eyelids are raised a bit so he is amused and smiling
At least Hamish is happy. So all is well with the world. - me
No! - Hamish in my other language and he thinks about biting his mouth into the fingers of a Reticulan, it seems that a Reticulan was slowly bringing its hands toward Hamish to touch him and Hamish resisted being touched by it!
I am with the Butt Doctor. Dab Dab. - Hamish, his eyes are amused the lower eyelids raised

It is fun to see Hamish interacting with Zetas, usually that means that Hamish is a bit dominating and tries to bite the Zetas and the Zetas get a bit chaotic due to that. Hamish is wonderful.

Yes-No with Eva. Eggs. - Hamish, Eva was my first name, Eggs was in my native language
They don't think that I smell? - Hamish about Reticulan
Neither do I, Hamish. - me
It was my Lunches and Snacks that smelled. I was the prominent therefore. - Hamish
You were the prominent race with the back. And I was proud of you. - me
Yes-No, it was my Birthday cake. - Hamish
Did you have some Snacks? - me
I was trying to take them, to bite. Yes-No, Dab Dab Dab. - Hamish
Hamish was really evil to us. He was trying to bring us down. Just for us for taking at him, and looking at him. - Reticulan nervous
Dab Dab Dab. - Hamish

All this time the last paragraph and since a few lines above, Hamish has been sitting on the floor like how a cat sits with his back hump all round like a bun like a Sphinx almost and he looks all comfy and snug and his lower eyelids are raised so that he looks amused and happy. He seems to be both guarding me and also fending off the Reticulans from trying to grab at him so the Reticulans are keeping away from him. "Dab Dab Dab.", he says now. "My Eggs.", Hamish says in my native language. "I love you Hamish. I am proud of you.", me. "Look at my! ... Snacks now.", Hamish says, he stretched his arm forward like how a cat stretches and he looked at his orange sheer goosebump zits on his arm when he said look at my and then he got all snug again. His forearms are straight and rigid like a stick, they are built that way. "Dab Dab Dab.", Hamish says sitting there on the Zeta floor in a dark room like a cat. "My smell, was not very prominent. And, I have taken all of the eggs therefore.", Hamish. "Your smell was the right smell for me. Because it was my honored Hamish, smell.", I say to him. "I love you Hamish.", me. "Yes, but I was not a pet, I was better therefore.", Hamish. "Look at mine, and also, my Toast, Dab Dab Dab.", Hamish says to me he gets up from the floor and maybe means for me to look at his back, he says the Dab Dab Dab to the Reticulans every time he says it. "They wanted to take my Toast", Hamish says about Reticulans and he thinks of a Reticulan who is holding a sharp metal scalpel in its hand to use it. "Yes-No, take from Hamish.", me I say to my dragon. Hamish puts his hands at the lower back end of his back hump and scrapes with one of his cute duck feet across the floor.


Milk for Hamish!

May 20 2017, 4:26 PM - Reticulans said they were going to come and get me at did they say 3 AM or 4 AM, they probably said 4 AM. I asked them to let me stay awake, to wake me up, and to let me remember, but I have no recollection. I did stay up later than usual though, it was perhaps already 2 AM, and it seemed as if they were talking more and interacting more with me since we were near the abduction hour. So I will see about staying up all night sometimes to see what actually happens at that magical 4 AM abduction hour.

Hamish stood upright and looked at me and I could see this magnificent red dragon and he so kindly and politely asked me to drink some milk for the eggs. I was so taken by the kindness and sincerety of his request and I am now drinking to finish a whole 1 liter of milk (with chocolate powder, easier that way). I let the milk package on the table next to the bed and fell asleep for a nap when I got home though before I had had any, the Reticulans and Hamish were very eager and anxious that I drink the milk right away, but I said I needed a nap first. When I woke up from the nap, turns out that the aliens had been analyzing the milk since they said many times that the milk had started to rot already. I had napped for about two hours only. I said it can't be going bad already, the package still felt a bit cold to the touch, and I've had some and will finish it.

A "Zeta Reticulan" was talking to me. This milk thing is a big deal. However I learned while I was drinking it, I think it was Jack who told me, that it is the hormones in the milk that are so good for the eggs. And all this time I have been wondering about what nutrients or vitamins in cow's milk are supposed to be so good for the eggs, thinking it must be B vitamins especially since I am a vegan and perhaps not getting any, but I had not thought about thinking it could be because of the hormones in it that cow's milk is so important for the eggs! So. Just because Hamish was asking so sweet and polite, I am now drinking cow's milk. At least for today. Ahh, and normally now I am a vegan. But what do I not do for Hamish? I am drinking it for Hamish, not for the eggs.


Watching YouTube videos with Hamish
Hamish displays some normal behavior when watching armadillo

May 19 2017, 6:11 PM - I am showing some videos to Hamish:

Cute Interaction Between Cat And Koi fish

pet crab eating chips

German Shepherd Protective Over a Lobster

And then I watched this:

Stupid People Walking into Glass

Then I show Hamish this. I tell him that there is an armadillo in the hole digging a home for itself. The armadillo is not visible on the screen yet, Hamish sniffs trying to catch the smell of the armadillo.

Armadillo digging the hole, Euphractus sexcenctus,

Does it want to fight with me? - Hamish
No. - me
Then why does it show me its back? - Hamish

Is there something wrong with me? - Hamish as I click play again, in my native language NL
Has it taken my hairs away? - Hamish NL
For me eggs, has been dug. - Hamish NL
Has it taken them, please? - Hamish
Is it pregnant? - Hamish, "pregnant" in English
I did not smell anymore. - Hamish NL meaning Hamish's own smell that Hamish has no smell anymore from himself
I have a home, missing, my shield. - Hamish NL, about longing or missing for his back shield
Are there fish in you, butter? - Hamish NL talking to the armadillo if it has eaten fish that are in its belly, and he says butter instead of saying food
My eggs, have been eaten, they have the last bits, eaten. - Hamish NL
For me eggs, home. - Hamish NL
Do you have a shield? - Hamish asks the armadillo kindly, about if it too has a shield back
Is there in me a shield, missing. - Hamish NL, missing or longing
I am its boyfriend, eggs for me. - Hamish NL about the armadillo
We will find it, and kill it. - Hamish NL about the armadillo
Why does it have to be killed? Can't you let it live? - me
It has the same kind of shield as we have. - Hamish NL about armadillo back
It has a compartment that looks like mine. That is why we will take from it carbohydrates. And make it not live. - Hamish pleased as punch with himself, he pointed at his own shield back, NL, compartment means Hamish's back hump
My eggs. - Hamish NL
For me carbohydrates have been taken. - Hamish NL
It will go to my river, now. - Hamish NL about Hamish's favorite river
I have a humpback. It has eaten us. - Hamish NL except "humpback" in English, Hamish means that the armadillo has eaten members of Hamish's race
I have a river. Where kids go. Is it there? My river. - Hamish NL, Hamish wants to know if this armadillo is near his river
Has it taken my infants? - Hamish NL about the armadillo [Added same day: infants means the kids that Hamish drowns and eats by the river]
Has it eaten them? - Hamish NL about if the armadillo has eaten some of the kids that Hamish eats
Has it rather eaten peas? - Hamish NL, because I eat peas (green peas, chickpeas, soy etc I eat a lot)
Do you have something wrong with your ear? Does it not hear me? Do you have a problem with your ear? - Hamish NL about the armadillo
Hamish, we are watching a video. It cannot hear any of us. It is not a direct connection, we are just watching a film that was made some time ago. - me
Do you have some eggs there? - Hamish NL wants to ask the armadillo, Hamish imagined in his thought image round white eggs that look like turtle eggs that could have been in the hole!
Hello. - Hamish to the armadillo in English
Do I have some eggs? We are egg thieves. - Hamish NL, the first he was wondering about the thoughts of the armadillo narrating the armadillo as it might have been thinking, in Hamish's form of wondering if the armadillo has eggs there he thought the question from the armadillo's perspective
We are Serpents. - Hamish or other Reptilian, "Serpents" in English
Is it a girl? Females? - Hamish NL
I don't know if it is a male or a female. - me
Does it not hear me. - Hamish English
No it does not hear us. - me
It was for me, egg thieves. - Hamish NL, it is the armadillo
Is it a girl? - Hamish NL
I don't know its gender, Hamish. There is no way I can know. - me
Have genes been taken from it? - Hamish or other Reptilian NL probably Hamish
I don't know Hamish. - me
Is it a girl. It is coming here to my home. - Hamish NL
Do you have gene errors? - Hamish NL asks the armadillo, if it has genetic problems or genetic errors
It was for me, a girl. It has taken from there eggs. - Hamish NL
Are you home-sick, to go there? - Hamish NL to armadillo about the hole being the home
It has answered us. Question. - Hamish or other Reptilian NL about armadillo
What did it say? - me
Kop Kop, Tok Tok. - Hamish with eyelids partially closing lower eyelids too in some kind of laugh or a smile
Are you home sick, or will you be visible to humans? - Hamish NL to the armadillo, meaning basically will you stay outside of the hole to be seen by humans or will you be home sick and go back into the hole, we are at 4:10 of the video now where the armadillo is out of the hole
Kop Kop. - Hamish to armadillo
Hamish? What does Kop Kop mean? - me
It means, I am not at home right now. It means that. - Hamish in English
Yes-No. - Hamish in response to his own thought of holding a lit match toward the armadillo
Yes-No, fire. - me I say to Hamish
We are kind to it. - Hamish NL it being the armadillo, this is a sincere kindness I gather
Kop Kop. - Hamish says to armadillo
Do you have arms? Do you have? - Hamish NL kindly asks armadillo
Kop Kop Kop Kop. Kop Kop. - Hamish
We have frightened it. - Hamish NL about armadillo
Is it hungry? - Hamish NL
I don't know. Probably yes. - me
Then I will give you, give it, some of my Toast! - Hamish NL
I have got some old chewing gum for it. - Hamish NL
What do you have? Some Snacks? - me
Are there worms in you, for humans? - Hamish NL asks the armadillo, he thought of earthworms, probably as a food, but for humans?

Phew the video ended. I had to make a pause and change the tab to write here every time he said something. He sure gets talkative about videos of armadillos or pangolin. It sure activates Hamish's imagination and he starts talking to the animals and he also narrates what he thinks they are saying, well because Hamish is listening for the animal to speak back to him and as he is listening so intensely his mind then narrates them.

We observe lots of genuine Hamish behavior from his interaction with the armadillo in the video, I see more of his behavior here than I do otherwise when he just interacts with me. I learn that he notices the armadillo as looking similar to his own species. He is very fixated with eggs but it seems to not only have to do with his own some sort of sexual response and reproductive behavior but to do with the genetic projects that the Reptilians are involved in. Hamish also thinks that its back resembles his own, and that makes him act a bit provoked and dominating because his back is a status symbol.

Hamish even offered to give it some of his own Toast (meaning food), I don't recall ever in our five years together that Hamish would have offered me to have some of his food, yet this armadillo only needed a few minutes of digging a hole and Hamish is offering his own Toast to it, so that is saying a lot. I chose the armadillo for a reason, Hamish now and then mentions armadillos and sometimes he calls himself an armadillo, it seems that some of the U.S. human military refer to Hamish as an armadillo.

Hamish? What does Kop Kop mean? - me
It means, I was seeing you. Kop. - Hamish
I was seeing you, and your back, was with mine. Kop, Kop. I was seeing your, state of authority. - Hamish, or "status of authority", probably of course referring to back
Has it somehow filmed itself? Or were you there? Kop, Kop! - Hamish
Hamish? Videos are made by different humans. - me interrupted
I don't like to see your fingers type. About your throat, therefore. Kop, Kop! It was with animals, not with a zoo. Or was it, captived, somewhere? Kop, Kop, Kop! It was not with animals, therefore. Or was it, for breeding? - Hamish, "breeding" in my third language, he is irritated when my fingers move and type fast because it triggers his attention

Here, when he said Kop, he also at the same time made a belch sound which was a delightful pop! It is a short and wonderful sound and I have perhaps never heard it before, and perhaps that is because he would not normally display that sound to me, but to the armadillo yes.

I am vehemently seeking it. Kop! - Hamish
I don't know where it is. They are in Mexico and Texas I think. And I am far away from there. - me
I wanted to show it my back. Kop, Kop! Therefore! - Hamish, he thinks of the armadillo's back and tail
Kop Kop! - Hamish
Kop Kop Kop Kop. - Hamish says and squats down to display his back in the camel posture and turns around a bit to show himself off

So that is what it is like living with a dragon. Though, we have to realize that Hamish isn't really interacting with me like he would with other Reptilians or Dragon Turtles, of which I am both relieved and pleased. Hamish seems to genuinely be a bit gentle and different with me (Kop, Kop!, he now says) probably because he knows that I have the eggs and that he is guarding me because of the eggs. "Kop Kop Kop!", he now says, it sounds at the same time like wonderful pop belch sounds but he also speaks it out as the word Kop. I would be completely at loss if he were to start behaving with me as he does with other Reptilians, and so I am starting to realize that he actually interacts with me in a modified, adapted form, in a form of behavior that better fits because I am a human. "Kop Kop!" he says, and thinks of the armadillo tail and about putting his hand down on its tail as if to capture the armadillo by its tail.

And yes this was typing a lot. It took me a little over an hour to write this entry and I type fast and was typing directly into the website builder window. I finished this entry at 7:14.


Drawing

May 18 2017, 8:03 PM - Drawing of me and Hamish. Click on the picture for a close-up. I am holding a book and pages are falling. Hamish is shedding and his scales are falling. Read what it says on the fallen page by our feet.*

*The page says I love you Hamish.


Portrait of Jack

May 18 2017, 6:05 PM - I made a drawing of Jack. Drawing portraits is difficult, but if you saw him with 100 other random people you would definitely recognize him based on the picture. Click on the picture to see a close-up.

What to say about Jack? He says he works with the "NASA field team" and with "NASA Ames" and that he works with finding extraterrestrials. He did not just find extraterrestrials, he found my alien team and my aliens were happy to invite him along, well since Jack agreed to father some children, which I think is highly unethical. So the aliens let Jack see me during alien abductions when I'm unconscious and that makes me furious because I want to stay awake for it too! I hate my aliens. I am definitely not going to be drinking any cow's milk or yoghurt for the eggs.

But Jack is not part of the other military and surveillance people humans that I have met in association with the aliens before.

You could not call him tall, so he is a bit short. His face is not long, the forehead is short. He looks to be in his late 50's or in his 60's. His hair is blonde or white. I think his eyes are a light blue gray. He wears big 1980's glasses. His face is square-shaped. He has a thick neck and square jaw. I have never seen him smile or laugh and he is always in a serious mood so sometimes I call him "the grumpy man".

Jack has a very special way to talk, here are some examples of things he has said:
"Hey there, howdy. What'cha want?"
"So quit yer yappin, both of you."

The thing is, he has said he is with NASA Ames. Also Warren Alan the MIB guy had told me he is in Patterson Airport which is an actual place in Ohio, USA and is an air force base. So these are real places that they are telling me. Just like when the Greys told me about their base in the Mojave Desert.


Crab video with Hamish

May 17 2017, 8:41 PM - I was watching random YouTube videos and Hamish asked me if there are videos of red crabs there, so I told him Tok Tok and we watched this video together, he was wondering if they have eggs and I told Hamish that they do have small eggs I also told Hamish that they like to live near water.

I clicked on the video again, this time from this page on my website, and he looks at me and his lower eyelids are fully raised up to halfway up the eye in what is a big smile, he is very happy to see them!

While the video is playing here on the webpage, he wants to put his hand that has three long red fingers, on top of my left hand and to put my hand on top of the video box. He then comes up close to me and puts his left hand on my right shoulder and says "Yes, they are my friends" about the red crabs on the video. He now says again, as he already said the first time we watched the video, in my native language it translates as "Do they exist?" or "Are there those?". "Yes Hamish, those exist on an island in the ocean. They live there.", I say to him. "I am dominant, I said to him.", Hamish to a the crab in the video at time 1:35. I notice how he is recognizing that they have the same color as he, he almost feels as if he flows right through to them, as if they are made of the same material, and it is an important feeling to him. He is recognizing that someone else is also a "someone", whereas typically he is always putting himself foremost.

At time 2:00 into the video he asks me in my native language, "Have they eaten?" "Tik Tik, Tok", he says to them now. "Come into my arms.", he says to them in my native language. "Hello. I am Hamish. I am the non benevolent kind.", he tells them. "I wanted to see you too again.", he tells them. "Hey Hamish, you are watching a video", Jack tells to Hamish. "Yes, I know that I am watching a video", Hamish says to Jack. "Hey you, they are no longer real around you.", Jack tells to Hamish about the crabs. "So quit yer yappin over that video!", Jack tells to Hamish. "Hey Jack, let Hamish talk to them if he wants to. He is socializing.", I say to Jack. "So quit yer yappin, both of you", Jack says to me and Hamish.

"Have they eaten, aliens?", Hamish asks me in my native language and looks at me and turning his head away from the screen, his orange head bumps are shining bright and orange. "Hamish, the little crabs find little bits of snacks on the beach and they eat them"., I say. "Have they seen my space goosebumps?", Hamish about his goosebumps on his arms, maybe also about his orange head buttons. "They cannot see us, Hamish. It is only we who are watching them", me. "Who is it who is talking in the video? And, where is he?", Hamish about the voice of the narrator. "It is a sound recording about a man who is telling us the story about these crabs", I say. "I wanted to meet them. And then take over their territory!", Hamish. "Quit yer yapping!", Jack to Hamish. "Tok Tok Tok", Hamish says, probably to the crabs, and his orange head buttons are shining bright. "I was their mother, not.", Hamish about the crabs. "These guys are crooks, and criminals", Jack about the Reptilians. "They are stealing your eggs and therefore, we are not their friend", Jack. "I am Hamish's friend. He is my best friend.", me. "Ok, so don't quit yer yappin then!", Jack. "Eggs, for me, it said.", Hamish narrating in my native language the crab at 2:07. "Eggs, for me, it has eaten them", Hamish in my native language narrating the crab again. "Quit yer yappin, both of you.", Jack to me and Hamish.

"Jack, Hamish is my best friend, and we are trying to enjoy watching a video together. Hamish is very fond of red crabs, and I wanted to show him a video of them.", me. "Yeah, that would be very nice.", Jack. "So Jack, leave us alone will you. Let me and Hamish watch a video.", me. "He is, he was getting too close to you.", Jack. "I noticed, and I really liked it. He had put his hand down on my hand, and his hand on my shoulder, and I really do enjoy our tender close moments like these."; me. "Oh yeah well, as long as you are sure. And?! How do you like them going up into your nose?", Jack about the tubing. "I am only not close, because I smell really bad. That is therefore I am not here.", Hamish says and I see him in his other dimension somewhere. "I love you Hamish, and your smell is the right smell for me, because you are a good race, and you are my best friend, therefore your smell is the right smell to have here", I say to my Dragon. "Tok Tok Tok", Hamish, and then he leans his head downward a bit to show off his orange head buttons. "Tok Tok Tok Tok Tok, me.", Hamish says. "Let's finish watching the video", I say to Hamish and press the play button again, because every time one of us speaks, I pause it and come here to write. The first time we watched the video all uninterrupted because no one was speaking so much. "My back compartment", Hamish in my native language. "And, also these, and therefore I am prominent!", Hamish, these are his head buttons. Ok video finished.

Did we learn something new? "I am getting ready to watch it again", Hamish says. "And, to show them my back", he says. "Before they all creep back and go back into the ocean. I need to show them this.", Hamish, this being his back hump, and his lower eyelids closed upward and upper closed a bit down in a humble smile. "Tok Tok Tok Tok", he says and turns his body around a bit slowly displaying himself. "I was not going to say it again! Get away from this woman!", Jack grumpy says to Hamish. "Jack!!! How DARE YOU! Hamish is my best friend, and you let him interact with me as much as he wants.", me to Jack. "Have you seen my space-goosebumps?", Hamish asks. "I have seen your goosebumps Hamish", I say to him, and he lets out a click that is at the same time a burp or a belch sound that seemed to indicate contentment at my answer. "Get away from that woman", Jack says to Hamish, woman being me. "Let him be here. He is not harming me. He is guarding the eggs.", me. "You don't know the half of it! What they would eat from you! If we let them! Oh God no, not any more of this...", Jack. "Goosebumps", Hamish about his orange zits on his arms and back. "I was the prominent therefore!", Hamish says, he is starting to get a bit carried away with his displaying behavior, perhaps Jack knows him better than I think and perhaps it would be best to let Hamish cool off a little. "I was the dominant species, I said to them. And also, a palate click. My Toast, I said to them. And also, look at this!", Hamish, them means the red crabs in the video, and he made a palate click when he said palate click, and look at this I now forget it was probably his head buttons or otherwise back or goosebumps. I did not show him the video a third time.

9:40 PM - I am playing a video game and Hamish has calmed down by now. Jack and me are sporadically talking, he is convinced that Reptilians are horrific creatures, and I am convinced that Hamish is my best friend. Then Jack says, sad: "I wish they didn't make me make you pregnant." And so I said: "Oh, they make you do they? Poor you that must be horrible", or I said something similar. It's not like he has to, is it?

A few minutes later Jack said:

I do not always examine you when you come here, but sometimes I look at you a lot. - Jack
When they examine your throat and your little delicate bits! - Jack
Did you tell her about the throat? - Zeta to Jack
Yes, throat. - Jack to Zeta
And what did she think about that? - Zeta to Jack
I do not know. She didn't say! - Jack to Zeta
And your little belly button, might get some scratch marks from that guy! - Jack to me about Hamish, he thought of how Hamish had laid his horisontally rigid long forearms right down against my belly, gently
Hamish is welcome to put his arms down on my belly button. He is my best friend. - me

Now Jack is a human man who says he works with NASA Ames and he is one of the human men who have sex with me during alien abductions to get me pregnant so that the aliens can keep the children, many or all of my children with Jack are alien hybrids with yellow blonde hair and some teeth formation, Jack calls those kids the "cabbage patch kids" because they have some resemblance to those dolls. I remembered seeing Jack and some Zetas in an alien abduction last night, read about it below in an earlier entry from today.

My livers, are not my snacks. - Hamish says to Jack
Hey, does it bother you, hey? - Jack replies to Hamish about it
My langoustines, are not going to blush, when they see me. And, therefore, they were all running away. So that I was not going to be taking their eggs! "The eggs for me", they said. - Hamish about the red crabs in the video calling them langoustines and he thinks they were walking away from him in the video, the last part "the eggs for me, they said" was in my native language NL.
Hey you, I am not very strong, but I would lift you up here. - Jack says to me
Jack, let's talk some sense into this. - me
What if she does not want us to have her eggs? - Zeta concerned to Jack, "eggs" were NL
It does not matter. - Jack to the Zeta
Jack? Are you a human? - me
Yes, I am that. And, what are you not, heh? - Jack
Next time... when you are like you say, looking at me a lot, can you please then wake me up so that I can see you too? Please? I would do anything. - me
I also got to look at your butt. I hope you don't mind. I know you must be very displeased. - Jack
I am over myself a long time ago. So I don't care about such things. But I would like to meet you some time. - me to Jack
So, why were they all crawling away? For me, eggs. - Hamish wondering about the crabs in the video crawling "away", the last part "for me, eggs" NL
She is not their mother. - Jack, maybe to Hamish that I am not the mother of the red crabs in the video?
Tik Tik Tik! - Hamish responds to what Jack said
They were my langoustines. - Hamish
For my eggs, milk. - Hamish NL, it means I need to drink cow's milk to nourish my ovum

I wrote a letter to NASA Ames because of Jack:

Dear NASA Ames,

I am a 34-year old woman who is an alien abductee and one of the humans who associates with my extraterrestrials says his name is Jack and that he works for NASA Ames.

Jack either is or is not his real name. He looks to be in his late 50's or in his 60's. He is a bit short, one would not call him tall. His hair is a light color, white or blonde. His eyes are not brown, so they are blue or gray. He wears big 1970's or 1980's glasses and has no facial hair. He is a very serious and stern personality, he usually frowns and I have never seen him smile or laugh. Jack speaks in a particular way, here is one example of a phrases from him: "So quit yer yappin, both of you."

So he claims that he is working on the "NASA field team" and "NASA Ames" and that the extraterrestrials are asking him to make children with me, most or all of those children are alien-human hybrids, Jack calls those kids "cabbage patch kids" because they resemble those dolls. He is one of humans who watches over me when I am abducted by aliens and unconscious, his job is also to keep me safe.

I don't expect you to know who this Jack is, but if you think that you recognize him on your team, tell him that I would love it if he contacts me in real life. I also wanted to tell you about this, because just in case he is a real person, then it would be in your interest to know what he is involved in. When he first said "NASA Ames", I did not recall having ever heard of such a branch of NASA, but sure enough it showed up on an internet search, and work with alien life is part of what your organization does.

Before you simply dismiss me as insane, it is not as simple as that. I have had physical evidence that the alien contact is real, furthermore I know what evidence means since I was a physics and chemistry student with highest grades. If the nature of the evidence interests you:

Here is one example of the evidence: http://www.orionmindproject.com/thirteen.html
Of course that is not formal evidence since there are no photographs etc. to show you but it is valid for me.
Throughout my years of alien contact there are also other forms of evidence, I could write a summary page.

If you wish to see a recent example of how this Jack talks to me. There is a Reptilian who says he is of the old Draconian race, he is fire engine red with a hump back which he is very proud of, here is a drawing of him, his name is Hamish: http://orionmindproject.com/pic/Hamish08122012.bmp
Hamish is fascinated with red crabs because they are the same color as he (which is also why he gets angry at Santa figurines that have a red hat) so I was watching a video of red crabs with him and Jack who was watching us was trying to calm him down. Here it is:

http://orionmindproject.com/news51.html#redcrabs

Some things in the conversations might seem strange until you understand Hamish a bit better.
Tok Tok is in Hamish's own language, it actually represents a kind of click or guttoral sound and it means "Come here to me".
Tik is another click sound he makes, one Tik means Yes. One Tok means "I am here with you now". Tik Tik Tok might mean yes yes I am here with you now but I am not sure.
Goosebumps are orange zits on Hamish's arms and some on his back.
Hamish has a back hump that he displays proudly and it makes him think that he is prominent.
Hamish has eight pairs, or sixteen total, of orange blunt buttons along the top and back of his head, those are his "crown" and signify his high status. When he shows them he is showing that he is dominant.
If Hamish says Yes-No, he means a strong firm No, he says Yes-No because his mind's definition of a strong No is to compare something bad with something good, the way that he understands that something is a no is by understanding that it is not something that is good, so it becomes Yes-No.
If he talks about livers, he is talking about food, because he eats liver.
Snacks and Toast mean food.
Hamish thinks that he himself is a type of crustacean as opposed to a reptile, so his talk and fascination with crabs and langoustines is something that is important to him.
Zetas are of course the notorious Zeta Reticulan Greys, white aliens with large heads and black eyes, they abduct me at 4 AM at nights and collect fecal samples, put tubing into my stomach through my nostril either to suction things out or to put things in, they collect fecal samples because they are studying metabolism so that they can understand the hybrid metabolism who are based on my eggs.

I don't expect you to take me seriously, even though you should if you knew what I know on my case, I also do not expect to hear from Jack, but since he says NASA Ames I thought it was worth a try.

Thank you.

"Eva Draconis"
www.orionmindproject.com

I know, I shouldn't have.


Anal probe by aliens?
Zetas and me manipulate each other with wine gums and dairy
And I tell Hamish that I love him

May 17 2017, 11:15 AM - It was either a lucid dream or an alien encounter last night, but I remember being anally probed by two Zetas and I think Jack was standing there too. Only I was not lying on a medical table instead I was naked and leaning forward with my hands against a wall or something and they were all behind me. The sequence lasted for several seconds and I found myself quite aware during it and feeling the procedure and knowing what was happening. After that I was shown images of outer space and then an image of a planet which looked just like planet Earth with all of the continents that seemed to be just like on Earth, and the aliens were telling me that they had "made" this planet to be "just like planet Earth". The image was zooming in on a continent and I remember thinking that this is neither the United States nor Europe it looked to be more like somewhere where the Middle East or Saudi Arabia would be. When I landed it turned into something like a video game with monsters and the day turned into night.

When I woke up I felt that I had been awake during an anal probe event and I told the Reticulans telepathically that I remembered something and that therefore I would reward them as a thank you by drinking milk for the eggs. But now I am not so sure. I also asked if I could freely choose between milk or yoghurt since I honestly do not like cow's milk anymore and I am a vegan. I would rather not have any dairy products, but since I am not sure that it wasn't a real alien encounter, I am going to go ahead and eat a little yoghurt fruit cup. Because I am trying to train the Zeta Reticulans with positive feedback to let me stay awake during abductions. And the only positive feedback and reward system that I can think of is to consume dairy products.

I think the Zeta Reticulans can understand the process of positive feedback and reward systems, that is also how humans train pets and animals to do what they want. Reticulans very often tell me that if I obey them they would give me a "wine gum" and they show me a little purple wine gum candy, they are in fact using these purple wine gum candies as rewards to get the hybrids over there to do what they want. Sugar is also sometimes used, but I do suspect that these wine gums are sugar free but they just taste good. Often the Reticulans promise me one of those purple wine gums when they talk to me and are asking me to do things for them involving the medical procedures. And then I always pretend that I get real excited about getting a wine gum. Come on, who gives up their eggs in exchange for one wine gum candy, when I could go out and buy hundreds of bags of different sorts of candies from the store if I wanted to? But I still go with it and play along, because come on, these are the Zeta Reticulans.

I told Hamish today that I love him, and I asked him if anyone had told him already today that they love him? I don't know how my words of affection are affecting him, but we can all see a huge change in his behavior toward me over the years. He started out as someone very ruthless and dominating and always demanding that I honor him and his scales. I don't know if my personality and behavior toward him was what changed him. Though it makes me feel guilty, I have this sense that scientists would not want to alter the behavior of an alien being, and that also it is none of my right to change who he is. He sways his body side to side to show me that everything is ok. But Hamish is not an animal. He is a person. I assure myself that I provide for him a good home, I listen to his needs, I let him know that he is welcome, and I treat him with respect and kindness and friendship. I think he feels comfortable, safe, and relaxed when he is here. "Tik, Tik", he now says. "Yes, comfortable and relaxed.", Hamish says. "Not the other one, the safe one. Because there are fires here, sometimes. Yes-No, safe with them!", Hamish, the fires refer to candles. I did a Mayan Tarot card reading about three times in the past few weeks to which I need to light a candle in my room. I knew it was going to bother Dragon, but I assured him that he would be safe. "Yes-No, pins and needles, cushion.", Hamish says. "At least you do not have them, anymore.", he says. "I love you Hamish. I would always protect you.", I say to him. I would literally take a bullet for him, and when I think about it and I think about what he looks like and who he is, I confirm that yes definitely I would take a bullet for him.

It bothers me that other humans and especially the military would look at him as a dangerous and horrible predator. They always talk of him so condescendingly. I wish they could see him through my eyes and my heart. A human can love another species, we love our dogs and cats and other pets as if they were family. I love this Draconian, I love the person he is. I would wrap my body around him and protect him, I would attack anyone who tried to harm him. I would take on a whole army and rip them to pieces, defending my dragon. He looks at me now, his large and somewhat bulbuous yellow eyes staring wide open into mine, his pupils are vertical slits, and Hamish is inside of that little head of his. He is processing all of what I have said here, of course it leads him to confusion because none of these dangers are actually happening, and Hamish is not one for much of metaphorical or symbolic talk. "I defend you and protect you Hamish. I want you to feel safe.", I say to him. "Yes-No, on the operating table", Hamish says and puts his hands at the back of his back hump and shows me.


Shower and Scent of Dragon
About being with Hamish by the river

May 16 2017, 10:06 PM - Hamish told me that it was a pity that he did not have a place here to do a poo so I told him that he is welcome to use the shower. The shower is a large enough space and has walls around it and then when someone goes to the shower the water should wash it all down the drain. I also ensured Dragon that he is welcome here and that he can make himself at home.

I am writing a book about how to know who your perfect man is and what you are looking for and that is making Hamish more active around here because he sees it as a potential threat to the eggs. At one point he got close to me here where I am sitting on the bed and I caught a sudden whiff of a smell very similar to the smell of vomit. That is one of the nuances of the smell of Hamish. I do not mind of course, this dragon is the love of my life and I rarely am so lucky to have him so close that I can actually smell him.

10:38 PM - A minute ago I said again to the aliens that I would like to live in a Reptilian home together with Hamish for one day. I then got back to my computer to write on my book, and am listening to a playlist with Enya songs. All of a sudden, Hamish sends me a mental image of himself looking at me from a distant location. Seeing him made me feel very scared, I was startled and afraid of him, and his whole persona was like that of a monster, a predator. Don't get me wrong, Hamish has been the best friend of my life for many years now, but still, every time when I really see him, it scares me deeply. But I showed him the same kindness that I always do even at times when I am not seeing him so clearly. Turns out he was showing me himself in the forest where he sometimes goes by a fallen log, the forest floor has all year round fallen leaves from the trees. This was his home that he had wanted to show me, and so he meant, that if I were to live with him in his home then I would be there. He was sharing his home with me in this image.

And turns out, the river where he goes to drown his victims, or often he just loves to stand with his feet in the shallow water about halfway up to knee height if he had knees, that river place is just down the hill from where the fallen log is, so this is definitely a home for him where he loves to go. He loves to place his shedded scales next to the fallen log under a pile of leaves, and he loves to stand there in the water and I think he also washes up in the water. So he was showing me and sharing me the image of his home. This is a place he retreats to quite often, and he always seems so relaxed and comfortable there, but then he still looks at me remotely from there from time to time and sends me those what I call "mental postcards" because then I get to see him in that place in an image in my mind.

He is such a beautiful turtle dragon, but if I were really in the same place with him, I would be so scared. He is such a terrifying creature, my whole body knows that this is a predator and I would tremble and I would scream and want to run away! But, if only I would talk to myself that this is the Hamish that I love and adore, then it would all be fine. Once I would push back the instincts of fearing this hideous beast... he now thinks about how he has stepped with his flat red duck feet down on a hybrid child's back so that its lungs are filled with water, he probably means that he has done that before I don't think there is a hybrid child there now.

But once I would push back the instincts of deeply and tremendously fearing this hideous being, he would be the turtle I love. Even though he looks at me and wants to eat my liver and I can feel it, I would know that I am perfectly safe since he is guarding the eggs. I would wade into the water to go be beside him and put my feet into the water like he does, and, denying my instincts of running away in fear, I would say to him, "Tik, Hamish! Tik!", which is a way to say yes, you are ok. I would sway my head slowly a bit sideways to show him that I am pleased, when I look at him. I would close my upper eyelids partially down, to give him a Draconian smile. And I would exhale slowly, in the pattern that means that I am enjoying.

If I would deny the fear, then we would be talking like we always do, like we talk and interact at most times when I am not seeing him clearly enough to be filled with fear of this being. If I could overlook the fact that he is frightening, then the friendship and the love I have for him would be there. I love a being that is impossible for a human being to love, because, I have gotten to know him under circumstances where he was not close enough for me to feel fear for him. It is like when a woman falls in love with a man that she is only writing with as a penpal and then when they meet in person she knows that she could never have fallen in love with someone who looks like that in real life, but it does not matter because underneath it all they have built a true and lasting love.

Hamish and me have talked together for years. He has shown me that he loves goldfish, and that he is agitated about owls living inside hollows in cactuses. He has talked to me about his mother, and about his liver snacks. He doesn't love music or which he calls "disco" or "music rustic", but he loves standing with his feet on soft rugs. He shows me his back hump or the buttons on the back of his neck when he is upset or serious with me, and he shows me his upper eyelids partially closing when he smiles at me. Sometimes when he sees me he looks at me and smiles with his eyes at me.

He has purred at me out of content. He has rolled me around in bed that one time and given me the most intense sexual pleasures that I have ever had with someone and he had also enjoyed it and he had called it "feeling the power". We have laughed together, we have shared sadness together, I have told him good morning and good night and I love you for many days. I have been sad when he has been gone, and I have been happy when he has been with me. He has shared his precious shedded scales with me, by showing them to me, by stuffing some pieces into the palm of my hand, by placing a large sheet of them on my belly when I sleep, by putting one on my pie so that I would not eat the pie. We have hunted Santa gnomes together and watched tomatoes turn red because they see him.

And so, if instinctually my body and mind reacts with fear when I really do see him, I can remind myself of the friendship that we have. I have been able to form a true love and friendship with this dragon since I have not been seeing him fully clearly for all these years except for sometimes in glimpses. And so the fact that he is a predator and I could have been a prey is something that had been put aside, and I have found a love for him which should have been impossible otherwise. He is the Hamish that I love. I know every nuance and gesture that I can do to express my friendship to him, I know the exhales to make, how to sway my head, what emotions to exude, to express to him my love in his language, even though the kind of love that I feel is not in his vocabulary.

The fear I feel for him is real, when I really do see him. But it is still the Hamish that I love. I can put aside the fact that he is a dangerous predator and the fact that my body (and liver) knows that. And he is still the dragon who hunts Christmas decoration Santa gnomes for their red hats, and who likes to scurry underneath desks in what he calls "table holes". He is still the dragon who says "Yes-No" when he means "No" and who doesn't like Onions and who insists to me that he is a kind of red lobster. He is still those things, and he would be as kind to me then in real life by that river and forest as he has been for all these years when we have been together. He would be exactly the same, and so my body's deep and instinctive fear would be something I would have to put aside. Being next to him real close is like standing faced with a murderer holding a knife and ready to kill me brutally and mercilessly, but he is also the dragon that I love. I would tremble, I would cry, I would fall down on my knees and tears would be falling down my cheeks. "Please, do not hurt me, Hamish! My Turtle Sock! I honor your back and your scales and your race!", I would say to him if we were to really meet in real life out there in that forest that he calls his home where he likes to go.

I was not a hunting prey, predator! - Hamish kindly says to me, swaying his head to one side to show kindness
I know, Hamish. - me
I would not eat your livers as my Snack. I was not hunting for you as my prey. I was not eating your livers! - Hamish
I know that, tortoise. - me
And you were not my bread, therefore. I was not interested in having you as my Toast. - Hamish says, swaying his head one side then the other quickly, to show kindness
Then I was safe with my Hamish, and I would like to be together with you, to guard the eggs. - me
Tik. - Hamish in response to the guarding the eggs part
... Yes-No! Tremble with me! - Hamish about my writing just earlier about trembling, he is saying that he does not want me to tremble before him!
I have not drunk any of that water there, and I would recommend that you also do not, because the lobsters live there! That is why I like to go there! They are my dominant. My eggs. - Hamish, "eggs" in my native language

The instinctive fear would be really hard to set aside, but once I would manage to do that, I could have had a wonderful time together with Hamish over by his favourite river where he likes to go. I know him so well, that as long as I would be safe from harm, I could be immersed in his world, I would be part of the world of a Dragon Turtle, living in his mind, in his gestures, his vocals, with his flat red duck feet, in his scales.

For me, livers! - Hamish says, "for me" in my native language and he opens his mouth as if ready to eat
For Hamish, snacks! - me I say to him
For me, there has been Toast there. - Hamish, everything in my native language except for Toast, he means by his river

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