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Short Stories

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January 15 2017 - March 3 2017

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Reticulans approach me at 4 AM because I had drawings of aliens and planets, I am trying to potty train Hamish, Jack and other human men (ha ha I don't mean that I am potty training Jack and other human men! They are another topic)

March 3 2017, 11:28 PM - Had an interesting night. For one reason or another, I was awake at 3 AM and 4 AM, perhaps since I have jetlag since I just got back to Europe from the USA. Yesterday I had been going through my old things because I have retrieved a box of my precious items that had been in storage in USA for 11 years. I looked through an entire shoebox full of drawings I made in my teens and early 20's of aliens. As you should know (and shame on you if you don't know, just kidding) 4 AM is the magic abduction hour when the Zeta Reticulans decide to show up to do perverted medical research.

That is also when most humans are asleep. - says an alien now
So, it was not perverted, I said. - one alien, while I see a white alien that looks like an Alpha Reticulan, though not sure that he spoke, but it possibly was he who spoke

I had tons and yet tons of marvellous interaction with the Reticulans last night at 4 AM. We had conversations, they approached me (though in mental images from a remote place), they let me see me (in mental images from a remote place...), they talked with me (telepathically), they said many things, it was just one delightful piece of interaction after another. And Hamish was around, and a military man who was maybe General Patton, a second man over there who had red-brown hair I do not know who he was. So much happened, so much delicious dialogue, but yours truly was exhausted (jetlag, among other things) so I did not write it down. Had I written it down, we would have had a classic.

Turns out, the Reticulans had seen me looking through my drawings of aliens and planets and they saw this as a sure sign that I liked aliens, which should mean that I really truly liked Reticulans, and it let the Reticulans feel comfortable to contact me. The Reticulans showed me their hands, which they normally do during interaction, they like to show me their fingers and hands. I got to see their heads. One I think Zeta Reticulan, another one looked strange but Reticulan-like. And hybrid children. One cheerful little hybrid boy, made from my egg, ran into the room there and I said he was such a cheerful little boy. Other children there. Zetas told me that they have their own "broken genes" in my womb and that they are making embryos that they place to grow inside me and which contain their own genetic material. Zetas said they want to collect my fecal matter, that they want to insert a long injection syringe needle (which I got to see a mental image of) in through my belly button, when I asked where the syringe goes into, they did not say. And they wanted to take "an egg", implying "one egg".

I also learned at night from reading Hamish's thoughts, that dragon thinks it a proper idea to pee on the toilet room floor right next to the toilet brush, since he reckons that is already a dirty place. I suggested to Dragon to pee in the shower instead. The next morning, which was morning today, Hamish asked me for a towel that he would have placed on the shower room floor next to the washing machine, he would pee on it. He has seen that we have laundry piled up on that very spot sometimes, towels and other things, that are waiting for their turn to go into the washing machine. Actually Dragon had a good idea about peeing on such a place, it makes sense. I am trying to "potty train" Turtle by asking him to poo and pee in the shower, because the shower gets rinsed clean every time when somebody then takes a shower, but he has other ideas.

I had long dreams from the perspective of a velociraptor type reptile last night, it was scary because the reptile was being chased by humans who wanted to shoot it. I wonder if a Reptilian was conveying to me its thoughts, but I cannot be sure.

One or both of the human(?) men from last night at 4 AM were going to have sex with me while I am there abducted. I don't remember any such stuff. Zetas showed me mental images of hybrid babies, one of which was in someone's arms wrapped in a blanket, and I declared that I wished to hold it in my arms, I have no memory of holding it in my arms though. I felt like almost, almost, I could have been sweapt along to go on a wonderful fascinating journey together with the aliens.

Hello, my name is Hamish. I would like to say, Tok Tok! My Livers! So I would like to say, Tok Tok Tok... And Tok Tok. I won't bite you, I said! Tok Tok Tok Tok. - Hamish
Hamish? Where are you Darling? I will come to you, if you tell me where you are. - me
I won't bite you, for eating the wrong Snacks! Again! - Hamish

As we see from what dragon is saying, I have eaten some sugars today, those are the wrong snacks. Tok Tok means "come here", he is calling for me to come to him. Tok is actually a sound he makes with his palate and throat, it sounds almost like a hen clucking. I LOVE IT WHEN HE TELLS ME THAT HIS NAME IS HAMISH AS IF I DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW!!! DON'T YOU JUST THINK THAT IT IS ADORABLE!!!

Other updates: the other day me and the ex-boyfriend did a D/s session (close your eyes if you are shy and bashful) involving whips and things. It made Hamish really concerned, and he brought in the lime green Reptilian of lately and a Dinosaur and I assured them all that I was fine. But they sure were concerned! Another update: some days ago, a black Orion reptile (not the Alpha Orions, but the black Reptilians) showed up and told me "Omrigosh", which is Orion language for "hello". And I said Omrigosh back at him. And another update: Jack told me the other day about how he and I have children, he came to talk to me about this since it was the aliens' way of initiating for me to maybe get to be part of the awake-club to know what is actually happening with me during abductions and instead I called him out for being a rapist and it turned really sour, instead of some happiness about me and Jack being wonderful parents and having strange hybrid kids, I got upset and accused him of being a rapist and it was uncomfortable and awkward too so moving me closer toward conscious alien contact wasn't going so well. Thing is, that if I am going to get to stay awake for alien abductions, which are happening when I am unaware I am sure, then I would have to comply with both of things: 1. human men who rape me over there, 2. hybrid kids and sexual education which means pedophilia with strange alien animal beings who are dumb as bricks. On the other hand, I would get to meet Hamish. And Zetas.

Tok Tok Tok Tok. I don't want to leave you alone. - Hamish to me
Hamish? I wanted to stay with you. - me, I do this with a head tilt to one side then to the other, it means in dragon body language that I am pleased with him and that I am also calm and that I like him

Ok I have to go to sleep and I am sorry that I did not take good notes, it was delightful how the Reticulans were interacting with me, they seemed suddenly so open to the idea of letting me have conscious contact! I asked them if we can meet again at 4 AM the next night, which is tonight, but we shall see, since I am pretty tired after a long shift at work. Anyway. I guess I should say life is interesting. I want conscious abductions, if I am having abductions.

Don't forget us. We were also there. - says a Dinosaur now when I wrote for the title of this entry "Jack and other human men", which reminds me, I was given mental images of frog people and of Kermit and Kermit's collar last night when they were around


Wanting to stay awake, Reptilians pay me a visit, Reticulan checks me for cancers with an illuminating rod

February 27 2017, 10:53 AM - Last night my boyfriend was having a nightmare and it woke me up and I woke him up and while we were both awake at 3 AM we talked about life and personal problems that we have had. I have told him about my alien and military contact and abduction experiences, but he firmly believes that neither are real, even though I explain to him the many instances of evidence. It is frustrating to me, and will definitely be a reason why I am leaving this man. It feels like violence when I open up to someone who I am meant to love and be loved by and he takes my valued experiences and trashes them. I don't mind someone telling me that they don't believe, but when a person I open up to says, not that they don't believe, but that it isn't real, then it is time for me to leave. I had the experiences I had, whether they were imaginary or based in physical reality, and you do not take them away from me, and you especially do not take my beloved Hamish away from me.

I told him about the Battle at Syracuse abduction, starting from when I had been worried at night about not having physical evidence that these recent aliens were real, and I had asked to talk to the highest leader of the Alien Agenda and was explaining to their Dark Lord how important it was for me to meet them in a real awake abduction. That night I woke up and found myself fully awake in a hospital hallway, and a Dark Lord was standing there in the "insect form" which means that he looked like a large, larger than a horse, dark insect with long twiggy arms and legs. We looked at each other, and I knew that he had brought me here so that I could see for myself. And how I ran through the hospital hallways and through doors, running into hospital staff, and I ended up going through a restaurant kitchen and into a restaurant, I ran outdoors, two men caught up with me and brought me to a house where upstairs I started to become unconscious and was fumbling around the man's bathroom counter thinking that I was going to do my makeup, because now I was thinking that I was on a date, and I think I may have met General Patton there unless it was another dark haired man.

Since my boyfriend does not believe, and he has this toxic way of telling me as if he expects me to get real and to throw all of my experiences into the trash and somehow wake up and live in this boring stupid world that doesn't know what I have been through, I told him that I need to start talking to the leaders of the aliens again about letting me stay awake more, I also asked him would he want to meet the aliens himself and he said yes sure why not. So, the point of all this, is that since I was having this conversation with the man, some Reptilians came around. Of course, I am the only one who can see the Reptilians, someone like he can not. The aliens say they are inhabiting an "overtone" or "overtune", like a universe that is parallel to our own but at a different frequency so to speak. I asked the Reptilians who showed up, where they are, they said they are in an "overtone" "where there are no humans".

One Dark Lord showed up, I could feel him from his dark negative energy which I have not missed. And two Reptilians, one of which was a lime green one, the other one was Hamish. The Reptilians were self-conscious about their smell, they know that humans panic when they sense the Reptilian smell which is very pungent and difficult for our nose. I assured, again, to the Reptilians that I am ok with their smell, I told them it is the smell of dragons and that I have smelled it before and been fine. I saw a beautiful closeup of Hamish. I saw that along the upper outline of his eyes, are evenly spaced beautiful large red bumps, also that his eyes are slanting upward in a beautiful arch on the upper outline.

I said kind things to my beautiful dragons. I was so happy to see them. I know, I know, the consensus is to hate the Reptilians because they are carnivorous, even the Pleiadians side with humans and are unhappy about the Reps. But humans do so much cruelty toward animals. Everyday ordinary humans do not realize how much the animals that they buy as food have suffered. I have personally not witnessed any cruelty done by the Reptilians that was as bad or worse than how much humans hurt other humans and animals. I claim the right to adore my Reptilians. Some people adore lions or crocodiles, even though those are ferocious predators that rip into their prey and eat them alive. There is a beauty to Reptilians which I am not willing to ignore. And the friendship and love I have for Hamish weighs more than the universe.

Hamish said his usual things, such as "Toast" and "Snacks", and after a while he told me to look, and so I was curious about what he wanted to show me. He of course wanted to show me his back hump, and he did, and I saw it, and I told him that I had seen his back hump.

Benevolent aliens who were like angels showed up and I felt about three of them behind me and embracing me, they said they were here to protect me from them. I told the angels that I feel safe with the Reptilians and that Hamish is my best friend and that Hamish protects me. Turns out they were here to protect me from the Dark Lord, and the angelics told me that the Reptilians were not the problem. So it is no joke, that the Dark Lords are tremendously sinister and harmful, just by their presence they can cause a lot of harm.

Then a Reticulan came to talk and was telling me about medical procedures it wants to do to me. I said I was happy to meet them and that I wanted to stay awake for the procedures but of course they did not let me remember any of what they did. So while I was in bed the Reticulan, who was wearing a turquoise and pink tight-fit rubber uniform, he was holding a cylindrical rod in his hands, he said that if he places it against my skin, then it will illuminate any cancers that are in my body. Somehow he was already using it to check me although I was unaware, and also although he seemed to be in another place in a Reticulan medical room. I asked him to also check my brain and head for cancers and I assume that he did. He told me that he had found no cancers in me, and phew that was a big relief for me! The rod produces what I would guess is a fluorescent light blue glow.

So the point of this whole story, is that I will start asking relentlessly for awake abductions. Asking the Reticulans is pointless, they will never let me. But I have more success with asking the Dark Lords. I can also ask Reptilians for close contact and they come close enough to where I will see them ever so clearly but they are hesitant to come close enough to where I would smell them, they are very self-conscious about their smell the way that a human smells them. Is it a problem that after all these years, I adore the Reptilians and my heart skips with joy and I just want to run to them when I see them! I want to go to them and be close to them and when night comes I want to take a blanket and snuggle up next to Hamish's feet and feel and hear and smell his breathing as if it were my own when I fall asleep, close to him, as if my human skin and his reptilian skin were the same layer, our thoughts in the same place, and his eyes how I see the world. I have this whole trust for him, I have given myself to him fully, and I know the universe through him.


Commending the MKULTRA team

February 25 2017, 11:53 AM - MILABS info. So now that I have retrieved my journal notes which I made from the age of 14 to about 21, which had been in storage for 11 years, I can begin reading through and typing them up to share. Last night I decided to telepathically contact one of the guys from back then, and I decided for Assistant Carlisle, I chose him because he was always kinder to me and I had the impression that he wanted to tell me things, even though he couldn't. Oh we had a long chat, and I wrote it down! So I asked him for his first name, I expected to run into resistance, as if they are not allowed to give me their first names, because he had never told me what it was, he was always just Assistant Carlisle. You will never guess what his first name is! He told me just like that! His first name is Langdon! Oh my god can you believe it! My mind could never have expected, imagined, or invented such a name! So are they real?

Carlisle, and I still have to call him Carlisle I don't know who that Langdon person is, he talked to me about how his two daughters are grown up and how he does not have any grandchildren yet. He reluctantly told me he is living in California and he told me not to try to find him. He says he was hired as an outside resource by the Air Force back then and that he worked as a "government co-op or co-operative", whatever that means. He says he also worked with the navy with trauma. I think he was some kind of psychologist but he didn't tell me about his educational background when I asked. He used to run track in school.

Then I contacted the guy who came down the stairs when I was in the basement of a house military abduction all those years ago, he had worn a black business suit with an orange and red diagonal striped tie, he had red brown hair and said from up on the stairs to the basement, "How do you like it here?". I found him in his bedroom, I sensed that he had had alcohol to drink well it was the night between Friday and Saturday so I guess he is allowed. He looks older and almost unrecognizable, he has a full brown beard. I chatted with him a bit, but then I felt guilty about trespassing with remote viewing and telepathy into his bedroom at night. It was already night in the United States, and so I resisted the eager temptation of contacting more of my "guys". Then a military officer who was clearly working some night shift duty, he had white hair and was tan and an older man but looked really fit and healthy, he was wearing a beige military officer uniform but had no hat on, the uniform had those colorful little badges on the chest, he came to see what's what and I excused myself.

This morning the guys told me about Andrew and that he has gotten married by now. I offered my genuine congratulations that he has gotten married. Then I saw a mental image of what must have been Andrew, that same guy with glasses and orange red hair. Then Andrew did a conquest where he overlapped his hands with mine! This is the same kind of thing that General Patton used to do when he was "training" me with MKULTRA. I could see Andrew's hands as if they were right in front of me, I saw him in his upstairs office with blinds and windows that faced the outdoors with some green trees out there and daylight. I could feel his hands as if they were my own, his fingers were longer than mine, his hands larger, very long and beautiful hands, longer and not wider, I mean some men have hands where the palm of the hand is square shaped, his palm of the hand is longer. It is always a very intimate experience, with the overlap. I guess I have to say it. Before he did the overlap of hands, someone I think a colleague of his, or that Andrew did himself, was conveying to me mental images of Andrew in a certain condition and some sexual feelings or images, and I think that was done to make me susceptible to the upcoming overlap even though the overlap in itself was just the hands and nothing sexual. Perhaps, and this is just my perhaps, the MKULTRA team have used some sexual invasiveness to break a person's resistance ability to having another person come really close, because the overlap that they do is more intimate than sex, it feels like being in each other's bodies, it is far more close than any hug, it feels like being in each other's bodies, to feel the skin, the blood vessels, the bones. The purpose of it of course is that they are learning how to use their minds to maneuver another person's body.

Another man was there and he had brown hair and darker but not dark skin, he was meant to also try the overlap but he seemed more cautious and hesitant about it. I hopped out of bed and went to pee and then into the shower. While I was showering, Andrew told me that they have made me think that I have an alien person in my body, which is true, in my teen years and those years when they interacted with me, I was ever so occupied with the thought that I was a different person in my body than the body. He told me that they deliberately try to cause multiple personalities in the person, so that the person is susceptible for these overlap things, of having another person in their body namely the MKULTRA handler. He said some other things too about the work they did all those years ago, but I forget.

Andrew asked me if I ever go out to clubs, I said no, I said that is not my thing. He said that I should, and that he met his wife at a club. I asked Andrew if he would like to wash my body, since he had been using my hands. He did not overlap my hands again and did not respond to that. I was joking with the two guys about how I was showering myself with Old Spice (man's shower soap) since my own shower soap was over, but they didn't think that was funny. I told them that I would smell like a man, and as I stepped out of the shower I added, that it is probably good that I do, because now that they are going to be using my body. I told Andrew to watch carefully as I do my makeup so that he can learn to do it and do it for me if he will be taking over my hands, but he didn't respond to my giddiness then either. I am just trying to have fun with my guys, as always.

I tried to encourage the other shyer man to give the overlap of hands a try! I told him that General Patton already trained me with this, I told them about how General Patton once tackled me so hard that it bumped my head into a wall and hurt. I told the shy guy that they have to be more assertive when they take over the hands or that otherwise it won't work. He didn't give it any tries. I told him that also Sergeant Wilkes was meant to do it but that he only did it one time. I told them about how Patton used to make a tight fist with his left hand and then my hand would do it too, I remembered how tight the fist had been and how much it had hurt because my woman's hands were smaller for so much strength used, but I didn't tell them about the hurting hands part.

The second, shyer guy who was not Andrew, told me that they could go to a "penitentiary". I asked what is a penitentiary and said that I don't know what that word means. He said it was like a prison. They meant that the work that they do here with the overlap and trauma and things is illegal. I told him that they are my guys and that I love them, I said I have known them since I was 14 years old and I would never let them go to prison over this, that I would show up in court and fight for them and tell them that I was willing and a volunteer. I would never let my guys go to prison. I encouraged them to try more overlap of hands, but they didn't.

I have to commend them for their many years of work. For about seven years from my age of 14 to 21 they were putting me under constant verbal abuse, threats of rape, insults, which was done by Captain Greene, Major Cunningham, Captain Stephens, and Andrew, they made me cry many times, made me depressed, at times I stopped eating, I wasn't attending school at times, I became a social recluse, I stayed in bed for long hours, I became jittery and battered, I held a knife against my wrists sometimes but didn't use it it was only to alleviate the anxiety somehow. One time Major Cunningham did the worst thing. He said he would rape my sister. I was at that time completely convinced, that the only thing I could do to protect her was to jump out of the window of the living room I was in so that I would die and Cunningham would somehow die with me, or that otherwise he would rape my sister. The stress and anxiety of that moment was so huge, that I suffered what is in medical terms known as a heart failure, when one of the valves of the heart collapses and blood moves backwards, this led to a partial paralysis of one side of my body, meaning either the left or the right side I forget, it went numb and was it either hot or cold I don't remember. I suffered from the paralysis on the face and side of the body for a long time but gradually it has gotten better but is still not fully recovered on the eye and half of the face feels a bit stiff. When it first had happened I could not move that arm and I had to carry it with my other arm. That is what Major Cunningham did to me.

So, we commend them because they spent all those years breaking me down, and clearly putting some multiple personality syndrome into me because of the alien woman I thought I was supposed to be instead of my real human personality and identity. Then they granted what seemed like a several years break, from my age of about 22 to 28. And then when I was somewhere between 28 to 32, General Patton showed up to train me with the overlap and how he could use his own body movements and his mind power to move my body around. They, or someone, seems to also have taught me remote viewing. And telepathy. So you see, we commend them because this project has lasted them so many years.


Hamish is watching Star Trek

February 24 2017, 3:16 PM - Hamish is watching an old episode of the first series of Star Trek on tv. That is a nice feeling, it creates a full circle somehow. Today Hamish's penis was out a little bit, as normally it is kept entirely hidden inside the body, he said something about the eggs, so I told Hamish "Yes-No" and that we are different races and eggs can not be fertilized, so whatever gesture that was, it was not called for. Yesterday he asked me if he could sit on the sofa, and a few days ago he asked me if he could sit down on the bed. I tell him that he is welcome here and that he is my best friend and that he is welcome to sit anywhere he likes and that he doesn't need to ask. Last night a red Reptilian manifested by the door to the balcony two times, it was different from the mental images I usually have of Reptilians and with this clearer image was also the sinister uncanny feeling that Reptilians emanate. I figure it must have been Hamish. I get away with thinking he is cute when I am not seeing him real close, but the closer I see him the more I am feeling that uncanny predator feeling that he emanates. And let's not forget, when I do meet him in person which has happened a few times, he is far from the cute Sock Turtle I think he is, instead he feels like a predator and I run away screaming. He is adorable but he feels like a scary predator.

Yes-No Onions. I was watching to see that they don't have any. - Hamish says with eyes wide open, he means the Star Trek episode on tv, he then bites into the webbed skin between his fingers
Yes-No!! - Hamish upset at what he sees on the tv screen, I run to the tv and the Star Trek crew are someplace in a room that has many potted plants almost like small trees in pots, so maybe Hamish is just making sure that none of the plants are onions

8:16 PM - We watched several episodes of the original Star Trek series together. Then Hamish said to me something like: "I was trying to show them my space bumps." Oh Hamish. He thinks that people and animals on tv can see him, just like he can see them. I have told dragon many times already that things on tv they cannot see us, but he has to go with his instinct and with what makes sense to dragon. And he was standing close to the tv, showing them on tv his space bumps, which either means his goosebumps, or the blunt crown buttons along the back of his head, or his back hump, or perhaps more than one of these. He is adorable and I love him.


Turtle prints on fingernails, Hamish is amazing, and a UFO sighting! Hamish likes to pee on rocks and we have fun together

February 19 2017, 10:01 AM - A little bit private again, but totally relevant since we need to understand the behavior of Space Dragon Hamish. First. I have made red turtle stencils with nail polish on each of my thumb fingernails in honor of Hamish of course. Hamish responded that he wanted to see them. He was also watching them very very closely to see whether he could detect the turtle drawings on the fingernails moving whatsoever. Isn't it interesting that he is told that these are drawings of tortoises yet his mind thinks that a tortoise is something that moves so the most immediate thing for him to do is to check them very closely to see whether he can spot any movement of these figurines on my nails. There was of course no movement, and I let dragon take a close look. He also told me that these pictures were "very important" to him.

And so, yesterday morning while I was holding the boyfriend's private parts in my hands, Hamish said to me: "Hello my name is Hamish". I absolutely love it when Hamish tells me "My name is Hamish". We have known each other for five years now and I most absolutely know his name by now, yet every once in a while and I love it when he does it he will tell me "My name is Hamish". It is absolutely delightful and sweet and adorable. But. He then told me that he did not want the red turtle pictures, that are on my thumb fingernails, to be touching the man there. So I took my hands off of there.

Yesterday I went to see a movie with the guy. Hamish was standing in the movie theatre aisle very close to me. I advised Dragon to go wait for me in the outside hallway, because the movie was very loud and I reminded him that I know that Draconians have sensitive hearing. Hamish came up real close to me and he laid his long horisontal stiff twig arms down against my lap. There are only a small handful of moments throughout our many years together when Hamish has actually touched me. He is not a mammal, and Draconians see it as a failure to have someone physically touch them. Also it seems that if someone physically touches a Reptilian, then that area of their body turns white and the scales shed off, so it is a failure to them. They are not mammals, they do not hug and kiss and cuddle, they do not hold hands or touch. So these moments when he does touch me are rare, and these go straight into my heart because I love my dragon. I didn't know why he did this gesture, nor did I ask. I just let him lay his arms down across my lap, and I cherished the moment. I let him do the dragon things he does. I love and respect him so much, that I give him so much freedom to just be the dragon he is. He is perfect and beautiful, even when he puts a large sheet of his shedded scales down on my freshly baked apple pie that was cooling up on the stove top so that he claims it and I won't eat it, or when he growls at red Santa figurines or says "Yes-No Onions!". I give him complete freedom, and I sure do get many laughs from watching his normal behavior! This was not a laughing matter though of course, this was one of those adorable moments that I interpret as something tender. He then stuffed a medium-sized piece of a floppy white shedded scales of his into my left hand. "Thank you Hamish. I appreciate the kind gift.", I said to my dragon. I also told him that he should perhaps better put it in my purse, or on the pillow at home, somewhere where it wouldn't get lost, because I cannot fully see it or pick it up and it might get lost in the movie theatre, I told him. He said that it was ok because he would pick it up himself afterwards. So I cherished partially seeing, partially feeling, the sheet of shedded scales from my dragon in my hands while I watched the movie.

I used to be a bit grossed out by his shedded scales, it was more like something like earwax in the beginning, creepy and gross. But over time, I have gotten to know him. I know what his scales mean to him, and I have begun to hold the same form of appreciation for it, as he does. His shedded scales are very important to him. He saves them, he keeps them. He washes them in water and then places them neatly on rugs to dry. He then organizes them carefully, lays them out on his favorite nest-rugs and stands and stomps on them, making them soft. He will then re-wash them to keep them from drying and cracking, and he tends to his scales tenderly and he likes to look at them and sort and arrange them. He is very proud to show me them, especially the larger pieces, and he often also tells me from what part of his body a sheet was from. Sometimes he lays down a large sheet down on my belly, or on my chest, or stuffs a medium-sized piece into the palm of my hand, and I know to be grateful and to thank him for the gesture, even though I am sure that he is, in one form or another, claiming me and asserting ownership and territory by placing his scales on me. I used to feel uncomfortable when he would sprinkle the individual scaly bits into my bath water when I was in the bath, but now I have come to expect it and it almost seems wrong if he does not do it.

Aliens just now showed me a mental image of a happy Kermit doll and that made me really cheerful!

After the movie, and dinner, with the guy, I told him that I would want to go star watching with him to see UFOs. He hasn't seen any UFOs and I would love for him to see them, also I haven't gone out UFO watching in years! So we were driving toward a more remote location, and while in the car and the top of the car was up so I could see a part of the sky, I saw while we were driving, first one UFO and then another. I forget how the first one manifested, if it was just a glow in one spot, but the second one was magnificent. It gradually tuned up its light into a bright white glow which lasted for about two seconds while the UFO was standing still in one location in the sky. It then faded the light out and made another large white glow slightly to the right from where it originally had been so it had moved. The light faded and then after a while it made another even brighter white glow and was moving slowly toward the right. Once the third glow had been faded, I could see it as a small white object in the sky moving toward the right, and I followed it with my eye. It was not an airplane of course, because it was capable of standing still at times, it was quiet, and it did not blink regularly. It was not a meteorite since it was at times standing still and later moving, and it did not move across the sky as fast as shooting stars move but slower, and it had made three separate bright glows, at different time intervals in between the glows, each glow lasting for a slightly different amount of time, and each glow being of a different magnitude than the others, the third and last glow being the brightest. It was a UFO. We stopped the car in a large parking lot outside of the city but we did not see any more UFOs, and also he had not seen the one I saw while he was driving. I asked the aliens to come back and they told me telepathically that they would, but we saw none, and then the clouds moved in and we had to leave. We will try again tonight if the clouds aren't in the way.

I don't exactly know which alien species is in the UFOs that I see, and that makes it a little bit nervous and exciting. Are they the Pleiadians? Reticulans? Draconian Reptiles? Or the Orions? Or perhaps someone else? The alien that was talking to me at the time he said that he is a "Zeta Remulan". Which is confusing to me with all of my taxonomy on aliens. I told him I know of the Alpha Remulans, which are the brown scorpions. He looked like a form of Zeta Reticulan, with a large but almost turquoise-hue skin, he wore a rubber tight uniform of turquoise or blue and purple or pink colors. The head was large and bulbuous up top with no hair, the eyes were probably not all black like on Zeta Reticulans (Zeta Reticulans are the notorious "Greys"), the chin was pointy which looks more like the Airship People but these were not the Airship People however, also the chin was not as pointy as on the Airship People.

Hamish talked to me this morning while I was having sex with the guy. Hamish was watching me have sex. Also a white alien (meaning a Reticulan of some sort) was talking to me during it asking me if I remembered when they took my eggs in the night, I said I can't remember and I asked him why they won't let me remember, he said they don't let me remember because I "vomit" in the night while I am there and they don't want me to remember that. I said I look forward to meeting them and I look forward to the friendship we would have (bleh?) and that vomiting is not an obstacle for that contact.

I guess I am not ashamed of Hamish watching me have sex. The aliens don't make a big deal out of it, though I do admit that it makes me feel a bit awkward and ruins the sex for me. It isn't the first time that I have felt that I'd rather have no sexlife or man because of the aliens who are in my life and watching. It also broke my heart because when Hamish talks to me, I just want to go to him so badly! I love spending time with my dragon, and when he is up to something and doing something or he talks to me, I don't want to miss a single heartbeat of it! I am so close to him. I feel my body relaxing when we are together, and yes I am talking about Hamish and me. My heartbeat and blood pressure and breathing literally all relax when I am with my dragon. I feel completely safe when Hamish is near, I trust him so completely. And I realize, that I do not want to have a sexlife or a man in my life. I don't want to wake up next to a human man and have sex in the mornings. Instead I want to wake up and before I even open my eyes I call out telepathically "Good morning Hamish!" and then me and Hamish begin our day. Yesterday he told me that he does not have any good rugs here, at this guy's apartment. I promised him that I am going back to our apartment in the other place soon and that his beloved snuggy rug is there waiting for him, and he was happy about that.

I am so close to Hamish, that I feel as if nothing else matters to me except that he is happy. Does a human ever feel this kind of love toward another human? Does a Dragon Turtle ever feel this way about another Dragon Turtle, or about themselves? Or is it just how a human heart feels about a Dragon Turtle, or about Hamish? How can I love him so much?

11:38 AM - Yesterday Hamish talked to me about his peeing. I suggested that he would be welcome to step into the bathtub and pee there, because I could then easily rinse it off with the shower hose. He told me that he pees on rocks that are just outside of the front door, he said that those rocks dry up very quickly. I told him that those rocks are on wooden planks and that his pee would trickle down underneath the planks and drip there and that it would be better if he pees either in the bath tub or outside on the grass lawn. At home he pees on larger sheets of his shedded scales. Sometimes he has even handed me sheets of his scales that had pee on them. I know that humans pee in the toilet. His behavior might sometimes come across as odd, but he is a dragon. Maybe it makes more sense for me to pee on rocks because it will dry and "go away" in the heat. I dream about one day living together with Hamish for a day or two in his world. I would live by his rules, do things the way that he does. I would bite into things and use my feet instead of using my hands, like he does. I would sway my body gently from side to side with my eyelids partially closed to show that I am pleased, make loud high pitched palate clicks to tell him that I love him, growl and say "Yes-No Onions!" while scraping one of my feet backwards, step with my feet softly up and down, up and down, on soft ruggies. Yesterday I placed my handbag up on top of my upper back and held it there with my hands while bending my back a bit downwards into the camel posture that he has, and I told Hamish that I have a backpack hump back like he does. He seemed positive about it, and he did not take it as a threat or as a sign of dominance. We have fun together, me and a dragon from outer space.


My Turtle Duck Kissy Feet

February 17 2017, 12:01 noon - I'm visiting the ex-boyfriend who is the Free Mason and did mind control on me. I looked at some of his Free Mason literature, and honestly it doesn't seem to have anything strange in it at all. The first time I ever met Hamish my red dragon was the first time when I met this man. This time around, I have noticed that the Reptilians, not just Hamish but a few other ones as well, they come and watch me when I am doing sexy things with the man, namely we are doing some D/s things. Hamish doesn't

His job, and his project, is to guard the eggs. That is why he is there. We took him there, for us. - Reticulan about Hamish
That is why he gets his snacks, for the program. I wanted the eggs to be safe. So I am watching, Tiiik! - Hamish

As I was just about to say, Hamish doesn't usually pay attention if I am having sex with a man, but the D/s stuff the Reptilians are really staring. And the reason is, as the aliens just here already said it themselves, they want to see if I am safe. I do believe that this is the reason why I saw Hamish for the first time during my first weekend with the man, because we were doing some D/s stuff I should not elaborate because there are kids reading. Whips and things. So I have explained to Dragon that it is not harmful and that it is only sensual. I will mention one thing. There was the other day a black dildo involved, and Hamish stared at that and later that day Hamish informed me that this was a good thing because it is better than a man because it does not affect the eggs.

I do realize that I should not be writing personal sexy stuff on the internet, let alone be writing it at all. But the fact of the matter is, that these are real alien beings, and anything they think and do about anything is really very interesting, how they respond to things. If I start censoring anything out, then we don't have a full picture of how Reptilians behave.

It surprises me every day when Hamish does not try to intervene when I am having sex. If his job is to guard the eggs, how come he does not growl or rip me away or say anything to make me to stop? Most of the time he goes to another room but if there is D/s stuff involved then he or also other Reptilians stare closely because they seem to want to know that I am not being harmed.

I have had a few visiting Reptilians, one lime green one with one crested plate on the head and some larger dark ones. I spread my fingers wide and rocked my upper body side to side slowly and I said "Tiik, Tiik Tiik" and said to the visiting Reptile that it was "Hamish's eggs".

This morning Hamish told me that he had been given "a sliver of liver". I was so happy that they are feeding my dragon. A few nights recently I have closed my eyes and seen a lot of hybrid children and Reticulans gathered around me and looking at me, although they are not physically here present. These hybrids are ones I have described before, they have a brownish skin color and look much more human than the white hybrids. This morning a white hybrid child told me that my face looks different than theirs. Oh and the aliens still show me mental images of Kermit or frog puppets in the evenings sometimes and it still makes me really cheerful to see that! So things are pretty much going normal here, even though I am in the United States and with someone else.

I am getting ready to retrieve my old journal notes that I took from the age of 14 to about 21 which has all the MILABS stuff and conversations with the seemingly human military men and men in black suits (I call them "surveillance men" or "survey men" for short). I would be typing those up and publishing them under a separate section as the MILABS diaries, pretty interesting stuff!

Hamish still keeps showing his back and telling me that he is proud of his back. And many times a day I tell him that I love him and that I am proud of him and proud of his back and scales and race and red color and goosebumps. I still call him my Turtle Sock or Sock Turtle. "Tiiik!", Hamish now says and I see him raise his head up a little and he seems really excited. When Hamish says one single long Tiik! it seems to be like a happy excited shriek, it always reminds me of a little girl who gets excited from seeing a puppy!

Did you know that every time when I look at him and he looks at me, he raises his lower eyelids halfway up and lowers his upper eyelids a little bit diagonally, and that means that he is smiling when he looks at me. The military men are unhappy about Reptilians, and they do not like my Hamish. They complain that Reptilians smell bad and are dangerous creatures. The military are never happy to see a Reptilian. Most humans if they would see my Hamish, they would see a hideous scary creature and have a negative experience. But when I look at him, I see someone who is very aware of his appearance, who sees and understands himself as a very decorative being, his raised back hump means power, the sixteen blunt orange buttons along the back of his head are a crown and make him significant, and his red color makes him important. He is beautiful, he is handsome, he is proud to display his back, and he only shows his crown buttons when he needs to be adamant and assertive. And what no other human could ever see, if they did not really intimately know this being, is the warm and beautiful smile when he looks at me and raises his lower eyelids. He smiles at me, and I see a happy and loving face who greets me with kindness and friendship. You have to know him to see these things.

And if you know him, and you look at him, you do not see a hideous scary monster when you look at him. Instead you see a good friend, who has soles of his duck feet that are more sensitive to touch than the human hands and like to step gently on soft rugs, someone who sways his head sideways and closes his eyes almost fully and lets out a grunt purr when he is pleased, someone who shrieks "Tiiik!" when he seems excited and cheerful! A cutie who hides under "table holes" when he is scared, who thinks that just by showing his back hump he can be safe from any of the dangers of the world. We have shared joys together, fears together, sadness together, wishes hopes and dreams together. I have never been so close to someone. I would die for him. I love him so much. My Turtle Duck Kissy Feet.

PS. It could also very well be that Draconians like to watch D/s because it is similar to a hunter-prey situation which they enjoy. Reptilians are predators. We humans are not predators even though we are able to use tools to hunt down large prey. The mind of a predator is completely different from the mind of a cute cuddly fuzzy mammal what we are. I have witnessed instances where a Reptilian, and that Reptilian has on few occasions been my Turtle, gets fixated with what behaves like a prey, then their mind locks on it and they get carried away and you cannot get them to snap out of it, it escalates. Reptilians also love to look at, to watch, things that are behaving like prey. Reptilians are extremely observant creatures, their eyesight is tremendously good and they notice every single detail around them. It could be, that they would enjoy watching D/s because it is similar to a prey situation, but I would have to verify that before we are too sure. However it is entirely certain that Hamish has been watching me because he is making sure that me, and the eggs, are safe. I'm proud of his back. And his scales. And Kissy Feet.

PS 2. Jack from the NASA team has been chatting a lot lately. You know how he seems... who am I kidding. Not just seems. So you know that the aliens want hybrid and seemingly human (unless as probably is the case part hybrid also) children out of me? So to make children you need men, unfortunately. Jack is one of the guys who has been making children with me for many many years, probably ever since I was 13 years old. He has very deep strong feelings for me, he acts almost as if I were his wife and that he loves me. It is only awkward, because I have not had those moments with him, we have not shared those times together. I don't remember. He has built some kind of years-long relationship with me, and I don't remember meeting him in person once. So he got really sour when he had been shown by the aliens that I am intimate with another man. Jack almost doesn't want me anymore. It bothers Jack that another man has had sex with me. It bothers him that I give a lot of oral sex to some other man. I honestly don't know how to respond to him about that. If Jack wants to marry me in real life then why doesn't he meet me in real life then? He is probably married himself already, although I doubt that. I honestly don't have any warm or intimate feelings towards Jack, I don't know him, and this is all awkward. The aliens are now showing me mental images from the U.S. Air Force Base again which I have seen before. I was once aware walking there with was it Richard Swansea what was he, a Colonel or Captain Swansea I am starting to forget? It is an old Air Force base on high altitude, the air there now is cold and very wet like right after it would have rained. The grounds are paved and the asphalt is cracking and uneven and grass growing from in between. The grounds are surrounded

Hello this is General Patton. - GP says now and I see him
Hello. What would you want today, on this fine day? WHATDO YOU WANT! - me
The Agent Brown wasn't here for you now. - someone says and I see a cute black Reptilian with a tiny head and large dark eyes
You are a cute lizard. - me
Thank you. Buttercups, for me. - the cute black lizard man smiles with his eyes and says
YOU WERE A CUTE lizzard. - me
We wanted to talk to you about Jack, and your underpants. - black lizard says
Yes? Tell me? - me
He was just monitoring us, our folks. And he cared deeply about you, once, at one point. He wasn't set, to be your husband. - black lizard but almost turned into a Dark Lord because of the hands arms and body, "husband" in my third language

It's all good. I'm about ready to go out on a drive with my ex-boyfriend. The weather is nice and sunny here and I am actually having a good time with him.

PS 3. The other day in the evening Hamish said "Tok Tok Tok". It means "come here to me". So I said to Hamish "Hamish where are you I will come to you". And one day after that I said to Hamish "Hamish, where are you?" and he said "Tok" which means "I am here."

I was writing that the Air Force base grounds are surrounded by a mesh metal wire fence. There are several huge hangar buildings out of metal, at least one of these are a red color on the outside. It really looks like an abandoned base but it is in use since the aliens can visit it and some of the military can be there. A Reptilian is now looking at me right in the eyes, it is possibly Hamish but I am not sure. A minute ago Hamish said "my sofas!" and he was coming toward the sofas where I now sit.


Nice things

January 28 2017, 10:40 PM - Hamish told me today that he would like to have some liver snacks. So, all day I have been nagging at the Reticulans to please feed my dragon. Please give Hamish some liver snacks, he is hungry, and, if you do not feed your Draconians properly then you should not have any and I will come and take Hamish away from you and feed him myself. So, today I drank one whole liter of milk, real cow's milk, all in one go, hoping that with that, I am earning some tokens with which I can bargain with the Reticulans to let me stay awake during abductions, but above all so that they can feed my Hamish one liver snack. I take care of my dragon, whatever it takes. (For the record, I am sure that they are feeding my Turtle just fine, but when he is hungry for a snack, I think they could give him some extra snacky bites to eat. Just my sayin'.)

I asked Reticulans why it is so important for them that I drink milk, or "milk for the eggs!". I told them that I have purchased a one liter package and that they are welcome to take that package with them if they need it. They explained that I need to have drunk the milk first, that they extract it from my body, that it needs to have the enzymes in it that my body secretes for it. I think in one part, milk nourishes my egg cells, and also any possible hybrid embryos that may be living in me in the other dimension if that makes sense (no it doesn't)? But they also insert a hollow thin plastic tubing down my nose and into my stomach to vacuum suction out stomach contents. So when I drank the whole liter, I told them to hurry up then because as I've learned in human anatomy class, liquid stomach contents passes from the stomach after ingestion in just 15 minutes. I was not aware of being taken or of having my stomach contents suctioned in the several hours that followed (or since).

They seem to feed my suctioned out stomach contents to hybrid children. I know that the aliens tell me not to eat "chickpeas", when they feed chickpeas from my stomach and into hybrids, the hybrids cannot digest or handle it and they vomit it back out. But when I eat cow's milk then that stays and nourishes the hybrid bodies. Yeah, so you see the aliens are feeding the hybrid children with my vomit. They need my body to digest it and to add the enzymes because the hybrids have issues with their part-Reticulan part-human digestive system and body. Appetizing?

Here is a message to Hamish: Hamish, I am proud of your back. You are the old significant race, and I honor you and your scales. You are the best friend I have ever had, and I love you so much Turtle Sock. I wish that I could one day meet you, and see you again with my own eyes. We could stand in the river together, or feed the fish with fish food pellets and look for the ones that are red like you are, and you can show them your back. I would like to meet with you and see your back hump and look also at your goosebumps. I hope that they give you your liver snacks to eat today, because I drank a whole liter of milk just so that you could get your snacks. I want Hamish to be happy. I love you so much, I don't think you understand how much I love you, or what that means, and I don't think I can understand that either, how much love I have for you in my mere human heart and soul. I love you Turtle, Tik.

Today also, when he looks at me, he smiles. He raises his lower eyelids horisontally up halfway across the eyes, and lowers his upper eyelids partially diagonally down when he looks at me. He looks at me with such kindness. Recently I was greeted by a neon green Reptilian who has one "crested" plate on the top of the head, I said nice things to him, and not much came out of the contact.

You know what, one night years ago the Reptilians had been showing me while I slept images of civilizations on Earth and in outer space and when I woke up I was aware of their presence and I started to nag, "Pick me up! Pick me up! Pick me up!" for a long time. Suddenly I found myself in a white space where I was laying on my back and a Crocodile Man was standing behind me with his hands on my shoulders. Oh it was so exciting! I kept putting my hand behind me to my shoulder to touch the green scaly dry hands, I felt that it was irritating him and disturbing his concentration on the transport but I just couldn't help it! He floated us toward a saucer-shaped metal colored alien spaceship where I arrived in a room with a medical table and two or three dark black-red-brown Reptilians. Shortly after I was taken to a bathroom and told that I was about to throw up. I didn't recall feeling nauseous, but I was holding both arms tight against my belly. There were toilets there like what you would see on Earth and a counter with wash basins for washing the hands. I just stood there by the wash basins. Two little girls one a bit older and they seemed to be sisters showed up in their night gowns, they both had nosebleeds and were there to put paper against it. The moral of that story (apart from wow Reptilians!!!) is that I could possible nag myself to another great contact if I wanted to.

You don't want to come here, because we watch at your pyy-pyy. And, that is where we get our salads from. Do you know? - White Praying Mantis insect right now
I want to come there, to meet with you - me interrupted
You are those little childrens' mother, and we feed with them. Do you understand? - white mantis
I understand, you eat my hybrid kids. - me, it opens its mouth and exposes two yellow mandible-claws on either side left and right which it spread wide while having its mouth open
I want to meet Hamish. He is my friend. And I want to meet with you too. - me
We do colonics, colonoscopy. Do you understand that? - white mantid
I understand. And I want to visit. Those are small prices to pay for close contact with ETs. - me
Do you want to meet us then? And, if we take you away? And, whisk you away! - white mantid
Yes. I want to come. - me
We are not living on the earth's crust. We are not from here. - white mantid, meaning planet earth surface
Where are you from? - me
We were genetically altered, from a pre-existing sub species. - white mantid
From what species? Why do you resemble so much the insects that live on Earth? Are you made from them? Are you friendly? Can I visit you, and see how you live, and be your friend? - me
We take your pants and panties off. - one of the aliens not Hamish
I would like to meet an Alpha Remulan. If that is possible. - me
We take your panties, and underwear off. - Reticulan
I can do that too. I can take them off myself. - me, I now see a Zeta Reticulan, large bulbuous white head and large black eyes, the eyes reflect a dot of shine, and look as if made out of a sticky black tar, like molten black plastic bags
Can I visit then? What are the prerequisites for me to visit? Can I meet Reptilians? I want to see Draconians. - me
Hey, ho, whoa! - Jack, I see the background of the meeting room that I've described before which Jack is associated to
Hello Jack from the NASA team. Are you here to ruin my, wishes again? I want to meet them. - me
And do what with them, I wonder? - Jack looks stern he frowns and crosses his arms
Just to say hello. They are my friends, you know. I drank a liter of milk for them today, and it wasn't even disgusting, because I bought a good brand of milk. Otherwise it's gross. I want to meet them. - me
We have tempel sites where we go. We could meet you there, and, Yes, Tik! - Hamish
Hamish! I want to meet you Hamish! I love you Turtle Sock! - me
Mine, pasta, Yes-No! - Hamish
Why Yes-No pasta? - me
Mine, Hamish said. - Hamish
You just wanted to claim things. To own things. Hamish likes to own things. Yes, Hamish, Tik! - me, and I sway my upper body sideways a few times to show him that I love him
I love you Turtle Turtle. - me, HE DOES A PALATE CLICK IN RESPONSE TO THIS WHAT I SAID!!! Oh my god I am the happiest, Hamish just did a palate click for me. That means that he likes and approves and is being kind.
You want to come, to triangle, to society. - a Reticulan I think, in my native language, triangle of course means the yellow pyramid their logotype, and society or organization it means their group of aliens of the yellow pyramid

Ok I have to go pee and then go to bed or brush my teeth first, it is already past my bedtime but we know I could go on and on talking with my aliens and telling dragon nice things about himself.


Does he like me? And rug

January 26 2017, 1:53 PM - I used my remote viewing skills to take a look at Hamish, to connect with him. He sensed my presence and he looked at me and he smiled and he called me Buttercup. Whenever he sees me, he will smile at me with his eyes. There was that one time when I was sort of waking up lying on the Reticulan medical table and when I looked around, right to my side was dragon Hamish, and he looked at me and his eyes were smiling big. He smiles when he looks at me. Does he like me?

And last night, ha ha! I had gone to bed and it was dark. Like I wrote yesterday evening, I was hoping he would do something more cute before I fall asleep, and Hamish knows how to deliver. So he was standing by our toilet room, which has just the toilet and not the shower or tub. There is a fresh bathroom ruggie there that I have placed on the room. The telepathic image of what is going on with Hamish is being sent to me. It depicts my dragon, scraping his foot about two times backwards on the floor near the toilet and ruggy. He then scurries to he ruggy and is all fond of it and cute and cozy and wanting to tread on it! He is like a bird that makes itself comfortable in a nest, it is really cute. And I love how he tends to scrape his feet backwards when he is grooming himself. Hamish has a lot of interesting behavior that is so much fun to see. But most importantly, he smiles when he sees me. I want to live with him.


Butt doctors, Just hanging out with Hamish, hybrid kids like birthday parties and I don't like hybrid kids, And long conversation with Jack and Hamish and Reticulans

January 25 2017, 8:57 PM - Just now an announcement from the aliens: "The butt doctors are coming." I asked when are they coming, and I got to see a perfectly clear mental image of an Alpha Reticulan. I said how beautiful it was to see it and that it was my new friend, it made no comment or response. There is something sinister in the look of the eyes of the Alpha Reticulans. They look cruel and evil in their eyes. But I still look greatly forward to one day meeting them in person! And of course it does not escape me, that "butt doctors" sounds really funny. Of course I giggle about their choice of name.

Today I was seeing Hamish in many pictures. Throughout any period of time, he will mention several times his back hump, and he himself is very aware of his back hump. And so I talk to him about his back hump and I tell him that I have seen it. I must have the patience of a loving mother because I have this endless fountain of attention that I can give to his back hump. Most people would get bored (he now wants to bite into my fingers, maybe because I said that someone could get bored about his back hump). And he talks so much to me with his eyelids. We have laughed and we have smiled to each other with our eyes today. He looks at me and he smiles with his eyes. I find that remarkable and really beautiful too. I was playing a video game and there was some music in it and Hamish said "Yes-No disco." He often refers to music that is playing as "disco", or he can also call silent ambient music that I am playing he calls it "music rustic". Draconians don't like music, they don't like onions, and they also don't like used plates or trash.

Jack from the NASA team had a long chat with me. We talked about all sorts, but regrettably when I do not write it down immediately, then I tend to forget the details. He talks about some "alien bugs", meaning "aliens".

And the aliens told me about how the hybrid children love to celebrate birthdays and have garden birthday parties where they get toys. I have been shown scenes from that before, but I said that I am not interested and that I would only celebrate my Hamish. It made some of the kids genuinely upset it hurt their feelings that I would not be happy about giving them toys. Reticulans give tons of toys to hybrid children, the kids are literally swimming in toys. These toys are provided to them by humans, and the funny thing is is that there is a warehouse that is full of toys and these are toys that look like they are from the early 1970's so it is really both creepy and interesting. Remember that hybrid boy who threw toys at me and it hurt, in a real close encounter alien abduction thing? Today Reticulans and hybrids said they want me to help them learn about sex or how they said it, I said no thanks because I know they use hybrid children and pedophilia and that I am not interested.

Hamish is cute. I love my Sock Turtle. "Tiik!", he said in response to that!

One more thing, Jack said again today things that do not exactly hide the fact that he seems to be in love with me. Now, I am not talking about a crush, or the fact that he would find me attractive, or any of those little thing. He seems to have a really deep fondness of me which is like a family connection, like true love, like what a family who has known each other and been genuinely close for a lifetime could only feel. Has he known me for more years than I have known of him?

Let's see. Yeah! - Jack says now about my writing "has he known me for more years than I have known of him"
How about those livers, eh? - Jack says to my Turtle Hamish
My Socks. - Hamish lifts up and shows one of his flat red duck feet
Jack? - me
Yeah, what's the matter, my Barbie? Yeah, I really like that you have now got more length of that hair. So, what'cha got? What do you want now? - Jack to me
Are you human, or are you an alien that is pretending to be a human? - me
Crackers for me! - Hamish, "for me" in my native language, "crackers" in my other language, and he looks right at me
Jack? Where are you right now? Why are you involved? - me
Just guess. - Jack in response to my question "why are you involved"
You see, the aliens are here. And they want me to do stuff to ya. Do you know what? What they want, huhm? - Jack
What do they want. - me
They want, alien farms here. - Jack
Well, I already know that. Jack? Did you ever meet my Hamish Turtle in person close by? - me
The dragon one? - Jack
Do you like him? - me
Well, what's there to not like, geesh! - Jack
I was with my prominent name, and status here! - Hamish
Hamish was here with his back, and his prominent race. My honored Hamish, was here, he said. - me
Tik! - Hamish, that means yes, to what I said
Jack? Can I meet you in person? - me
Well, you are called their flower. And guess what I am. I am what you call, a nosy guy. - Jack
What do you mean you're nosy? What are you doing over there? - me
I am nosy about you. And what else. - Jack
What else? - me
What, no, no more. - Jack, seems to say to Hamish who may have said something to Jack
Jack. Do the aliens let you have sex with me when I am unaware. - me
What you said? - Jack
You heard me. Do they? I want to know. - me
Look. I am only chasing your alien bug. You know about that one, don't you? - Jack

Some clarification here: "my alien bug" refers to an alien woman who sometimes lives through me, since I am a Starseed which means alien incarnation. Jack is very interested in that. Oh, and another thing that Jack said today is that he is "an alien hunter". I had then asked him if he has found any aliens, and he said he has found many.

Jack? Where do you live? In what U.S. State? - me
What makes you think I am there? I am on an island. - Jack
What island are you on? What island? TELL ME! - me
No, no I am not going to now. - Jack
When will you tell me? - me
You know, that these aliens want to shoot us. They have us on targets. And we are trying to stop that, before all hell breaks loose! So, Eva, what is your part in it? - Jack, instead of Eva he used my real first name, and he had thought of laser beam guns that the aliens have aimed and ready
Do you meet me or see me in person when the aliens take me to other places? - me
Well, they take yer eggs here. That is what they do. - Jack
And you have to watch? You see me there? Can't you wake me up when I am there? - me, I see a Zeta Reticulan, it shows me some ampoule or small thing in its hand and tells me without words that this what it is holding has to be stored cold
Jack... do we have children together, or those alien creatures? - me
Yes! How many, I won't say. - Jack
And, ... Does that mean that you had sex with me or is it done in the laboratory the mixing? - me
What do you need to know about that, what do you need to know about it? - Jack
Tell me the answer to my question. Not that it matters. - me
I am not going to tell you about the mixing that they do. Because, it does not involve me any more after that point. - Jack
Hello, now listen to us. She is just afraid of being raped. - Zeta Reticulan, still holding that blue and white vial or ampoule in its hands, says to Jack
We wanted to show you this, before it goes away, before it goes bad. We want to, or we wanted to, put this inside your belly. - the Zeta to me about the ampoule contents
If you would let us do it! - another white alien Zeta or Alpha
What is Hamish doing right now? - me
I am looking at my feet, my duck feet. - Hamish with eyelids closing so that he is smiling at me when he speaks
My Turtle darling. I love you Hamish, you are so sweet to me. - me
I was not that, then, Tik! - Hamish turns around, puts his hands at the lower end of his back hump, and shows me his back hump, he means that what I said about him being sweet, then I was not saying something about his back hump, and maybe I should have
Jack? Is it possible that you and I some day meet? - me
I go there. Very often. And there we sit with those guys. Who want to harm us, and do stuff, to take over this planet! - Jack shows me his mental image of the board room that has chairs like on steps, I have seen that board room many times, and seen that Jack takes part in those meetings. I think aliens are part of those meetings there.

I'll just go have my shower and go to sleep and tomorrow is a new day. I don't really want to make the effort to get to meet Jack. I don't know what that would do, to see him. I'll just go to bed and leave it all at that here and hope that Hamish does something more cute before I fall asleep, and that he will again be there when I wake up and I get to say "good morning Hamish I love you!" to him tomorrow again.


Clean floors for dragon, No langoustines on pizza, Penis parts, and Pakeha

January 25 2017, 2:07 PM -

These floors would have to be impeccable. Yes-No! - Hamish, though I forget by now if he said your floors or these floors

He refers to one used dinner plate that is on the bedroom floor next to his rug, the plate is not really dirty but was just used for something, and on the plate I have a box with the peels from two mandarin oranges that I ate earlier today, so not really a big mess or that dirty. But, dragon likes his floors clean.

Yesterday and some day before, when I made a pizza in the oven, Hamish looks very closely on the pizza toppings just to make sure there are no "langoustines" on it, and I tell him it is spinach and cheese.

Yesterday the aliens showed me a mental image of male parts, possibly hybrid male parts though well-endowed, I suspect it was hybrid because I think the skin was white and no pubic hair. I then asked them "Why are you showing me this?" and there was no answer. Today the Reticulans asked me if I know what "vas deferens" is, I said yes I know but there was no other conversation. Today they said something about Pakeha having brought out a lot of the hybrid babies for me to see. Pakeha is a young adult male hybrid Reticulan, but he looks almost just like a Reticulan. Me and Pakeha were supposed to "get married" but it didn't work out that way.

The below conversation was in parts in my other language, in parts in my native language:
Do you know what vas deferens is? - Reticulan
Yes, I know what it is. - me
It is like the fallopian tubes. It brings sperm cells to your eggs. - Reticulan
Not to my eggs! - me

Yoghurt, for me! - Hamish to narrate me
Yoghurt snacks for me! - me
Look, a tail! - Hamish turns around and shows me his tail, not his back, but his tail


ALIENS!!! They check my throat and get fecal samples and show me an alien hybrid baby, Jack from the NASA team and a geared up soldier is there, and Hamish likes to be left alone with his snacks

January 25 2017, 7:20 AM - Last night was interesting, with the aliens and Jack. In the evening when I was getting ready for bed, Hamish informed me that I should not eat sugar. The Reticulans assured me, that it should only be for a while. But Hamish had said it so sincere, and looked at me from the depth of his eyes while he said it, and I realized how fond I am of this dragon, that I could have promised him anything. I told the aliens I would not be eating any sugar, for a while. I now wake up to a brand new day wondering if these promises to adjust my diet for the sake of the eggs and embryos are really feasible, but I did promise Dragon. As long as I can eat fruits and berries, I should be fine to lay off sugar for a while at least.

I put my head on the pillow and got underneath the blankets and the lights were off and I closed my eyes and got ready to go to sleep. Then all of a sudden the aliens put a clear image that pops up in my mind, depicting a white water-wading bird in the water and its long yellow beak is open and sitting in the open beak and halfway out and facing me, is the most delightful green frog with red markings around its eye. I just had to shriek, and giggle, because I love frogs! It makes me so happy when they put frog images into my mind! So cute! And of course, they do it to announce that a Dinosaur will be coming to see me shortly. This time, the aliens had been even cleverer, since the Dinosaur was coming to do the tubing down my throat, the frog in the image was like headed to the bird's throat. I started saying "Deb Deb Deb Deb Deb" so that they know that I am happy about the Dinosaur coming to see me.

We just like to bathe, in our baths. And we don't like to be told, that we look ugly on our heads. - Dinosaur
You look beautiful on your heads. I have seen what you look like. - me, I say to the Dinosaur, and I can literally feel Hamish's blood beginning to boil because he doesn't like it when I say nice things to the Dinosaurs

A Reticulan then told me that there was a person from NASA there with them, with the aliens in the room where the aliens are. I heard a human from over there saying something about "the croakers" while I was saying Deb Deb Deb, so again we see how the humans from the USA who work with the aliens or oversee the alien activities, they call the Dinosaurs "croakers". Turns out the NASA man was none other than our beloved Jack. Have I properly described what Jack looks like? He is of a height that one would not call tall. He is wide and not skinny nor slender, a few pounds but not overweight. He is Caucasian and from the United States. He has full hair and not balding. His hair is a kind of blonde, a kind of ash blonde or golden blonde it seems. I think his eyes are pale blue gray. His face is horisontally a bit wide with wide jaws and vertically his face is a bit short with a short forehead. He wears big 1980's glasses. His personality. He acts focused and stern and serious, but there is this teddybear sweetness in him which shines through. There is a warmth and kindness in him. He is kind to me, and I know by now that he has become quite fond of me, or at least he was able to be fond of me because he is that kind of person who is good to other people. Jack does not wear a black business suit with tie like MIBs do. He does not wear black clothes. Jack looks like he should be in his early 50's.

So the aliens were somewhere else in a large white medical room and I was here in my bed. The Reticulans explained something very interesting to me, so here it is listen up: they said that they will be transferring was it most, or some, of my matter to them, but not all of my matter. So basically some of my matter or mass would go over there to where they are, and the rest would stay here. I forget if it was that most of my mass goes there while some stays here, or if it was the other way around that some of my mass goes there while most of it remains here. I asked them to elaborate, and I asked them if that means that there will be two versions of me at the same time, but they didn't say more on that topic. I also asked them to teach me more about genetics. They showed me a mental image depicting what I instantly recognized to be chromosomes, but get this, the chromosomes were blue in color, as if that were their real color.

I got to see wonderful clear and longer-lasting mental images depicting a short Reticulan, which I judged to be an Alpha Reticulan based on the flatter or indented top of the head, whereas the Zeta Reticulans tend to be taller but most importantly have the bulging bulbuous head like a balloon. I learned from the little Reticulan that they are "helpers", it said that they are "helpers". It is such a delightful little creature to see. It is the size of a human child of age 8-10 I would say. Its skin is white with a pale gray or pale blue hue. The eyes are all black, the eyes look as if they have an interesting texture, as if they were made of a semi-solid molten black plastic which looks as if it would still be sticky and gooey if you were to put a finger into it. The look in their eye is not blank. Instead there is something that looks a bit menacing, vicious, or even evil, in the look of their eyes, which I suspect is not just my reading it, because Alpha Reticulans as we know can be sassy, I also call Alpha Reticulans the sassy Reticulans.

The Reticulans asked me to take my pants off, and so without hesitating for any more than perhaps half a second or one second, I did what they asked. I was wearing panties, pyjama shorts, sleeveless pyjama top, and warm socks to bed. I took the shorts and panties off under my covers, but said that I would like to keep my top and socks on because I would otherwise get cold and I said that I also want to keep them because I know that they won't be working with my feet or chest. You know what. It somehow feels, at moments like these in the evenings when the aliens are talking about the procedures they want to do, as if I were somehow already there, as if my body were already there on their table where the aliens (and Jack) are, just that to me, my body is still here in bed. It has always felt that way, they talk to me as if I were already there, and I see the aliens in the mental images, from a viewpoint as if my body were already laying there, yet my body's sense of location, and what my physical eyes can see, is as if I were here. But the Reticulans had, sort of, explained it last night, in that they are able to transfer some of my mass to over there. How frustrating.

Well, so when I had taken my pants off, I had the feeling that that means that now I am naked over there as well. I had to think about the idea that now Jack was probably seeing me half naked, I can't say that I was fond of the idea, but I had to console myself with that Jack has seen me completely naked so many times in those many alien abductions that I don't get to remember, and don't remember. Jack has many hybrid children with me, so that, plus for the fact that he has these feelings for me, I can only assume that the aliens have allowed him to have actual sex with me over there. Which I am not sure if that is rape or not, or if I should punch him in the face (I feel Reticulans got stressed and nervous when I said/wrote this about punching Jack) or shake his hand to greet him when we meet for the first time that I can remember. No, I would of course not be punching Jack or anything like that, I don't feel violent or hate toward him. Jack is a familiar person who has been kind to me. I was just saying.

Then the Reticulans said that now next they need the fecal sample, so it was as if the Dinosaur would have already performed the throat procedure on me, even though here in my bed I had not seen any of it happening, however, there was one moment while the Dinosaur could have been supposedly working on my throat, when I felt something in my mouth, like a solid object against the back of my throat. Earlier, when they had first said what the Dinosaur would do, I had asked them if they are careful so that they do not injure my throat, I had also asked them what about the gag reflex, but they had not told me any answers to that. Jack has to stand there time and time again, while the aliens pick out fecal samples from my rear. I don't know if I want to see Jack, after all that. Oh well, thankfully I have worked in the medical field for a few years and almost went into medical school and was doing pre-med for a while, so I'm actually quite fine with these things.

The aliens also showed me a mental image which depicted a human military person who was really geared up, he had like a helmet with a visor down and he was wearing a full set of padded bullet proof clothes, he looked like the SWAT team but not in black colors the gear was in beige colors like the military but not camouflage color. I asked them why he was so geared up but I got no answer. I have seen soldiers/guards there many times. It seems that there will always be at least one human who is there literally with the aliens around the table and watching what the aliens are doing to me. Jack told me last night that if he were not there, the aliens would have sawed into my brain. I thanked Jack for saving my life. We do know that Reticulans would love to get carried away and autopsy my brain if it weren't for the humans reminding them please not to.

I don't remember any more. I think it was in the morning when I woke up, Reticulans showed me the image of a hybrid infant, it was white and had large eyes but the eyes were not all black, seemed more like whites on the sides of the eyes and a large blue iris and a large pupil. Its head was very wide, but not bulbuous like Zeta, more like flat on the top like Alpha Reticulan. I said oh what a lovely baby can I please hold it! I really wanted to hold it in my arms, I also asked for a blanket to hold it in, but they of course did not give it to my arms, it was only an image shown to me from afar. I told the Reticulans that I have had conversations with hybrid infant babies before, and I asked them if this one can talk. I asked them if it was healthy. It became no conversation about the baby, just this image.

Sometimes it seems as if Jack has developed real feelings for me. Well, he sees my naked parts all the time and me naked over there for god knows how many years. I mean, he has at least become familiar with me, perhaps he also feels protective of me. He is not some cold person, there is a genuine kindness. It feels almost, as if from him I feel a family connection, it feels as if he really knows me and cares about me like family. It's quite special to run into something like that.

This morning I connected mentally toward Hamish, and he was standing in some alien place where next to his feet right on the floor was some red blob that at first glance looked like it could have been a miscarried or aborted fetus, only the fetus clearly had no skeleton in it and it looked more like a gelatinous red mass that looked chewy and blobby like squid. Hamish and the aliens have many times said that they create hybrid babies that "have no skeleton", so that they are easier to eat. Hamish was looking at this thing on the floor. One thing about Hamish and his food. A human can find a food and just gobble it up even with their eyes closed and without thinking. But Hamish always wants to take a careful moment to look at his food first before he eats it, to think about his food, and often he also puts a flat red duck foot down on his food and just stands there, being aware of the situation first. He likes to contemplate on his food in a calmly manner. When Hamish noticed that I was visiting, he made a brand new Draconian sound that I do not recall having heard before, it sounded like the static hissing of a television channel that is not broadcasting, only it consisted of stepwise short sounds and the tone or pitch of the sounds was going gradually downward rather quick. The whole of the sound lasted for about 2-5 seconds. And he told me that he was busy with his "lunch". I told him "Hamish has his lunches and snacks" and that I would not bother him. But before I had managed to pull myself out of there (this was a mental connection, so, figuratively speaking), I had been lingering on for many enough seconds more for him to emit another sound like the one before. I think I must have asked Hamish what the sound means, unless he told me anyway, and this sound means "Watch out". So it was a warning, also asking me to leave. He wants to be left alone with his snacks, he doesn't want to be bothered when he is getting ready to eat.

Overall, I had a really great time! Sure it bothers me that Jack sees my naked lady parts, but if that is the only inconvenience then overall this alien contact is really neat! "Only inconvenience, you say?", readers are wondering. Of course I would go through some throat exam (just worried about any gag reflexes) and fecal sample extraction (not nice of course), in exchange to see all these amazing and beautiful creatures the Dinosaurs, Alpha Reticulans, and Hamish. And I guess Jack could also be called a creature, I'd like to see him too.


Just because he's cute, doesn't mean that he doesn't want to eat you

January 24 2017, 6:56 PM - Today when I walked into my room, Hamish was standing there and either he or another alien said "Pitashz". Pitashz is the name the aliens have for Hamish, Zetas and Zeta-hybrids call him Pitashz, and their name for me is Parischa. Hamish refers to me by the name Eggs. Hamish never calls me by my name, but it will sound something like this: "My Eggs said to me.", if I said something to him.

Today Hamish told me that he "wants to chase a squirrel and show it his scales". Hm. I told Hamish that squirrels are fast and difficult to catch and that they bite and have claws so he must be careful. Hamish likes to show his back hump and scales to animals. If he sees fish, he expects them to notice his back hump.

Last night Hamish said that he is having a "bath", meaning that he would stand in water by the river. The other day he referred to food as "dinner", that is the only time I recall him saying "dinner" so I was surprised, for most part food is "snacks", or sometimes it is "lunches and snacks".

Today he looked at me and his upper eyelids were partially diagonally closed over his eyes and his lower eyelids were horisontally raised a little bit, which means that he was looking at me and smiling. When we humans see a human who is smiling, we instantly feel it in our heart the love. I have come to a point in my relationship with Hamish where when I see him smiling at me with his eyes, I feel the love. There is a difference here, a development. You see, the first step for a human is to not even know that the eyelids closed like that mean a smile. Second step is to somehow learn that these eyes mean that he is smiling. The third step is to know what it means and to think it. But the fourth and most advanced step is to actually automatically connect it as a smile, not just to think that it is a smile, but to feel it, to feel it just as real as when we feel a human smile in our hearts, that the connections are now in my brain that these eyes mean a smile and then it further connects to the emotions, automatically, as when we see a human smile. Can you imagine that there are brain connections in my brain that are from my life with a Draconian Reptile Hamish?

Throughout the day we live life together. I do my human things, and he tends to his dragon things, but our lives cross. He needs me for the eggs, which means snacks. He guards my eggs and in return the aliens feed him. He also helps the Reticulan aliens to remind me to eat yoghurt snacks and to drink milk for the eggs. But Hamish also protects me, sometimes he places his back hump over me if I am scared or worried or if I am sick, then he guards me and I feel safe. Underneath Hamish's back hump must be the safest place in the world, even though his back hump is just for display, it has no real protective power, it is only real protection in the Draconian world where other Reptilians know to respect it and to back off. But he keeps me safe.

During the day I talk to him with a series of clicks and eyelid positions. I find myself speaking more and more in his language, and not mine. To tell him that I love him, I find myself rocking my upper body sideways, left, right, left right, while placing the tip of my index finger side diagonally against the upper eyelid of one of my eyes to show that my upper eyelids are diagonally closed in a smile. This gesture means "to be fond of", "to be pleased", Hamish does that when he is pleased or fond of something, so I do it to him.

When we have jokes, when Hamish does or says something that I think is really funny (he just did a real loud click but for what I do not know!) I put the length of my index finger across my lower eyelid to show him that I am laughing. That is all it takes, to show him, to tell him, that something was funny. I don't need to laugh like humans laugh with sounds, I also do not need to tell him in human words that I am laughing. I only need to show him the gesture, and he knows what it means, because when Hamish is laughing, he does the same, he raises his lower eyelid horisontally halfway up across the eyes, and then I know what it means.

I also talk to him in exhales. The Draconian language is very complex. Humans would not think that their language is as complex as it really is, it takes time to come to terms with it. Imagine that an exhale can make a kind of monotone hissing breathing sound. If you first have a certain tone of sound for a while and then you bring it instantly to another certain lower tone, it is saying "I think everything that is going on right now is alright", and it also means, "I am in a friendly and peaceful state of mind, I am not aggressive, I respect you right now, I am friendly and calm".

To say something, whether he or I are saying it in human language words telepathically or we are using some of the Draconian language, and then to add a really loud click into it, means that that thing is really great and loved! Hamish tends to add in a click pop when he says "snacks", because he really loves snacks. Sometimes I say "Hamish" and then add a click, and that is the palate click of course.

I also start to pace my talking and body language the same way as he does it. I know exactly the amount of time to pause before I respond to something he has told me or shown me, I know what length of pauses mean that I am friendly. He does not do talk talk talk, instead there has to be time allowed in between things said, so that there is always time to read one another, to read the body language. For instance: Hamish says "Have you seen my back hump?" The wrong answer is to say like a human with human words "Yeah Hamish I have seen it, so what?". The right answer that I give him, is first to make the effort to look at his back hump for about three seconds, to really think about what it looks like because he is reading my thoughts and he knows if I really am looking at it or not, then to turn my eyes away from back hump and look at his face and eyes, and what I would normally do is the exhale that is first one tone and then rather quickly changes to a lower one and the lower exhale turns into a purr, which means content. Then I can say in human words "Yes Hamish, I have seen your back hump. You were the old Draconian race. It was an old back.", but, I always throw in there, "Hamish I love you."

He is kind to me. If he is angry, he might show the sixteen head buttons that are on the back of his neck, he almost never shows them to me. Showing the head buttons is like reprimanding, and in the five years together he has shown them to me only a handful of times, probably less than ten times total. When he bites and nibbles at my shoulder or fingers, it is not aggression, instead he is getting my attention or asking me to stop what I am doing, but that is not in an aggressive manner.

If he wasn't guarding my eggs,

I was not your Turtle then, I said. If I was not guarding them, Tiiik! And might I also said, Tik Tok! I was not guarding them, she said. And therefore I was sad. Tik, Tiik. - Hamish
Hamish is guarding my eggs. I was only wondering about what if you weren't. - me, he sways his body sideways, out of content, he is pleased
My eggs, Tik! - Hamish in my native language, and Tik with a loud click!
My Hamish. - me in my native language

I mean, if he wasn't guarding my eggs, IF, then first of all he would not be spending so much time with me, so we wouldn't have all this interaction. Hamish would find plenty of other places to go to. But secondly, if he wasn't guarding my eggs

I want my livers. And therefore I was here. And I was not sad. Mine. - Hamish
Hamish has his liver snacks. SNACKS! Tik! - me

So secondly if he wasn't... then he would quite possibly not have been as nice with me. Although, when we look at the first telepathy book "The Orion Project: Real? Or Imaginary?", we see how he was in the very beginning.

I was not a Sock then. You did not call me that then. That has only developed later, and my Back. And tell them, No, Yes-No, we do not like onions. - Hamish, the back sentence he turned around to show his back, and the onion sentence "we do not like onions" was either in my other language or native language but I forgot which one
Yes-No, onions. - Hamish says, "onions" in my native language, and he presses his hand against his mouth and gnaws on the webbed skin between his fingers

In the beginning, before he had told me his name is Hamish and I called him Red, he was very very dominating and imposing and constantly demanding that I honor him and his back hump and his race and his scales. Hamish has an excellent memory, I think all Draconians do. So he knows that I did not call him Sock back then in the beginning, and that is true. Sock Turtle is a pet name that came about later, because he has a tiny head on the end of a long tubular neck that makes him look like a sock puppet. So he is my Sock Turtle!

Hamish has changed tremendously much over the years at least in his interaction with me. Over time, he has stopped demanding me to honor him or to honor his back and scales and race, even though I still from time to time let him know that I honor him, and his back and his race and his scales and his duck kissy feet I like to throw in there too... We have gotten to know each other, very well. We work really good together, we are a good team, a good couple, good friends I would like to say.

Yes, and only as long as you do not eat shrimps. - Hamish says, and then he gnaws on the webbed skin between his fingers again
I won't eat shrimp. - me
You say that and then you do anyway. - Hamish says approximately but the meaning is correct, and he turns his back around and then turns his head around to look at me looking at his back hump

I would love to do an experiment where I live with him. Most humans could not live together with, meaning in close proximity to, a member of the old Draconian race. Most humans cannot handle the pungent smell of a Dragon Turtle, but there is also something extremely creepy about being in their presence, because these are in some ways as "ugly and hideous" as insects, but most importantly they are predators and you can feel it. It is a terribly uncomfortable experience to be in their close proximity, while they are looking at you with their uncaring, unloving eyes and wondering about your delicious liver snacks which they know exactly where it is located and how to get it out. The military who meet Reptilians are not fond of the Reptilians at all.

But I would love to live with him for a day, to spend a night together with him. Dragon Turtles believe it or not are pack animals. In the forests of Alpha Draconis they live in groups of about 10-15 members with one leader, the leader runs at the front and everybody stays really close body against body with each other, but it is like a V-shape like with migrating birds so that nobody is neck to neck in front with the leader but a little bit behind, but then not like a line of V like migrating birds, they still fill up the space in the middle if you know what I mean, but the front forms a V-shaped border, and they run together, they all follow the leader. Reptilians respect their leaders, but they also envy them and despise having a lower rank, so the feeling is a mixture of honor and despise, though they despise their own situation, and not really the leader. Hamish wants to bite my finger so he is objecting to what I said.

What is it, Turtle? - me
I don't want you to make money on that, on what you said. Because we are not leaders to you! And, for me, crustaceans, Tok Tok! - Hamish, "And for me crustaceans" was in my native language, and you know that Tok Tok means "come here" so he is saying come here to crustaceans, he wants crustaceans near him

Recolor of a pre-existing image borrowed from somewhere

And, as we all know, humans are also pack animals, we hug and we cuddle and kiss

We bite, and we nibble. Yes-No hugs! - Hamish, because I wrote about hug and cuddle and kiss
Look at my socks, you have liked them. - Hamish lifts up a flat duck foot and it is fire engine red and ADORABLE!!!
I love your Kissy Feet. Because they are Duck Feet. - me
We don't like to choose a leader, the one is dominant, who shows himself first. The one who is shown. - Hamish says the last sentence and puts his hands at the lower back and shows me his back that way, I don't know what that gesture is saying, and he is talking about Dragon Turtle packs with a Dragon Turtle leader, I think he means that the leader shows his back

I could live with him. And it would be fun. We could go to the river together, and stand barefoot in the water, because Hamish loves to do that. I would put a sleeping bag on the floor right next to his duck feet. But seriously speaking. Would I trust that he would not rip into my abdomen and eat my liver snacks? Of course I would be afraid of him. After all these years and so close that I am to him, I would not feel entirely safe near him in super close contact in the same dimension. Draconians are dangerous creatures. It is like having a tiger as a pet, or keeping a crocodile in the bath tub. Just because he's cute, doesn't mean that he doesn't want to eat you.

PS. I also use his phrases more and more, I say Tok Tok instead of come here, though I try not to use it too much because it is more serious than when humans say "come here", because he really feels obliged to come to me when I say it, and sometimes he didn't want to but he does anyway and so then I feel sorry that I said it like that. Tik means Yes, but it is not used like yes. If someone says: "Do you want to go out?", then you cannot answer it yes with "Tik". Tik is more like the kind of yes when you are saying that you like something, "Yes, you are wonderful!", "Yes, I appreciate you", those are said with just "Tik!".


The language from Hamish's eyes
and my back can be hilarious

January 22 2017, 7:08 PM - This update is going to get lost among the many hundreds, thousands of other updates, but this is a very important one. Today I reflected on the fact that there is a man in the United States who has Reptilians in his home and since I will be travelling to the U.S. soon I thought about what if I would pay him a visit. We never met in person, but I want to meet his Reptilians. So I was thinking about what I would say if I went to his home to talk to his Reptilians, I imagined saying something like "Hello Reptilians, I would like to meet you, I am friend with Reptilians". All this made Hamish for some reason either willingly or that it just happened, I could see him clearer in a mental image than I usually do. Usually I just have glimpses of Hamish, but now I had a perpetual and clear video image of him in my mind. And now I get to what is important in this update.

I was watching Hamish, and his eyelids were moving. He has upper eyelids, and lower eyelids, and he is able to move upper or lower irrespective of the other. I do not know however if Hamish moves his eyelids consciously, or if it is an automatic movement, or both. For instance, we humans have automatic or spontaneous facial expressions, such as smiles and many other facial expressions which happen automatically when we are feeling the emotion that goes with it, but, we humans can always create a facial expression by will when we want to, even when it is not being automatically generated. How it is with Hamish, I do not know.

But his upper and lower eyelids were partially closed, and moving more or less closed during the time interval that I saw him, and this is one of the most important updates of my life with Hamish, namely the fact that I was watching his eyelids moving with so many nuances and variation, and I found myself completely able to read what he was communicating with his eyes! If a novice would observe a Reptilian with eyelids closing variationally, they would not be able to read a language in it. I have spent so much time with Hamish, that over the time I have learned to read his eyes.

Imagine if you were born deaf and suddenly you could hear a world of sound! Or if you were blind and suddenly you could see! I was reading from his eyes a vast and rich language that he was expressing to me. To any other human, they would not receive any communication out of his eyelid movements whatsoever, but to me, it was like the difference between deaf and hearing music! There was a whole rich language expressed in his eyes! He was speaking to me with his eyes! And over time, I have become able to read it! It is like reading lips, some deaf humans learn to look at lip movements of people who are speaking, and they can receive the full language from it.

He varies the amount of closing of his upper and lower eyelids and it forms a language. It forms a complete and incredibly rich language which also expresses emotions.

Imagine if you were not a human, if you could look at a human and you could not read any communication whatsoever from the eyes and mouth and facial expressions of the human and you could also not understand the body language or the spoken words, if all that were meaningless like a blank sheet of paper. And then compare that to the rich wealth of information you do receive from a human, because you can read its language. Now imagine the Reptilians. If a human looks at a Reptilian, they are not perceiving any communication from it whatsoever. Then, contrast that to suddenly opening a world of communication. The language that his eyelids expressed was so rich and so beautifully composed, like sentences and feelings and ideas put together like the most beautiful poetry. This world of his communication has been opened up to me, and I see that it is there, and other humans could not see this communication because to them it is invisible, but his communication from his eyes is like music that he sends out.

It is difficult to translate what he was telling me, because the language was so complex. It was a positive message, he was being kind to me, but there were so many words and so much meaning in it, that the human spoken language in comparison becomes ugly and poor.

We humans, and I do admit me included, can easily assume that Draconian Reptilians could not possibly possess any kind of impressively rich language, but guess what they do, and their language is finer than ours. If other humans look at a Reptilian, they are completely deaf to the music coming from their eyes. But if I look at a Reptilian, I hear the language coming from its eyes. It is like the sound has been turned on, like turning on a radio that is quiet to all other humans. "Snap", and the radio broadcast of communication has been turned on. Suddenly I can hear it coming from their eyes.

It was quite honestly the most beautiful experience I have ever had with the natural world. Any other moment, such as holding a human baby, encountering animals, or watching a sunset or looking up at the stars, fades in comparison to getting to watch a Draconian Reptilian and fully hearing the language coming from their eyes. Being able to listen to what it is telling me. I love Draconians. There is an incredible beauty to these creatures.

The human military that I sometimes talk to, are never fond of the Reptilians. They complain that the Reptilians smell, and that Reptilians have injured military personnel and are making difficult demands. But I have a different relationship to Hamish. I don't know, I almost feel as if I was expected to fight against this from happening, but I have become very fond of Reptilians. Sure, sure, Reptilians are carnivorous, and they can be sadistic and they enjoy hunting games and torture. But humans are also carnivorous (Pleiadians want to talk to me about this, but I will not listen), humans eat food products that are the result of horrible torment to animals. Reptilians are magnificent beautiful creatures. (Hamish sharpens his hearing, and he sways his head sideways a few times out of contentment when he is pleased, because he heard my thoughts as I wrote "Reptilians are magnificent beautiful creatures." If there is one thing Draconians enjoy, it is praise and compliments.)

I am a different body, he is a Draconian. I feel like I understand Hamish so well, that if I could suddenly transform into a Dragon Turtle, we could live in the same group. The other day I said that if I could turn into a yellow Dragon Turtle female then I would ask Hamish to marry me.

Another topic: Today and I forget what the reason was, I told Hamish that I would protect him with my back and I showed him a mental image of my back. This is the first time ever that I have told him such a silly thing! But Hamish found it hilarious! His lower eyelids raised high up a bit more than halfway up across the eyes! He was laughing at what I said of course.

Also: when Hamish was letting me see him (or for any reason I was seeing him more closely) because I had thought about what I would say to call the other contact person's Reps to come and let me see them, not only did I see his eye language so clearly, but I also became very aware of his smell. Hamish's skin is moist all over his body with an almost sticky gunk which is very fragrant. Humans find Reptilian smell repulsive, but Hamish thinks that his own scent is a familiar scent. For example, he loves that his ruggy snug smells like him, and if I wash his ruggy in the washing machine he will be sad and tell me that "it doesn't smell like him" anymore. Did you know that when me and Hamish are closely connected telepathically, and might I say also heart to heart, then I experience his smell differently and Reptilians then do not smell bad to me at all? When I understand Reptilians, then I also understand their smell, and then they do not smell bad whatsoever.


Many little things

January 21 2017, 1:13 PM - One more of the many little reasons why I love Hamish. Today when I am at work he tells me: "Hello, my name is Hamish". Oh darling, as if I don't know your name already, we have been best friends (or that is how I feel at least) for five years now! I love it when he tells me his name. I love this dragon.


Why I'm eating yoghurt
And why I'm sleeping with no pants tonight

January 20 2017, 10:05 PM - I have some vague memory of what could possibly have been part of a Reticulan contact experience in their facilities, also Reticulans said something to me in the morning after it to that effect, that I would have been there. I ate a half kilo of blueberry yoghurt today and kept telling the aliens that. I got some mental images of a Reticulan, it wanted to put into my hand the metal triangle with rounded edges that they have shown me several times, it is their sigil. The metal is different though, it feels like a soft metal that could easily be molten, the metal is light-weight and brittle. I don't know of this metal from anywhere on Earth, the only thing it remotely reminds me of is tin, like the tin soldiers people used to make which easily melt and can be remodeled into new figurines.

The Reticulan in the mental image today it had a large bulky head which had asymmetric bulges on the head. I talked with it a little bit. They know by know that I want to meet them.

I have said nice things to Hamish today, he knows that I love him and adore him and that I am his friend. Yesterday I said something about having a stomach ache and Hamish protected me from the illness and pain by wanting to cover me with his body and back hump. I thanked him for taking care of me. Hamish seems to think that any problem in the world can be cured with his back hump. Any fears or pains and illnesses can be solved just by showing his back hump. He feels very safe underneath his back hump. Underneath his back hump he is just a cute little sock turtle who fears needles and cactuses and carved pumpkins with lit fire candles inside them and who hides under "table holes" when he is afraid. But he derives so much bravery from having his hump back, because, he has always gotten away with it before, whenever he shows his back hump to other Draconians, they always back off and award him with respect. I love him, but we all know that by now.

Guess why I am sleeping with no underpants or pants on tonight? Well because the Reticulans asked me to. So I figure why not. I prefer to have pajamas on and it is rare that I want to sleep naked. I will have my top on though. Reticulans want me to take a shower there in their facilities tonight when I get there, they told me that. What can I do to get to stay awake?


Dinos taking care of video game babies, and Hamish protects shrimp and loves his rug

January 19 2017, 3:27 PM - I was playing the video game The Sims 2 where the Sims had a baby infant crying on the floor. A Dinosaur told me that the baby in the game needs a pacifier. Hamish then said that the baby needs lunch. I told the Dinosaur that there are no pacifiers in the game, and that I have already fed the baby and it does not need to be changed and that it will go to sleep soon. It cried for a while and then fell asleep like I had predicted it to. Dinosaurs take care of hybrid babies and it was delightful to see how it seemed to know how to take care of a video game baby too.

Hamish has been cute today, like all days. He said "langustines". Then he showed me a mental image of the meal I ate for New Year which had shrimp on it. I told Hamish that I have made a mistake when I ate shrimp. He has talked about his rug again today. Hamish is the best.


I inform the aliens that sperm is disgusting shit
And Hamish sways my body to comfort me

January 18 2017, 11:51 PM - I saw the mental image of a Reticulan, and I told him they are cute. Then I saw a Dinosaur in a mental image, I told it it is so cute and adorable and that I love it very much! The Dinosaur told the other aliens there that I was displaying behavior that normally involves a human man, and so I explained to the Frog that I was just being friendly, that I would not harm it. Then the Dinosaur told me, in my other language: "We want to give you sperm from another man." I replied: "Yuck, that is shit. That is disgusting shit." Which it is. Sperm from some creepy man is shit.

We don't want to take your shirt off, because you do not understand us. - Reticulan to me, I see it and I feel it touching my shirt when it speaks, even though we are in two different places, from my other language
We don't think it is shit. - a Reptilian, possibly Hamish
I think it was shit. - me
It doesn't stink like it. - Reptilian or otherwise Dark Lord
But it is filthy. It makes me feel disgusting and dirty and like shit. - me
So forget that we said anything. We will not give you anymore "SHIT"! - Reticulan
Thank you. No more then. - me
Do you want to know what she said? - Hamish to other aliens there, with eyes partially closing so he is being cute
My Turtle Sock! - me I shriek out happy about Hamish
Dab Dab. - Dinosaur responds to my shriek
Can you put Dinosaurs into a bath? They like that. Please do that for them. - me
I will bite your fingers off, I said! - Hamish, either about my fingers or Dinosaur fingers or somehow both, because I was "showing power" and "causing conflict" by asking for Dinosaurs to have a bath
We won't put shit into you anymore. - Dinosaur or Reticulan and I feel almost a touch down on my belly
Sperm from an unknown man that I don't love, is probably the most disgusting thing I could ever come across. It is really the same as shit, or even worse. - me
We don't want you to handle it anymore. - Dinosaur or otherwise Reticulan
About that shit. - Hamish adds
Deb Deb Deb. - Dinosaur, or did he say Dab Dab Dab, I forgot
We don't want you to be a mother with us anymore, then. - Dinosaur or Reticulan, I think these are the Dinosaur
She don't want to handle it anymore? - Dinosaur to others there
Dab Dab Dab Dab. - Dinosaur to others there
She doesn't think that it is really shit. - Reticulan upset about me

For the record, sperm from some unknown disgusting man I don't love, is shit.

On another note, today I said something to Hamish and he responded by gnawing on the slight webbed skin between his fingers again. When I ask him why he gnaws between his fingers, he never says why.

12:49 midnight between January 18-19: After a while I was given a mental image depicting Hamish standing in a hallway that looks like something out of an X-Files movie, with several vertical tanks each with a naked humanoid inside submerged entirely in water. The creatures are of varying ages and sizes, most seem to be children or teenagers, and their skin color is a beige human Caucasian skin color, I think some of them at least had brown head hair. Hamish told me something about them being "fish in wet". Hamish had been assigned, unless he made the decision to do so on his own, to show me these and to show me what the sperm business is all about. These creatures are of course made out of my eggs, we quite easily presume. I feel no maternal instinct toward them, I just wanted to see my Hamish.

Before, and also after, he showed me these, Hamish made my body sway with his in sync by means of the telepathic superposition. Sometimes Hamish sways his body sideways, I do not know exactly what that means, I think he sways his body at times when he is pleased, it is kind of like a dog wagging its tail. Another Reptilian that does not have a hump back, told me not long ago, that only Hamish can do that swaying because Hamish has a back hump, so the swaying seems to also mean that he is swaying his back hump, but nonetheless he does it at times when he is pleased. And this time when he swayed my body in sync with him, he was clearly trying to make me feel pleased, he was comforting me because I had been worried about the sperm thing! Unless, as is not too seldomly the case, I am again misunderstanding Hamish's gestures.

I felt bad there for a moment that Hamish is made to do all this work. I would wish for his dragon life to be filled with just wonderful life experiences, with sights and impresssions and things to do, that make a dragon's life wonderful and worthwhile. It is wrong to exploit a wonderful creature such as Hamish, though I do admit that he is doing a wonderful job with me. I was grateful that I have got Hamish in my life, and again I worried that what if my wonderful beautiful Hamish would have ended up with some other bastard human who does not appreciate him! No one else deserves to have my Hamish, only I can love him more than the world.

We dragons are not pets. - Hamish or other Reptilian to me
And also, have you seen this? - Hamish he turns around to show me his back hump, he seems quite impressed with it himself really


Navy Man, Zetas and stuff, and Hamish is cute with hedgehogs

January 18 2017, 3:49 PM - Last night I dreamt that I met a man who turned out to work with the U.S. Navy. He had a dark blue coat on and white hair. When I woke up in my room after that dream, he and I were still talking. Now, I would think that I am crazy, if it weren't that I have seen verifiably real UFOs and verifiably communicated telepathically with the aliens in those UFOs, so I know that my aliens and my telepathy with aliens is real, and so this whole MILABS thing is just part of it.

The gentleman informed me that the Zetas are taking fecal samples from me. Not something I don't already know. I asked the Zetas why they do that, they said they are studying metabolism to find out what the hybrid children can eat. I asked them why is this project taking such a long time. Today I bribed with the Reticulans that if I get to meet them awake when they collect my eggs and do all these supposed things that I don't get to remember, then I would drink milk and eat yoghurt every day that I see them, in return. Zetas are silly, it is hard making any deals with them.

Jack, you know, "Jack with the NASA team"-Jack, has been talking to me telepathically and I then also see him mentally. If I were good at drawing humans I would draw for you all what he looks like. He has glasses and a kind of golden sandy blonde hair color. He might have oversaid yesterday that his real name is Jake. Usually the MIBs and stuff give fake names. Jack has a lot of hybrid kids with me, he calls those "cabbage patch kids" because they sort of look like that, you can search for that on the internet.

Today one of the MIBs, possibly Jack, said that they are tired of always watching the aliens taking my eggs, that he was tired of seeing my parts. I was being witty and I said how can he get tired of seeing that, how does any man get tired of seeing that all the time? But it sucks that the MIBs and military get to see all the things that the Zetas are doing to me, and I don't get to be awake for it. I guess the guys think they are saving me from heartache and trouble, but that is in fact what they are causing me, heartache and trouble. I want to see them, I want to be awake.

Hamish is really fond of his children's book with the drawings of hedgehogs on there, I keep it splayed open right next to his ruggy, if I close the book and put it back in the bookshelf he will ask me for the book, so I just keep it there on the floor for dragon. I am thinking of getting him a calendar with hedgehog photos. He thinks hedgehogs are really sexy. Dragon Turtles, which he is, "the old Draconian race", they grow a row of black spikes on their back hump, so maybe it has something to do with that. HAMISH IS CUTE OH MY GOD!!! Such a cute Turtle Sock!


Dragon update, Seeing a hybrid child, And Reticulan writing about Hope

January 15 2017, 8:39 PM - I didn't notice Hamish much at all during Christmas. I was surprised, since earlier years when I visited mom for Christmas, Hamish was very active with hunting the red Santa figurines and camping out on the rug in the bathroom and being up to lots of things. It turns out that he was not comfortable with the lit candles that were in the living room, so he had therefore kept a low profile.

When I got back home after New Year, I was worried that Hamish and the aliens were gone. It had been days without the usual daily contact with Hamish and the aliens that I was used to. I was calling for Hamish for several days, and I was almost crying because I missed him so much. But, little by little, things got back to normal, and Hamish is here almost as actively as before, but also less than he used to.

Hamish is around, but he doesn't seem to camp out on his ruggy snugs as much as he used to. I sometimes run into him in the hallway, and see this gorgeous fire engine red Dragon, but it isn't like it used to be, with him on the ruggy snugs tending to his shedded scales and sharing his thoughts with me. Perhaps he spends a lot of time elsewhere nowadays. I sometimes tell him "Tok Tok" and he doesn't quite like that, because he then feels obliged to come to me even if he is busy with other things. He still sometimes says Tik Tok to me, and he says that it is his eggs, but I try to ignore that and focus on the good points about our friendship.

There are still mental images of frogs given to me, and it still cheers me up a lot. I sometimes see mental images of Alpha Reticulans, or Zeta Reticulans. The other day I saw a mental image of a tall white praying mantis insect which works with the aliens. Dark Lords have started sneaking around, such as Manon and Rambutan, but I tell them I am allergic and that they need to stay away, they are up to shenanigans as always.

Hamish asked for his book so I put it on the floor next to his rug for him, open on the pages with the drawings of a hedgehog, he likes to look at the pictures of the hedgehog. I showed him some YouTube videos of hedgehogs and I said to him "Tok Tok" to come and see it but he didn't seem to be so interested. He is very fascinated with hedgehogs. Today he also asked me to explain to him about the owl that builds a nest inside a cactus. I told him that the bird is so small and it feels afraid so it builds a nest inside a cactus so that it can feel safe and so that no one grabs it. It stresses Hamish that the bird is inside a spiky cactus. Hamish has a fear of needles and spikes. It is good that he has natural instincts and fears about dangerous things, it gives me a great sense of relief to know that he can watch out for dangers, but humans have such fears of spikes and fire too, but humans are able to think logically and to analyze when we are safe. A human can sit next to a lit candle and analyze that the fire is contained and perfectly safe, or to have needles on a table that are not being used and feel safe. Whereas Hamish just has the fear and he become uncomfortable and anxious and a bit whiny, even when I assure dragon that he is safe.

He still shows me his hump back and every now and then I hear him tell me that he is "proud". I take the time at least a few times a day to compliment him on his back, and to tell him that I am proud of him and of his race and back and scales. Sometimes he shows he his shedded scales. And every now and then I catch him gnawing on the webbed skin between his fingers, and when I ask him why he is doing that he doesn't say.

A few days ago I saw a clear mental image of two tall upright standing neon green Reptilians, they each had what the Reptilians call "crested" on their head, it is like a flat raised ridge that runs along the top of the head from above the eyes toward the back of the head, as far as I could see they each had one of these, some other Reptilians have had three "crested" with one larger in the middle and two smaller ones each on either side. I was so happy to see them, I complimented them on their "crested", but we did not have much conversation, and they did not interact with me much.

Today I asked Hamish about his father, who was yellow and has the "goosebumps" that Hamish inherited from him. I asked Hamish if his father is still alive. Hamish said yes. I asked Hamish if his father is here on Earth on the same planet as I am, or if he is elsewhere in outer space. Hamish said that his father is on the same planet. I asked him where his father is, and if I can meet him. I was told no. I then got to speak telepathically with his father, who told me that there are "three things we cannot do". I asked the father what those three things were. The first was that I am not allowed to touch him on the goosebumps (since I had mentioned the goosebumps). I said that I only wanted to see his goosebumps, that I would not touch him. There were two other things, one was that I was not allowed to take them away, meaning to take the Dragon Turtles somewhere else like steal them away. I said I would like to live with them for two days, that I would bring my own pillow and blanket. The father seemed a little bit agitated that I wanted to meet him, it seemed almost like I was causing trouble or if I was almost attacking them. But they are adorable Turtles. I love the old Draconian race, don't you love them too?

Last night when I had gone to bed the aliens showed me a mental image of a hybrid boy who was like an 8- or 9-year old child. I quickly assumed that this is my hybrid child who was made out of my egg. It looks like a Zeta Reticulan, only this guy had teeth in his mouth, several teeth, the teeth were not shaped like the human teeth with incisors and canines and molars, but they were all fairly similar, and the teeth were widely spaced with empty space in between. His skin was gray and he had no hair. The eyes were big and not all black, but with eye whites and large irises and pupils.

I tried to make conversation with the child. I asked him about what his interests are and what he is usually up to. He told me that he has to study a lot, I asked him what he is studying, and I learned that the aliens make him study a lot about genetics, he sounded a bit exhausted with all the studying. I told him that he could teach me some things about genetics because I know very little, he didn't teach me anything. The Reticulans had brought him in to see me. On two times when I talked to the boy, the boy yelled out loud over there and turned to the other aliens and said "Mom is bothering me!!". The boy remained in another location, watching me over remote viewing, and our conversation was telepathically transmitted. I also saw some great mental images of Reticulans at that time.

Reticulan hybrid children are very obnoxious, bratty, arrogant, rude. They are quick to start whining, they can yell and cry to the Reticulans when they are complaining about circumstances. They are not friendly or sweet with me, but cautious enough, though obnoxiously arrogant.

I was also shown last night (in a mental image, while I was still in my bedroom) the room that I have seen before, the room where I once woke up naked together with a naked young human man while Reticulans were watching us like in a zoo from behind a glass. It is a big room indoors with a fake painted sky and fake grass on the ground and one large fake tree near the center. Reticulans can put humans there and watch us like we are in the zoo. The Reticulans wanted me to be there, I said that I would, and I said that I would like to meet my Hamish. Today the Reticulans showed me that room in a mental image again, and they showed me a Reticulan writing symbol that symbolized it, and they said that the writing means: "Me and we give the hope." (translated from my other language) Here it is, as best as I could remember the image as I drew it just seconds after I had been shown it, though I asked the Reticulans to show it to me again so that I could write it down more accurately, but I only got to see a close mental image of a Reticulan but he didn't show me the symbol again, but here it is, as best as I was able to write it down, and this writing and its message had definitely to do with the room that has the tree and obviously with their use of my genetics:

Reticulan writing: "Me and we give the hope"

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