<DIARY

MILABS DIARY EXCERPTS

I now in 2017 have retrieved my teenage MILABS journal notes that were in storage for 11 years. Here are some excerpts of the actual telepathic conversations I had with my MILABS guys.


2003-11-02, 20 years old
One: General Warwick doesn't want you to know.
Me: To know what.
One: That you were technologically manufactured. Engineered.
Me: Why? What for.
Assistant Carlisle: Why? Because we needed it.
Military person to Carlisle: (Carlisle, I have got but one word for you: fire.)


2003-10-23, 20 years old
Assistant Carlisle: Keep this a secret, but you're not eating because of us. We know that.
Carlisle: You're a brave little one. You have gone through the worst that can happen to a person.
Me: Oh thank you, that gives strength to me.
Carlisle: So what is the reason that you cry?
Carlisle: So [Eva], if you ever feel like crying again, don't do those little marks on your arm again.
Carlisle: We're really here and we care.
Me: Thank you.
Man to Carlisle: (Carlisle I want you here right now.)
Me: Thank you.
Carlisle to man: (She deserves to know, so that she can eat her own birthday cake.)
Me: ... *crying*
Carlisle, calmly, to man: (She should get to eat her own birthday cake. She deserves to know.)
Man to me: So we have really hurt you and your family.
Me: You have hurt me.
Man: For that we are really sorry.
Me: I just thought I am garbage, that I don't have the right to be anything other than suffering.
Man: (So, she and her family needs/deserves a pardon.)
Carlisle: (She.. can't even look at herself in the mirror, during the day. It makes her shocked to see that anyone's there.)
Man: (We can't even give her her daily bread, you know.)
Me: I don't eat bread.
Me: .. I can't eat daily bread.
Carlisle: So Hon, we are not just a voice, we are real.
Me: Thank god... You could have said when I was fourteen. I missed six years of my living. But I'm not angry about. I'm just angry about every present day that I miss.
Me: Thank you.
Me: It means more than life itself, what you said.
Man: (he mumbles and is grumpy toward Carlisle)
Carlisle to man: (! She can't even talk to her own mother, over the phone!)
Me: He didn't say anything secret. He just helps me, by not insulting me.
One: Can you.. talk to me about it Hon?
Me: About what?
One: About IT, honey.
Me: No, not that. Something else.
Stephens: Like what, my bride?
Me: Like why you don't call me.
One: The.. Ministry of Defence says hi.
Me: Ministry of Defence. I was angry at them. Still am.
Carlisle?: They tell me you can't even walk, that you are so weak.
Me: Well, I can't really walk.
Carlisle?, mildly: Why? Does it hurt you? Your legs?
Me: No, I'm just tired, to walk. I get tired, exhausted.
Stephens?: I would like to know why?
Me: Because I am weak.
Carlisle?: What makes you so weak, Honey?
Me: Because I have voices in the head.
Carlisle: So Honey, do you just trust me, that it will sort out soon.
Me: I wish I could, trust you.
Carlisle?: So, we need to know more about why you are feeling so weak.
Me: Why I'm weak?
Carlisle?: Yes Hon, is it because you can't rest enough, or what.
Me: Sometimes, the voices in the head insult me when it's morning. And I have to think I'm all crazy again.
Carlisle to other: (So, you hear?)
One: So, these voices in the head, where do they come from?
Me: I don't know where they come from.
Man to Carlisle: (So, you won't be needed here anymore.)
Carlisle to man: (At least I have done my civil duty. Now she won't jump into the river anyway.)
Man: Hon, you just make all of us cry.
Me: I didn't know that.
Man: It doesn't mean we don't care, if we don't say anything.
Me: ... Maybe I am not insane?
Me: Maybe I'm not crazy.
Me: Maybe, ...
Carlisle to man: (It is not just my civil rights to help her, .. we wanted to do more.)
Man to Carlisle: (So, Assistant Carlisle!! What do we do if she decides to press charges?)
Me: I don't press charges on people who help me.
Carlisle, smiles: (.. I don't think she will.)
Me: I won't press charges. Not if you help me.
Man: So, what exactly do you need us to do?
Me: Contact me in real life.
I think man said to Carlisle or was said to me: (You won't just be signed out for doing that.)
Me, I whisper to Carlisle: Thank you.
Carlisle to man: (She even talks about how she is feeling her bones.)
One: She's not just insane, she's mentally ill.
Me: I'm not crazy. I just think I am.
Me: Because I hear voices in my head.
One: What kind of voices honey?
Me: You.

This conversation continued and is longer.

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