characterized by, done in, or executed with secrecy or concealment, especially for purposes of subversion or deception; private or surreptitious


So is the definition of the word "clandestine", which I had never heard before in my life, and which one of the MKULTRA/MILABS men referred to me as a while ago. One of the top listings on Google also finds this: Clandestine Service. I had General Patton and a new US member of the staff do a conquest a while ago. Which is when they enter my body and mind from a distance. The men tell me not to speak when they do this, and General Patton tells me "Welcome to the MKULTRA", and so this time I said "Thank you", and he always asks me "Are you afraid?" and I always say "No I am not afraid!". Because I am not.

My earliest MILABS encounter happened when I must have been around 5 or 6. I remember being out with the other pre-school children, and playing in the park I was running around a wall on a performance stage in the park, and there was a man standing there. The weird thing is he lifted up my shirts and clothes. I remember that because I was wearing the pink cardigan my mother had knitted for me. I remember what this man looked like. He was rather tall, German looking, and he was wearing a black suit. Later more than ten years into the future, I would meet this man on three more occasions. In the last time I saw him he spoke to me telepathically on a train, and when I asked him to prove to me that we were indeed speaking and that it was not all in my imagination, he proved it by right there and then turning to face me directly and gazed deeply at me. "We're watching you", had been his message. "When can I see you again?" I had asked him. "Why do you think that we should?" he said. And I haven't seen him again.

When I was 14 the men spoke to me telepathically. "We're sending you home" was their first-ever message to me. And then, "We're not gonna hurt you." I've had years to think about what "We're sending you home" means. I now know, or at least I think I know, that these men seem to think that I am alien. Extraterrestrial. And they are not happy about that. General Patton not too long ago said quite frankly that they used to kill Star Children like me, only we would come right back to Earth so it's useless. So instead, they have to find ways to contain us. And they also seem to have figured that if they can get us Star Children to work for them, even better. Yeah, it sounds like a science-fiction, only this has been my life.

And so it begun, in my teens. The men would take shifts so that someone would be watching me 24/7. Nonstop. All the time. I called them the "surveillance people", the men in black suits who were watching me through remote viewing. I could have set the clock based on their shifts, because they were very punctual every day. My favorite was to sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, and find out which man was working then, because most of the time I would not get to meet them. So I would always have a chat with the night staff when ever I could. I always tried to get more information out of them, but, these men have been pretty adamant about not answering my questions, nor having a proper chat with me to explain things.

The first time I ever had a mental visual image of them was when some little Greys showed me. The Greys showed me these men in a board room sitting around a table. Strange thing is, one of the men "saw me" present, maybe he was picking up a picture of me at the same time. He turned "toward me" and said, "It must be one of the abductees". It happened fifteen years ago, and I still remember these key lines word by word, because they had such an impact on my life. I was scared and I didn't want to see and I was trying to make it all go away. Shortly after, a man who at least looked like James/John, sat down on the desk in their offices and started explaining things. He was very careful and trying to make me ok and fix things. Too bad I refused to listen to him, for somehow I felt that I wasn't supposed to see, and I didn't want to get in trouble, nor did I want to get involved.

The next time someone actually had a conversation with me was when I was doing the dishes one day and Captain Marsden gave me some comfort and information. It was great, and so I still to this day think very highly of Captain Marsden, and I was sad when a few years later he was replaced by Commendant Larsen. I miss Captain Marsden. Marsden was the leader of the group, so he was better able to provide me with information because who better to know than he what to say or not to say, so that he doesn't say too much.

And now, General Patton actually explains things to me really well. He happens to be one of the topmost staff members, because over the years every once in a while "General Patton" would be visiting the office and all the other staff got really worked up about it like he was some VIP. I now know that General Patton is indeed one of the men who can do the actual "MKULTRA mind transfer". I have the impression that General Patton has worked with many people like me to do a mind transfer.

Oh and I also had a remarkably wonderful chat with Major Cunningham a few months back. It was great to see who this man really is, to get to know him a bit better, after he caused me a heart injury a few years back, and put me through so much torment in my teens...

So in my teens the surveillance men were always watching me. There would be someone there all the time. I learned to shower and use the bathroom with the lights off. Then they had military staff who never worked with surveillance, but who came to visit in the offices every now and then to check on things. Not once did I see a regular military soldier, only the high ranking ones. Several Captains, a Major, a Navy Admiral in a white uniform, a few Generals, Commendant, Sargent, one Liutenant (Jackson), and a few other ranks I always forget. They would always wear their military uniforms, with a few exceptions: Captain Stephens, Major Cunningham, and Captain Greene a.k.a. Captain Daniels would not be in uniform. I think I have seen Cunningham in uniform once or twice (quite dashing hey Cunningham) but otherwise he wears the black suit (high-end labels of course, he's all about that), and Captain Greene also black suit, and Captain Stephens in casual clothes. His favorite color is red. (Stephens always wants me to wear red. And that is specifically why I won't.)

And then there were the military abductions, also known as MILABS on the internet. Those were fun, actually. Like adventures. I would go to sleep, and wake up somewhere else. With these men there with me. There were medical procedures, interrogations, electric shock treatment (once that I can remember), and some molestation and rape. But it's not like something happens all the time, while there. There's been a lot of time with me just standing in a hallway while they are there with me and they're just chatting with each other. Just hanging out, kind of.

Three men were assigned to be cruel to me, well, actually four. Captain Greene, Captain Stephens, and Major Cunningham one night when I was 17 showed up and asked me if I wanted to be raped. I still remember that night very vividly. Ever since then, these three men would bother me every single night it seems, with talk about sexual assault. I would cry myself to sleep, and I would be shaking and so upset. I don't know if it was their job or if they were just three guys having fun. They each had their style of offense.

Greene can be very descriptive with regard to sexual topics. And he really likes to talk about sex. But I was so young then, and I was still a virgin. It just didn't resonate with me, and still to this day if Greene shows up to talk like that (which he does rarely) I just think meh. He probably thinks I like that sort of talk, but I was too young when he started for it to really work that way.

I was so scared of Greene, in fact, that I had to use reverse psychology on myself to make it ok. So instead of being hysterical when Jacob Greene came to visit, I turned my mind around so that he was the one who was going to help me. He was the one who was going to protect me from this and keep me safe. So every time the others started hurting me and scaring me, I would always call for Greene, and then I would literally feel calm and relaxed when Greene showed up. Because it had to be that way. Otherwise I couldn't have managed.

I was a teenage girl. And my bedroom wasn't safe. My world wasn't safe. My mind wasn't safe. I couldn't curl underneath the covers or lock my bedroom door, because they would be there still. I went through a lot of agony because of these men.

Cunningham has always been the meanest. He can really say insults and offense that cut like a knife. He once said that he was going to rape someone I cared about, and I was so afraid that I suffered a medical emergency due to the immense stress and fear. One of my heart valves collapsed and the left or right half of my body turned entirely numb, cold, and paralyzed. The other side of my body instead was hot red. I was holding my limp arm with my other arm. Over the years I have slowly recovered from my trauma, but one side of my face is still partially paralyzed after that. And while it was happening I was screaming and crying to the surveillance people to come save me and telling them that I was in a medical emergency. But none of them cared. Cunningham still hasn't apologized, not to my recollection.

Stephens is the most disgusting in his torment of me. When he would talk to me about sex I would feel literally nauseated. Also Stephens talked a lot about my menstruation, he had a fascination about that. It disgusted me to such an extent, as a young woman, that my body actually switched off my menstruation, and still to this day more than ten years later, I only have my period maybe three times a year, instead of every month like it's supposed to. I'm too scared to have it, in case Captain Stephens comes to say things that deeply violate and offend me.

Stephens also started referring to me as his "wife". I was disgusted by that. He said that me and him would have "three sons". He said that he was Catholic. The rest of what he said I will have to censor from the public internet, but I plan to give out everything in a book. The book will be called "The Battle at Syracuse". Stephens is the one who says "Do you know what happened at the battle at Syracuse?" I then ask "what". And he says, "That's where we fought for you." I still have no idea what that means.

I do know that I went for a visit to a hospital in Syracuse, or so they say. Syracuse Hospital I woke up in a hospital hallway and I escaped out and two men caught up with me. One of them was General Patton, the other one was maybe Sargent Wilkes?

I have had a few conscious MILABS lately, but only when I ask for ones. That either activates my mind to help me remember and to stay conscious during it, or that actually wins some compassion in someone who somehow enables me to stay awake. But it seems that in all those recent encounters, well, most of them, the MKULTRA men are having sex with me, or fondling me naked. Even last night, I woke up still dressed in my pajamas and there was a naked man there. Me being silly like I am when I am only semi-conscious in a MILABS adventure, I went up to him and put my arms around him and cuddled him. I was so pleased to meet someone in someplace else. The reasons why I think this was real and not a dream are many and intricate, including the conversations with the man after I woke up, and the fact that there was a keypad by the door there and some other things involving a towel. I write more about it in my journal and it will be in the book.

I wish I could have more conscious MILABS abductions. They really are neat. I really crave for more such adventures. I would be ever so happy. I am not afraid of these men one bit. I've been involved in this, to my awareness, since the age of 14. I'm used to the concept, and having only had too few conscious encounters, I am eager to investigate and to find out more. I want to stay awake.

But lately the next chapter of my MILABS has begun. And it is called MKULTRA. That is such a scary word, still months into it every time I hear or say the word I get shivers. General Patton is not afraid of saying "Welcome to MKULTRA" all the time, and when he does I tell him that it is one of the ugliest words in the world. Saying "welcome" only makes it creepier, it kinda rings like "Welcome to Hell", or "Welcome to your Death", that kind of thing. It is really creepy.

But General Patton talks to me and for that I am grateful. So I am finding out that I have twelve DNA strands. Whatever that means. I am an alien and I am a Star Child. The team does not like Star Children, but they cannot simply kill us so instead they "keep me inundated", and also they try to hire me to work for them. They want me to "join the team".

What else...

I'm not really afraid of them. In fact I'm not. They've just kind of always been here. But I don't miss them when they're gone, and for many of them I am happy when they come to visit. Many of them are greeted by "Yay" and "You're so much fun!" by me when they visit. I like to say to General Patton, when he visits, "Yay General Patton! This is so much fun!" It's not really fun, but I have to say that. Because I want it to be fun, and not creepy.

I should say that the men do not really hurt me. They're not mean, not really. Well, Andrew used to be really mean. And the sexual offense aside and their refusal to really answer all of my questions, they are really nice men actually. I mean, they're not offensive or scary or mean... except for when General Patton tackles me. Sometimes when General Patton does the "mind transfer", he physically hurts me and tackles me and it is shocking to see a grown man treat a young lady so brutally, like he does. It's shocking, is all.

But somehow my mind has chosen to really like them a lot. And I crave to have more meetings with them. Because somehow, they have disturbed my life when they shouldn't have. And I need that life back, and only by seeing them and knowing that they are real and understanding this, can I ever be me again. They have ruined so much for me, but I can only long and hope to some day have it back. One day they will help me. And I have lived with that hope for many years. They will care about me, because they have to.