<THOUGHTS

April 22 2012

Warning - disturbing content

The Reptilians - and Lady Grey - have become a normal inclusion into my life. We lead a family life, with our very own disturbed and peculiar family dynamics. Just like in any family, you might find the misbehaving kids, the alcoholic husband and father, the sweet grandmother. My family has four big strong men. I would think of Black Reptile Malik as my father. He comes to my rescue and he calls me his "treasure"... though he has taken to calling me his "witch" now too. Oh well. Shrug.

Snake would have to be an uncle, a big strong dependable man who always knows what he is doing. He goes out and gets the job done and the rest of us, women and children, can just relax at home while he takes care of things. Draco would be the bothersome big brother sometimes. But Hamish the Red Reptile is the love of my life. He is my husband in this family drama.

Lady Grey, I don't know where Lady Grey fits in. She would of course have to be the mother, but she is the kind of mother who has strict house and family rules and scares the children, but when you behave she'll cuddle up with you in the sofa and read you a story and pet you on the head. But you know she will turn at you with the bat if you haven't done the dishes. (Or if you don't get naked in front of the other hybrids.) Ok. We live a dysfunctional family household, it's not exactly a picket fence. What goes on behind closed doors, is, well, highly dysfunctional.

The house is full of children of course, hybrid children running around all over everywhere. We've got baby infants and little toddlers and young children and adolescent teens. And they're literally everywhere. We're wading in children.

At first when I got inclusion into my new - dysfunctional - ET family, I thought that no matter what! I would always remain pleasant and civil to the utmost! Well there's this brat, a little hybrid boy who can't be more than six or seven years old. He acts so arrogant and impudent he is like the little Lady Grey Nazi. She must've raised him herself. So this little kid comes and tells me I'm so ugly and that I am an inferior race. And that ticks me off! So I'm like the big sister who wants to grab him by the hair until Mother comes along and says "Hey kids! Stop that!", and I say, "He was calling me ugly and an inferior race, that little brat!", and the boy will say "But she is so ugly!".

My best insult to the brat so far was that "Yeah? Well I live on a beautiful planet Earth where I can go anywhere I like. And you live in a can." I've also told him when I got really mad and he got under my skin that "Well yeah? If you're such a good race you're just gonna get beaten to death and eaten. Meanwhile I'm going to live out my life and no one's gonna eat me." We've had to be separated twice already, and Lady Grey will tell me to "Hush!"

I get put down by the Draconians plenty, and also by Lady Grey, but they are adults. And this is a little kid. No little 7-year old kid is going to come here and act like he's so much better than me. It just really gets to me. Even Peter the Pleiadian had to come tell me to there there, he really loves you in his heart. I will have that boy show me some respect, or else. He is at that age when he needs to be put to his place. If it were a little child I would tolerate it.

And last night the brat was brought here to look at my breasts. I said sure come up closer and have a look. Snake then said that no I should undress myself and not be asking him to come closer. I did not comply. And now this morning they are all talking about wanting my breasts to make milk just so they can see. Are you beginning to see why this space drama I'm in is so heavily censored? Wait till you read the book. What makes it worse is that this boy is my own son.

So last night I ate some salmon and I know I ate some of the scaly skin too because it was soft. This morning Lady Grey declares to me, "You ate scales!" Oh no, I thought, I am going to get in trouble! I remember this had happened once before, when I ate that same type of salmon with scales months ago in this space drama, they had told me then too that I had eaten scales! I start whining gently to the Draconian superlords. I tell Malik that I ate some fish scales and I didn't mean to. But I was careful not to say that I am sorry or that I apologise, because Draconians don't do apologies.

I confessed to having eaten fish scales to all of my four Draconians and I told them that I did not eat reptile scales, I ate fish scales and they are not the same! Draco I think it was (otherwise a new character) who said that "Yeah, and fish roe are not eggs."

One of the Draconians told me that I could try having a walk. A walk would soothe my belly, he said that that usually helps with humans. I said that no my tummy isn't upset, I was just upset that I had done something wrong! I feel so vile and disgusting. I mean sure the Draconians eat humans and hybrids (sorry, belongs in the censored books) but I know that for me to eat anything reptilian would be a serious violation. It's ok now though, they didn't make a big deal out of it. Heck, they might even think that it was cool and butch of me and I may even have won some admiration and climbed up the ranks a bit, who knows.

This morning Hamish told me that I have an onion on my kitchen counter and that they would like to see me peel it. I have no plan on peeling it any time soon since I already have one that I'm using in my refrigerator, and this one would get spoiled if I peeled it too soon before using it. Later Hamish said again that they would like me to peel the onion, and to drink some milk. The ETs want me to drink cow's milk but I never do.

Ever since I met General Patton I fell head over heels in love with him. And that rarely ever happens with me. It's not like I can find men everywhere that I find appealing. In fact I wanna marry him. I've felt that way ever since our first encounter. Even during the MILABS abduction when I escaped from the hospital in Syracuse and General Patton (obviously a cover name!) and this other guy came out and found me and they took me back to the General's house and when I was losing consciousness again and entering back into a drugged state, for some reason my mind believed that I was here in this house on a date with General Patton. And I started to try to put my makeup on for him, because I had gone to sleep without any makeup on. Only I was scrambling among his things on the sink counter because of course my makeup wasn't there.

And in my drugged state, I forgot all about where I am originally from, my own life here, and everything else and anyone I have ever been before. Thinking without inhibition or restriction, and misunderstanding that we were on a date, I felt that I would want to marry him and live with him forever and have kids with him. But I bet I'm just one of the many abductee whores that he's brought to his house. He wouldn't care about me. And I hate that everyone, ETs, MILABS, play with my emotions like this. They never care. I bet he hates me even.

But this morning I was declaring my feelings about General Patton. Red Hamish showed up and pushed me down on the bed and held me down there among the pillows and he just looked at me. He said that I was supposed to be his wife. I told Red that I love him and of course I am his wife, but I need to find a human husband of my own race to live with and to have kids with. Last night I had oversaid to Lady Grey that I am in love with Patton and that I want to marry him. But then I urged to her to please not tell anyone or it would ruin everything!

Hamish then went over to where Patton is and sized him down and was ready for a confrontation of strength and power measurement. I urged Hamish to just leave it be, and I don't think that he did much of anything. Maybe the General didn't even notice that Hamish was there.

And now they are going to transfer me to another team and I am to never see General Patton again and my heart will be crushed (well, at least that's what I fear now, though I'm very sure that they won't). By the way I have lived with the MILABS men for sixteen years, since I was 14. Not once have I fallen in love with one of them, so it's not like I am in any ways prone to falling in love with any of them. It's not like I have crushes and fall for them all the time. Actually on the contrary, I've found most of them to be really creepy. I did bond to Jacob Greene like mad, but that was only because he was the one raping me so I thought that if only I could tell my mind that he is the one who cares about me then I wouldn't have to be in such an utter state of panic and terror when he comes to see me. I'm sorry I didn't censor that if it just ruined somebody's day.

This isn't just imaginations. These are real people I'm dealing with. And some of them are aliens, and some of them are military and surveillance people. They have inserted themselves into my life, my personal space, they use my body and they talk to my mind. But it is my family now. I would be heartbroken if they left me.

But I would definitely marry General Patton. What if in a perfect world two people would feel the same? What if he hates me? What if he is flattered and decides to let me go with him on a date? Then that time I could really put my makeup on. Maybe I can go see him in Syracuse? Or maybe he can come down here to see me? Maybe they can bring me there in a UFO? Or hey maybe next time if Malik lets me wake up during an abduction, I can just... throw myself by General Patton's feet, wrap myself around his legs and beg him to please, please marry me! I would do anything! I will be the best wife ever!

What if I actually were to get married to General Patton. To actually get to hold his hand, umm... wait now, I have actually done that already. I don't think that he is married and I don't think that he has any kids. What if he would marry me? What if he showed up here tonight with a wedding ring and got down on one knee like a romantic man? And we would be together forever and ever? I know that he hates me because I am Arcturian, but maybe he can learn to love me for being Arcturian? Yep, I'm in love. With General Patton. And I would do anything to have him for my husband.

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