Hamish gives me two kisses on the mouth
and in-depth about the mental world of Hamish
July 22 2012

I woke up at around noon this Sunday morning and was still staying in bed. For some reason the fact that I had thought about offering Hamish my Red Draconian some fresh cow or pig liver or kidneys was brought up. Either I thought of it and then Hamish picked up that thought, or that Hamish had heard me say it earlier and was here curious about it and then his thoughts of it made me think of it. But anyway, the thought crossed my mind and Hamish was here to think about it with me.

Whoever brought it up first, I then told Hamish that yes I would like to get him some fresh cow or pig liver or kidneys for him to eat, as a present. Hamish once showed me him holding up a large plastic bag containing small livers and kidneys that he was going to eat. Before you get all creeped out about that, remind yourself that many humans actually eat cow and pig livers and kidneys, and that those are available at most butcher shops and that I could easily provide my Hamish with some to eat. I have eaten liver paté many times in my life. And what do you think is in the pet food that we feed to our beloved cats and dogs? Hamish is my beloved pet.

But then one of the best moments with my Hamish happened. It happened so suddenly and it took me a while to wrap my head around what had just happened. It was so unexpected and at first I had no idea what just happened. I felt two bumps against my face, one followed by another. It was a physical contact against my face. I felt it on two areas of my face. One was above my mouth but below the nose. And the other was at my chin area. It was not a hard hit, but someone or something definitely touched me and bumped into me twice. There was nothing sharp about it. It wasn't like fingers, it felt like something a bit more rough or hard textured, like two dry and a bit rough thin rims against me.

After feeling the bumps I saw a creature who was facing me with its mouth wide open. The mouth was toothless and rather round and it opened rather wide. The creature kept its mouth open and was just facing me. I thought it looked like a black Draconian, so I asked him who he was. "Hamish? Is that you?" I had to ask, because I wasn't sure who it was. The mouth looked black around it but I still think it was Hamish my red one. I think I then saw some red around its head.

"What did you do, Hamish?" I ask him, I am quite baffled by what he had just done. "Did you just, kiss me?", I ask my Hamish, the red Draconian. "I want you to go into my mouth now!" Hamish then says, and Hamish stands close to me and with his wide open mouth staring straight at me. Ah. So that was it. Hamish continues to stand close to me with his wide open toothless mouth gaping straight at me, but he doesn't touch me with his mouth again since those two bumps against my mouth, where his upper perimeter of his mouth had bumped against above my mouth below the nose, and his lower perimeter of his mouth had bumped against my chin.

Hamish is an interesting Draconian and alien creature. I am so blessed to be acquainted with this alien being, and for him to share the world of his thoughts with me. Much of Hamish's thoughts revolve around concepts of food and eating, his scales, and the Draconian power and dominance structure. But if you ever adored getting to know a cat or a dog, or any other animal, watching their particular behaviors and getting to know what emotions of theirs are tied to which of their behaviors, and how it makes your heart sing when you learn to understand them as a person, with thought and emotion. Hamish brings me that tremendous joy, of getting to know another creature, who is not human.

Over the past year that I have known Hamish, every once in a while Hamish displays one of his behaviors, a behavior that is by no means a human behavior. One in which Hamish expresses his thought and emotion, and since I understand what he communicates to me from this behavior, having these moments with him brings me such joy, for I have a big alien creature, a large red space lizard, communicating his thoughts and feelings to me, and I understand. Sometimes Hamish faces me with his mouth wide open. And he will stand like that keeping his mouth wide open, the mouth stays perfectly still and seems quite comfortable and easy to maintain wide open.

Whereas if we humans want to open our mouth to show someone, not only are we often embarrassed and feel awkward about doing that, because our mouths are something that we instinctively conceal and protect, perhaps because we have our airways there and it's a vulnerable part. Also we humans are quite unable to hold our mouths wide open for any length of time, before it becomes uncomfortable and our jaw joints begin to hurt, something we all suffer from when we are at the dentist. We humans also have no communication or body language expression which is based on facing someone with our mouth wide open.

So it is delightful when Hamish shows me himself and he is facing me and he keeps his mouth gaping at me wide open, and he keeps his mouth wide open without it moving or budging. I love it because he is communicating to me. It means something, he is telling me something with his behavior and expression. You don't have to be a biologist to appreciate when an animal, who is not human, acknowledges you, has a thought or a feeling, and chooses to communicate to you and reaches out to you, using his own body language, that he expects you to understand, because it makes sense to him. It is one of the most beautiful moments this life can offer.

I love these moments when I connect with Hamish, because he connects to me. He is a person and a soul, with thoughts and with feelings. I have known him for nearly a year now. He is not a human, and he has so many delicious exotic aspects to him that make every day with Hamish a discovery.

Being with Hamish is more meaningful than archeology, in which humans discover past cultures and thought of earlier human civilizations that connect us through time with the minds of others who were also once thinking people. It is also more meaningful than paleontology, in which humans discover the bones and remnants of fantastic and almost mythical creatures that once lived and that allow us to imagine other living worlds far different from our own. Hamish is incredible, he is a thinking person, also the most fantastic creature. Yet with all of its magnificent splendor, Hamish brings it down to earth, he humbles himself, in that it is just Hamish. A person. And we just hang out, and do ordinary things.

When Hamish faces me with his mouth wide open he is expressing communication which is related to the concept of food and eating. I can't say I still fully understand what it means, but sometimes when he does that I suspect that it is done as a form of warning or a threat, tied into the display and assertion of his position being dominant over me. Hamish does eat inferior creatures, such as the Dinosaurs. And I have to wonder whether throughout Draconian history, perhaps dominant individuals have always eaten the inferior ones, such that implying to another that "I can eat you", is a direct way of saying "I am dominant over you".

Also, dominance itself may have become an absolutely essential part of Draconian life, where dominance is required in order to not be eaten or injured by others who are more dominant than oneself, and that this dominant position then needs to be regularly reasserted and reminded such that one can be safe. But it is not a behavior that is triggered by Hamish feeling afraid, or unsafe, with me.

I am so humbled by the fact that Hamish uses and displays his own repertoire of verbal and body language to me. Hamish has always been unapologetic about his identity with me. He has never been cautious or insecure about his appearance, even though in the beginning I might have been nervous or shocked to see him. The very first time Hamish appeared, now nearly a year ago, he let me see him fully. He has no insecurities or reservations about who he is, what he looks like, or regarding his thought patterns and behavior. And I love that about him. He is completely natural and authentic with me.

So I am left to try to figure out what does he mean, I am the one to climb into his culture and into his psychology and symbolism. And Hamish uses many phrases that I catch on to. "I want you to go over my mouth", is an expression Hamish uses. At first you might think, what does it mean? He doesn't say "I want you in my mouth", or "I am going to eat you because I am hungry", nor does he spell it out by saying "I would like you to know that I want to be in the dominant position with regard to you and me". Hamish uses symbolism, he ties in his thoughts with symbols from his world.

Hamish and the Draconians are carnivorous creatures, and so any time that they eat someone they have to feed on someone who is inferior, and that is how he makes the connection that letting someone know that he could eat them, is a way of saying that he is dominant over them.

He will also say, "You go over my mouth". It is always "going" and "over" or "across" his mouth. Not into his mouth, but over, or across. The way that he says it makes it sound as if saying "you pass across my lips", though he does not use those words. Perhaps it is a warning to let me know that I am near to being eaten, or that I am being considered as a meal. I never felt it that he literally intended to or desired to eat me as a meal, though of course I could be wrong. Snake the Draconian for instance sometimes almost drools over my legs as he tells me how delicious they look to eat, and he on the other hands seems quite sincere.

Hamish has also a few times by now over the course of the past year indicated to me that he wants to eat my feet. He has also shown me mental imagery from his thoughts that he has constructed in his mind, of him having the heel of one of my feet in his mouth, and he shows me that and wants me to see. Examples of Hamish indicating that he wants to eat my feet are found here in the Birthday Cake conversation.

But when Hamish does his behavior of facing me with his mouth wide open, sometimes I have thought that it meant that he was hungry. Sometimes I have wondered if it was a threat to put me into submission, or an assertion of dominance. Does his mouth do that spontaneously as an instinctive or automatic expression when he is having certain thoughts or feelings or physiological processes? We humans have many spontaneous and automatic body expressions that we do not really control over, such as yawning when we are tired, or crying when we are sad. Those are behaviors and expressions that we do not choose or control over. And other behaviors are more under our control, but are still triggered not because we sit down and logically think and decide to do them, but because they are wired as the natural response to a certain thought or emotion, yet that we could stop them from happening if only we wanted to. Such as frowning when we are angry, or smiling or laughing when we are happy - yet we humans can stop those from happening. Still, they are "nonsensical" behaviors that hold no universal truth to them, and they might be meaningless or even misinterpreted and confusing to other species of animals other than our own. In which category does Hamish's display of his open mouth fall into? And I love the fact that he expects me to understand what it means, because if he didn't, he would instead explain his communication to me in words.

Yet there is much to be said also about what is not obvious in his expression. For instance, Hamish does not roar or express rage or violence in conjunction with the mouth open wide expression. It is literally just Hamish facing me with his mouth wide open. He doesn't combine it with any other movements or behaviors which a human might understand to mean threats and respond to by feeling fear. In fact when Hamish faces me with his mouth wide open, my reaction is probably not what he had intended. Namely I become delighted, because I think that his big rather round and toothless mouth is just adorable. I am clearly misinterpreting his expression because I think it makes him look cute and it makes me very happy to see.

That is why verbal communication in words is perhaps the better route to take when two different species communicate. If we can both agree to what words mean, it is easier to attempt to send unequivocal messages to each other. Sure, words can also hold slightly personal meaning and interpretation to each individual, and I have seen examples of that between me and Hamish too, but at least it is less confusing than some random arbitrary expression of body language which could mean totally anything. For when a human smiles and shows its teeth, we express happiness and humility and peacefulness to another, whereas when cats display their teeth it is a sign of a threat and they are by no means smiling. That is why a human and a cat could both agree that the word "happy" means friendly, and the word "warning" means a threat, and they wouldn't have to confuse one another by the use of body languages which have potentially unique meaning to each species. But humans and cats don't speak with using words. Me and the aliens can.

But I do love taking part in Hamish's body language and his unique psychology of thought. I love figuring him out and it makes me happy to be a part of his alien world that is so different from mine. And I love catching on to his phrases and expressions and I find myself using his phrases with him. I find myself adapting to Hamish's language and I use the same words and phrases that he uses with me, even though I'm sure that I could speak "plain English" with him and he would still understand, I much prefer saying "which" instead of "what", for instance, because Hamish does. Hamish says "Which do you mean?" instead of "What do you mean?", for instance.

Also Hamish teaches me his language. He teaches me to "honor him" by adding "my Honored" to every sentence I deliver to him. And I try to learn elements of his Draconian language which involves use of breathing, the way that you move your chest and abdomen with the breath, and a few Draconian roars which I can try to simulate in my mind mentally.

I think that for a large part Hamish understands me well. I think that he is tremendously intelligent to piece together how a human speaks and behaves so that he can understand me, because we are able to communicate two-ways and it flows along quite well without confusion or misunderstandings. Somehow Hamish has swept me along with him and I have caught on quite well and I'm keeping up.

But there is also a gap between us. When Hamish comes very close to me I am a part of him and I get to experience how he sees me and what I look like to him. When a human being looks at me he would look me in the eyes to see who I am as a person, he would look at my forehead and see that I was not frowning or angry, he would look at my mouth and see that I was smiling and friendly and warm as a person. But Hamish does not look at my face or into my eyes. To Hamish, I am not a face or a person or eyes. We humans construct what possibly is an abstract construct of "a human person" when we look at someone's face. The reason I can say that this is possibly an abstract construct, is because we can also look at cartoons and drawings of people and we instantly do the same, we assign them with a personality and we feel an emotional understanding and relation to who they are, even when it is not a real authentic flesh and blood human being before us.

We humans have like this "curtain" of a "person" that we shroud around a human body, and it lives there like a hologram. We can call this a personality or a soul. We experience it in ourselves and we experience it in others. We also assign it to other animals such as cats and dogs, who become "people" to us. This "curtain" is a very living entity of its own, so strong and live to us that in fact it becomes primary to us, and the physical flesh body becomes something secondary. We think of ourselves, and each other, as nonphysical entities. It is not the body we think about when we greet each other, instead we experience in one another and in ourselves that rich veil which shines brighter than anything physical such as our body itself.

And that veil across us is full of emotion. It is full of joy and happiness and love. And sometimes strucken with anger or sadness. This veil that is a person and a soul across a human, and that we also see across other animals, is a dynamic and vast entity of its own, but a hologram that we acknowledge in our mind. It is not a physical object, it is more like the projection from a movie projector, somehow carried in the light that then goes to the screen and that screen is in our minds, contained entirely in our own private experience in our head. For that movie projection that is the veil that is a person and a soul and full of emotion, is nowhere on the physical body itself. And it dies as soon as the body dies, when the face and body becomes expressionless, it is gone.

We humans take this for granted, our experience of the person that we are, the human being. It must take tremendous brain capacity and brain processing for us to actually have this experience. Because one of the most fascinating things that I have learned from Hamish, is how he does not see the person or the soul.

If the movie projector box is the physical body, and the person that we humans see in one another is the movie cast out by that projector box and displayed entirely inside of our minds, Hamish does not see the movie. He only sees the box.

When I connect with Hamish's mind when he comes close to me, I see that I am nothing more than a physical body to him. Gone is the person in my eyes, my personal and unique self that is so full of love and emotion, gone is the immensely valuable soul that wants to live and that needs to live, ever so precious. Here is just a box, a brain. Hamish has a strictly visceral experience of me, lacking entirely of emotion or soul. To Hamish, I am a brain that does electrical signals and that is making noise. A fascinating brain at that, but I am just a blob of brain that sends out messages to him. And that makes me very small.

But which of us is correct? I must say that Hamish isn't wrong in his perception of me. It is true that I am just a body of flesh and blood and organs and a brain, a brain that makes electronic noise and sends messages to him. My own experience of being a vast and vibrant soul and person that shines so bright that it is larger than this body and that it makes this body not a biological machine, but me, is really just an experience that probably does not extend outside of my body, it is contained entirely within the small cramped corners of my brain. My soul and personality is not bigger than life itself, ... it is just a series of electrical sparks, immensely tiny in size. And that is how Hamish sees me.

The first few times when Hamish snuck up close and I got to experience myself from his experience it was a terribly terrifying and utmost visceral and hellish experience. I felt like I had died and turned into a pile of organs. Today I am used to it and quite alright when Hamish comes up close. I can have that experience with him, and then I try to bring across to him what my experience is of myself. When Hamish comes close and he sees me as a brain that is making noise, I then show him mental images of myself from the way that I see myself. I show him my eyes, so in a way I am asking him to see me in the eyes and not in the brain. I try to transmit to him the essences of my feelings and emotions, so that he could feel what a vibrant entity I am. I don't want him to miss out on my soul, and my emotions. I am sure that Hamish would enjoy stepping into my world, and I don't care if my self is just an artificial hologram that doesn't really even exist. So maybe I am just a physical biological organic and visceral body that is nothing but flesh and organs and cells and molecules and electronic signals. So what. I am enjoying this experience and somehow this box that is my body is in fact a movie projector and it is the movie, not the projector box, that everybody comes to look at when they go to enjoy a movie, in this case one that is called life.

So in essence Hamish comes to me and he is staring at this odd little box that is the movie projector, and he is completely unaware of the movie that is playing in my head. One day I will get it across to him. One day I want his mind to see my movie. And I think he will like it. And perhaps that will change him forever, perhaps then he will understand the crime that it is to take a life. Maybe that will bring about the compassion that the Draconians do not have, the appreciation of life that we others have, and maybe then will he see that no, he is not the best race in the world after all, and that it is life that needs to be Honored, not his scales.

We humans think that our way of life is so obvious. But spending time with the Draconians I've come to notice my own behaviors and body language in a new way. For instance, why am I smiling at the Draconians? What good would that do? If they don't understand it then it just looks silly. I also giggle and laugh a lot with my Draconians, because I love when they interact with me and that makes me happy. But as much as I can I try to stop myself from laughing and giggling because when I realize that these are not humans and that this odd sound I am making is not part of their repertoire, I then rather feel embarrassed to be making what essentially is ugly noise that I don't want to bother them with. Because if they don't have laughter in their species then my laughter is just going to be a nuisance. Even if they understood that I am experiencing positive and pleasant emotions and they can deduce from it what my experience and expected behavior might be, it's not like their hearing of my laughter is going to trigger in them the emotional response that I would expect of a human who is hearing my laughter and giggles. So sometimes I stop myself from laughing and giggling with them. (And at other times I just can't so I go ahead and have that fun moment by myself if so have to.)

We humans must be weird creatures to the Draconians. Sometimes in my encounters with these aliens, it is not they who are the strange aliens to me, but sometimes instead I am struck by how weird I am, as a human being. How very weird we are, and the "alien encounter" then instead becomes me being faced with what I am. I'm not sure I need or want that insight about myself, but it sure is food for thought.

Alas, the encounter with Hamish by no means mandates this massive exploration of cross-species languages, cultures, psychology and communication. One could quite possibly have an encounter with Hamish and it runs along smoothly and there is no real need to analyze. Hamish is skilled at communication with a human, and it is easy to understand him well. I just like to ponder a bit deeper, perhaps because I am a scientist.

One of the things that I find interesting is that Hamish does not use his hands. He doesn't use his hands or arms in body language or psychological symbolism. Whereas we humans are constantly using our hands not only in our daily lives but also in our communication and body language. Hamish instead thinks a lot about his scales.

The scales mean a lot to the Draconians, in particular to Hamish. Namely they are the racial (or rather, species, but Hamish uses the word "race" when we humans would say "species") feature that sets them apart from other, non-scaled, species. In a way the Draconians tell to all other species, "Look at us, we have scales, and you do not. Therefore you are different, and you must be treated as different." Scales are a central part of their acknowledgement of "self", and "population identity". Sometimes I expect him to also mention his tail, or to think of his tail as somehow also a part of him and his identity, but no, Hamish never talks about his tail and he doesn't talk about his tail not even if I try to stir up the conversation. It is the scales that matter to him, the tail is just there.

Hamish spends a lot of time with me, and sometimes I wonder how does he spare all his time to spend with me? I know that I am an egg donor for them, but why does Hamish need to visit and check on me so often? If I think of myself as a cattle in their pen, this cattle is pretty self-sufficient. I feed myself, I wash myself, and I run about life taking care of things without the need of a caretaker like when humans have pets or livestock. But one of the things that the aliens do is they want to ensure that I don't eat refined sugar, so Hamish is here to keep an eye on what I am eating. He tells me "No" when I am about to eat something "which" they don't want me to eat. Such as sugar. (I also think it is a disciplinary act to restrict my consumption of something that I "want".)

But our worlds will always be different. Where Hamish thinks that he is, what I assume to be, showing dominance, or perhaps just displaying that he is hungry for food, my first thought and interpretation was that Hamish was kissing me, because he put his mouth against mine, in two bumps. (But of course Draconians don't kiss. That is human behavior.) And where Hamish throws himself over me and wrestles me around to test my strength and to assert his dominance, I think that Hamish is cuddling me. And where Hamish throws me around and calls it "hitting", I giggle, because as a human I think of physical contact as fondness and intimacy. I think we misunderstand each other often and in many situations, but me and Hamish get along fine. It works.

Hamish is a spectacular being, I feel so privileged to have him in my life. He brings me such joy to my heart when he visits. I know that we are supposed to be hating on Draconians and that I am supposed to throw pillows at him and kick and scream and say no and put up a fight. But in our world, it is just Hamish and me. And between the two of us, things are great. He is a meaningful inclusion into my life. More than a partner or a lover, a family member or a pet, he is my Hamish. The red Draconian.

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