<THOUGHTS

What's up with Hamish?
August 19 2012

The last time I really had Hamish here was when he threw his hissy fit (see here). And that was two nights ago. I've gone two whole days now without my Hamish, and I'm starting to miss him bad. I've cried and begged for Hamish to come see me but he won't. The very last thing he said to me was that if he is to come here then I need to take out my trash first. And he showed me a mental image of the paperbasket I have hidden in the cabinet under the bathroom sink. It's funny cause when Hamish shows me images of my trashcans with trash in it, in the image he more often than not has his head right on the trashcan just above it. Which is funny cause if the trash is so hideous why does he put his head so close to it when he inspects it.

Speaking of which, I've noticed that Hamish is a bit nearsighted. ("Nearsightedness, or myopia, as it is medically termed, is a vision condition in which close objects are seen clearly, but objects farther away appear blurred.") When he looks at me closely sometimes he comes up very close to me and has his eyes right on me. I've also seen him do that with the little hybrid kids. When Hamish takes a close look at things he has them underneath his long arched head-and-neck and he then leans his face down and has his eyes very close to it. It is a very particular behavior and indicative of how his eyesight and mental processing of visual information works.

I do know that his field of vision is buckled. Images in the center appear "normal", but things along the sides of his field of vision are buckled. He showed me this months ago. He must understand that the buckled visual is not "true" because when he turns his head to face them then they straighten out. Hamish has round eyes that bulge out of the head.

This morning I made another new observation about Hamish and I'm quite pleased to have learned such a fantastic new thing about my monster. While I was having a shower, the ETs brought a Japanese man in telepathic/remote viewing connection with me. I don't know why but when I shower or when I dance are the most common times when the ETs let Japanese men see me. I guess the men want to see me then? Kinda creepy? But when they see me, I see them too. But anyhow then Hamish was around. Hamish has been working by the huge cargo ships at sea off the coast of Japan, where they have many huge metal containers in different colors. Some containers are red, others are yellow. The Japanese put food for the Reptilians here. The food are fish guts from the fishing industry.

I know that Hamish works a lot in Japan too, but it's just that I miss my Hamish and I want him here. But the observation I made of Hamish was that I noticed that when I saw him he had that strange orange glow to him again. I've been puzzled because sometimes when I see him he has a neon orange glow about him, and at other times he does not have that orange glow. It's been like two different Hamishes and I've had to wonder about that. So now I noticed that it's his orange blunt bumps that glow with a neon orange glow! The bumps cover the top of his head, along the back, the back hump of course, and on his arms. I think that maybe if Hamish is in the dark he will actually have a luminescent neon orange glow from those bumps. And having seen the bumps more closely, they appear to be pus-filled.

I'm about to cry now. I'm very sad, it cuts me deeply. Just now, Hamish who has obviously been listening in on my thoughts because me thinking of him connects us together, it's like dialing a phone number from me to him. He then did that same sound as he did two nights ago during his hissy fit, that short sound that's filled with sharp static noise. It is a sound that indicates irritation and upset. I'm very sad that Hamish is upset with me. I didn't realize that drinking one large sweet ice tea and eating those chili cheese fries and going to donate blood plasma without his permission would all be so bad... Now maybe if I take out the trash and take "compressed iron" (iron supplement pill) it might repair things. I really don't want him to be upset with me. I've known this thing for over a year now and it breaks my heart that he's still having a hissy fit.

Surely not? They didn't leave me did they? Ever since the start in August a year ago they have been saying all year that they would leave after one year. So basically the plan was all along that in August of this year they would have ended their project with me. But Hamish did say recently that he was going to stay for several more months? Plus I saw a white Praying Mantis ET this morning, and the male Zeta Grey with blue eyes was here last night.

Just now, Hamish, in a gentle mood thank goodness, indicates to me in mental images that he is still afraid of the pins and needles I have got over by my desk. I have been sewing a dress and Hamish is very afraid of the pins and needles. He is afraid for his eyes. And so I told Hamish that "Do you know which I would do if someone came close to you with a pin?" I told him that I would place my own body in front of his and I would protect him with my life and take the pins myself. So maybe if I put away the pins and sewing machine and take out the trash and then take "compressed iron", then Hamish will feel comfortable to come back. I miss him so.

"I will be here when I own." - Hamish says right now and he is pleased and "happy"
"Yes Hamish you will own here." - I say to my Hamish
"Yes..." - Hamish makes a "pleased Yes!"
"I am not a Draconian anymore." - Hamish
"Which are you?" - me
"I am such that comes with you to bed." - Hamish, what? Maybe because I am sitting on the bed, he means "to come here"
".. I miss you Hamish. You have been away for a long time." - me. Hamish is watching me in his calm and content mood. His head tilts left, then right, left... like a cute puppy. He does this when he is listening carefully, his head begins to tilt from side to side.
"I have been there." - Hamish says with a mental image of his red Draconian scaly index finger pointing at something, but I did not see what he was pointing to
"Where have you been?" - me, I need him to clarify
"I have come here, with a bad message for you." - Hamish says calmly
"Which? Which message?" - me
"We have slept with the wrong race." - Hamish, I think he literally meant "sleeping", like not sex or anything, and I felt that he referred to "humans" being the wrong race
"I miss you." - me
"We have been here." - Hamish
"Yes, but I miss you now." - me to Hamish
"... I will not speak to you, about intercourse with our race." - Hamish, ok, I had a dream last night that a Reptilian was awkwardly about to have sex with me

Ok, this conversation is getting weird. At least Hamish is in a calm mood. Ok, now he shows me the Japanese men "with" the white hybrid children. You see, the Japanese give the Reptilians a container filled with fish guts. They empty the container in their undersea bases off the coast of Japan, then they send the empty container back with one hybrid child in each. The Japanese men are "with" the children, and Hamish was now showing me and Hamish said that in exchange they get various fish trimmings. I said to Hamish a clear "No" and I made it clear to him that I would not want to ever see that again and that I am opposed.

See here for pictures of exactly what it is Hamish is showing me from Japan - NOTE: THE COMPANY ON THIS WEBSITE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE JAPANESE/REPTILIAN BUSINESS!

We need to throw those Japanese men into the sea. Because when Hamish is working in that big cargo ship in Japan, he tends to shift from using "eating" as his chosen form of threat, to using the threat to "toss someone into the ocean" in Japan. He used that threat to me the other day because he was working there, and I can only imagine that he says that to the Japanese people to make them do what he needs them to do. Kind of like here he threatens to "eat the heel of my foot". I am so disgusted and repulsed I don't ever want to see that again, and if Hamish thinks that that is ok then I am going to end my relationship with him and scatter trash all over my bedroom floor and play music real loud and spread pins and needles everywhere and light a bunch of tealight candles everywhere, while I drink a gallon of sweet ice tea and orange soda and finish it off with half a dozen pears.

I guess Hamish was just busy working over in Japan, and that his hissy fit wasn't really about what I did. He should be back with me when it is time for them to do stuff here. He did say to me last night that I was "not fertilizable" at this time, so I guess they're just on schedule and everything. But I swear, if I ever see those Japanese men, like if the ETs were to bring me over there, I would seriously injure them, or just throw them off the cargo ship and into the sea and they could drown so that no more children could be hurt. Hamish has said that after those "Narugai" (which is what the Japanese men call the hybrid children who are brought in the containers) are molested then the Reptilians eat the children. So it's like "they were going to get killed anyway".

I'm less worried about the children getting killed and eaten, than I am about them being molested. Humans eat cows and pigs and chickens so we have no right to fuss about Reptilians eating hybrid children. If you don't like Reptilians eating conscious, sentient hybrid children, then how about you stop eating cows and pigs and chickens who are also conscious and sentient. I have to talk to Hamish and explain why this is so seriously wrong, they have to stop doing this to children. Hamish has to grow a heart, I have to explain to him.

Evening update

So it's the evening of August 19th. I somehow feel like Hamish and me would have had an argument. But one-sided for sure, if any, because I would never argue at Hamish. I love that red Dragon Turtle. But he sure was mad at me when he threw that hissy fit two nights ago. He has been a bit edgy today too, for instance he has been responding to me without words and simply by facing me with his mouth wide open. Which is his way of saying, "I could eat you if I wanted to". It is a mild form of threat, or more correctly a display of irritation.

He sure is edgy still and I have to wonder was it really me who did that to him, or did something else cause it? I've put some of my pins and needles from my sewing crafts table away. Because Hamish fears the pins and needles, he is worried about them ending up somehow in his eye. And I took out all the trash and emptied the trashcans. And there is no music and there are no candles burning here. So Hamish should feel welcome. I tidied up a bit in my room too because I know Hamish likes that. I washed the three dirty plates that had been sitting on my desk, I know he doesn't like dirty dishes at all.

So he has been around some more and I have heard him say some Yes's and No's and even a few Yes-No's, so all seems to be coming back to normal. Although he has been displaying his mouth wide open at me a few times.

I really don't want to fight with Hamish. I want things to go back to normal. I really miss having him here, I so much love having Hamish here in the evenings, when he and I can talk together and I can watch his familiar body language and take part in his breathing, his quirky phrases, and just the magnificent guy that he is. Perhaps Hamish is a bit more complicated than I had estimated. I'll just leave him to be and let him have his emotional tantrums and hissy fits and maybe it will all cool down after a little while. I don't see how I can reconcile.

But he hasn't abandoned me. He is still around, and he was watching me eating and drinking a bit this evening and making a few Yes's and No's and even a few Yes-No's about things that I did, or about things that he was thinking of and wanted to show me in mental images, some of which I don't always understand.

But I am about to have my evening shower. And how can I have my shower without Hamish the Red Turtle Dragon becoming all delighted like a little kid or a puppy and finding "his" bathroom rug beside the shower, and me getting to feel his feelings as he enjoys its softness underneath his bare feet, as he begins to lift his feet up and down on the rug. Once he even lifted his feet so fast it was like a person running in one spot, oh how delightful it was I started laughing! And then he'll use the vertical shower door handle with a sharp edge as a back scratch, he'll scrape his turtleshell against it and lets it cut rather deeply into his hump back. And he likes that! He so enjoys that spot, and how can I have a shower without Hamish anymore? I'm spoiled, spoiled to have known the most incredible Red Dragon Turtle named Hamish. He brings so much joy into my life, and so when he is gone all I can feel is emptiness.

Second update for this evening

Ok so I had thought that maybe perhaps Hamish was on the rebound because he had been around a little bit this evening watching what I was eating and had made a few Yes's and No's and even a few Yes-No's, even though not to the same extent as normally.

So just now I said something to Hamish, and instead of saying his usual "pleased Yes", he said Yes but he said it together with another one of those sounds that sound like static noice on the television or radio, it is a short brief vocalization filled with sharp static. It sounds like irritation and upset. I told him "how he is supposed to say Yes", I repeated in my mind to him telepathically the way that he usually pronounces his "pleased Yes", which is an elongated smooth lovely Yes that sounds like when someone slips into the hot bath or sips from a cup of hot chocolate and is really enjoying something. He then made one or two more short static sounds out of irritation. It was as if he was telling me to go away and to stay away. He has never done this to me before, until these last few nights.

It is like when you have a crocodile that is hissing. Yay yay yay! Hamish said in response to this video to the right, "Crocodile, Yes-No!" Yay Hamish!
"But Hamish, you make sounds like it does." - me to Hamish
"I will rule over it." - Hamish says
"Yes Hamish, rule over it." - me to Hamish

The irritated static hiss that Hamish makes sounds very much like the hiss of the Alligator in this video, only Hamish's are much sharper and are quicker and briefer, but they are surprisingly similar. Interestingly you see the Alligator face the threat with its mouth wide open. Hamish does that too. But Hamish has done "threats" of having his mouth wide open at me in the past, but it was only now in these recent few days that he has used the hiss at me.

When he makes a hiss it feels like he is telling me quite abruptly and sharply to get away from him. It sounds like maybe he is busy with doing other things and he doesn't have time for me to tell him that he is cute? I always bother him with pointless drivel and I've been wondering actually whether it's only a matter of time before he gets irritated with me, but he's seemed ever so patient and tolerant with me in the past for the whole year so far.

Could it really be the things I did the other day that upset him so? That I went to plasma donation without asking for his permission first? Dirty plates left in my room? The trash in the trashcan? Drinking sweet iced tea? All I know is he is hissing at me and I don't like it. I don't like it because Hamish is mad at me for some reason, and there is no way I can get to him to sort it out. I want to fix things and make it all better for Hamish. I don't want him to hold a grudge. Maybe he needs a hug from me. But I have to remind myself that he is a reptile. I'm sure he's ok. But how can I go shower without him stomping on "his" bathroom rug and scraping his turtleshell hump back against the shower door handle's edge? How does anyone shower without a Turtle Dragon doing those things? How did we ever live without the Turtle Dragons.

"Hamish. *pout* I miss you." - I whine to Hamish
"No." - Hamish says, though not angrily, and without hissing

In the spirit of the Japanese men Hamish works with, sometimes it is best to say it in a Haiku poem:

Sweet tea plasma No
Faces mouth wide open
Hamish hissy fit

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