<THOUGHTS

April 21 2012

I was so happy when the aliens came back into my life in August 2011. I had missed the Greys dearly for so many times throughout the past ten years, after they seemed to have left me after having been in my life in my teens. I grew up with my Greys in my teens, they became part of who I am, more important than my own family. My identity was tied into who they are, and when they left, they took that big part of me with them. And I was alone in this human world that I can never belong to again.

I did not know the Dinosaur or the Orion man when they first visited. But we quickly got acquainted and became what I like to think are good friends. I liked the Orion man visiting me. He would look at me in the shower and tell me that I had such "beautiful soft yellow skin", because his was covered in black pointy scales. He was always nice to me. I remember the first time he came for a visit. He was so hesitant and nervous around me, because he had brought with him an armed guard, another Orion man who had a gun. I told them that it wouldn't be necessary, that I would never harm them.

The Orion man always diligently tended to his work. He would tell me about the procedures they were doing. He would measure my head many times, and also inspect my feet, because they wanted my type of feet for the hybrids they are making. They really liked my feet. He would collect bacteria from my mouth and from other places and from my room even, and he always told me to wash my toilet and bathroom floor, and that I should watch out! Because I had bacteria in my mouth! And once he told me that I had lice, and he showed me a mental image of what he meant, and I told him that no those are dust mites, that we can't ever get rid of them.

Then came Red Hamish, the Red Reptile. I was surprised when he first showed up, he would just spend days watching me closely all day long. I felt like a prey watched by a hawk. Over nine months I got to know my Red Hamish. He is so cute when he complains about my dirty dishes, and tells me that I have trash in my room (in the paperbasket) and that the trash is disgusting and that it smells. How he tells me to put out my candles and to throw my unused candles away, because fire could burn his body, he says. And he doesn't like any music, except for that one time when he really listened to the ambient vocal choir that was playing, and he didn't tell me to turn it off.

How Hamish smells, but ever since I told him of his smell he has refused to come close. He doesn't want to bother me with his smell, but I miss having him near, smelly as he is. I love to feel his breathing and when my body begins to breathe in sync with his. I love the way he thinks and speaks, and how I have got to know his character. He became my best friend and I love him so. I cry when he is gone because I miss him, and I cry when he comes for a visit because I love him.

Then came David Eckhart's team. His Draco, as I call him, because he has not given me a name, and their big boss Snake, who rarely ever talks to me. And Lady Zeta Grey, the quite so bossy stern and sometimes even evil lady, who treats me unlike I have ever been treated before or seen any other human treated for that matter. She treats me like her dog, she gives me orders and commands, and she reprimands me like one would a dog or a child when I am about to do something that she does not approve of. "Hush!" she will tell me when I need to be quiet or quit what I'm doing. And she doesn't like what my body looks like, she for instance told me how my teeth were so hideous.

She looks down on me and our whole race, I am some strange primitive animal to her, and I have never been regarded as primitive and inferior by anyone before like this in my whole life. She tells me that I am part of her Noah's Arc. But she is also proud of me as one of her animals, and sometimes she shows love an affection, but still in a cold way like the owner does to a horse, a horse that is not meant as a pet in the domestic house with the family, but rather a horse that is kept in the barn and that has to perform and obey and work for their owners. A kind of appreciation where if she were to show me love she might fear that this animal that I am might go out of hand.

How do I feel about Lady? I like her, I knew I would ever since the first time I saw her, when she was accompanying Draco, when Draco was about to conquer me with the Reptilian dominance game, but he had brought Lady with him for strength and moral support, and Lady was equipped with the bat and was giving me orders.

She has softened a bit over time, as I shower her with friendliness and assurances that she does not need the bat nor to be stern. But she still sees me as an animal, perhaps as a big and strong animal with sharp teeth, as she has none, a big bear that can sometimes be controlled, but that still remains a wild animal that could turn at her at any moment if she lets her careful guard down. (She is quite the Nazi Gestapo, heheh, sorry.)

I miss my Red Hamish. He hasn't been in today. I was excited to meet with the MILABS men, but now I see that a transfer has been made. This morning the MILABS General Patton (which of course seems to be a covername, doesn't it) explained to me that the Zetas were preparing me for them. These two groups are both using me. Here's how it happened, and what it is:

I am an Arcturian Starsoul. I am an Arcturian person who incarnates into a human body, although I vary the extent of incarnation from time to time, because Arcturians are so far from what this world is, that when I come forth too much then the reactions are too strong around me in this world. Anyhow, the Reptilian gang came to Earth and spoke with the Earth governments and military leaders, such as NATO as well of course. The Reptilians wanted some stuff. They want food and they want bases and they want humans for their medical experiments, among other things. Of course the Reptilians want to also rule here on this planet, but that's another issue that doesn't really relate to me.

So the military governments realize that if they don't work with the Reptilians, then the Reptilians are just gonna take all they want anyway. So it's better to go into agreements with the Reptiles, so that the Earth governments win some and give some, and the Reptilians are happy anyway. By working with the Reptilians, the governments are able to restrict their demands a bit, as well as impose rules onto how the Reptilians go about here on Earth.

Earth military don't like benevolent alien incarnations, because, as General Patton explained to me, they don't want all these spiritual people coming here and teaching about crystals and love and light and spiritual awareness and psychic abilities and so forth, because it really changes what this world is. Meanwhile, Peter the Pleiadian, who has a bit of a sexual way of thinking (sorry about that), Peter and his lady Pleiadian explained that them coming here to Earth and guiding us, is just like when a young man who is a virgin and has never had sex before, can have sex with an older woman who has already learned how to have sex and can show him. So that way it is not really a violent offense against Earth that the benevolent ETs are coming in here, they are only supporting and guiding us on the very same path that they have already gone, and we will become what they are anyways. (The Arcturians might have used a different analogy.)

But General Patton and his team don't like me. They tell my alien self to go away and yesterday General Patton - don't ask me how he did it - but he was able to rough handle me from his other location. It was similar to how the Draconians can toss and turn me around, I guess the General (if he even is a General) had been using Reptilian technology to get to me. The General used his brute force, and he is a strong man, to make my hands go into fists and contract them real hard, and was pushing my arms off the computer keyboard, and he hurt me several times. But I didn't say anything, I didn't want to make him stop, because I wanted to see more and to experience more, because usually these military guys don't let me know anything of what they are doing. But it hurt so much once that I did say "ouch".

I was wondering how the General could hurt a woman like me? I wanted to ask him why he was hurting a woman and also why sometimes he would say scary mean things to me. How he could do that to me? But I didn't ask. And I know that the military is scared of ETs like me. It's just sad that he has to look at me like some military target, and not see that in spite of our differences and even though he fully knows that I am an Arcturian, he can still hurt a woman?

The General has told me that they are using Reptilian technology. That is how they are able to bring me to the hospital in Syracuse by a "UFO", and not "an ambulance", like he told me. Malik was helping the General to cause me pain. You know how the Draconians can possess my body, and the body of other humans, and then the mind and body of the Draconian is so interlinked with mine, that everything the Draconian does, causes my very own hands or body to move alike. That is how Red Reptile Hamish and me sometimes breathe together, in sync, but his breathing being the one that dictates.

Malik turned up and he made it so that the General and I were not only seeing each other. Because I could see the General in his office. He has a huge office with a red carpeting and a desk, but he made it so that our minds and bodies were connected. The General's body was across my body, just like how the Draconians put their own bodies into mine. And so when the General took his own hands to make a fist, it made my own hands do the same. Only his hands had so much more strength in them than mine, that doing so hurt my hands.

The General told me that the Zeta Greys had been preparing me for them, for the military. The military guys call themselves "the MKULTRA team", and they say they are going to be watching me closely because I am an ET Starsoul incarnation. They also tell me that I have twelve strands in my DNA, and the General wants me to teach him about string theory and other advanced Arcturian topics.

I feel like a cattle, like a donkey that has been beaten by its owner, but only to pass it on and sell it for a few cheap bucks to someone else who is going to use and abuse it even more. The aliens were helping the US military to tackle us Starseeds. So with the help of alien technology from the Zeta-Draconian team, they are now able to abduct me, monitor me, talk to me telepathically, and now also possess and move my body for me.

So the Zetas get my DNA and they make hybrids out of my eggs. The Zetas also have male hybrids come in to have sex with me so that the hybrids can learn sexual reproduction and the Zetas can study the techniques. They also bring my own hybrid children here to see me in my room, and the children get to watch everything that I am doing. Lady Zeta Grey sometimes gives me commands, commands that I can't fully publish here because at times she will ask me to do some adult things.

But Lady Grey and her group have also started crossing some more lines. The sexual advances and usage of my body do not only occur during nights and abductions when I would be unconscious. Even though I did wake up that one time in a sexual encounter with one of the Illuminati hybrids. They do the weirdest thing, I will be here in my room and I will see this place and their place at the same time. And they do sexual things to me. But not just that, even far worse, or more. The other day I was on the phone and [absolutely most definitely censored from this website]. And today on the bus, [I swear this is so censored I can't even tell you]. Please read the second book in the series to find out exactly and explicitly what they did to me. I want to tell but I can't here. It is far too graphic.

The Orion man came in for a visit recently and told me that he is no longer working with me. They had never even said goodbye. I miss them dearly. And I miss my Dinosaur! He is so cute! Oh how I love the Dinosaurs! And what will I ever do if Red Hamish were to abandon me? I have been taken from the arms of my original ET team, to whom I had become so acquainted, and so cruelly handed over to Lady Zeta, the Nazi lady. And she in turn has handed me over to General Patton.

I am tossed between these two cruel teams, who both despise me, but they both need me so damn much. The Zeta team need me for my eggs and my DNA and for the sex education I can offer, and the MILABS MKULTRA team are using me to try to keep me under, to try to keep me from remembering my Arcturian origins, and they are extracting alien information from me, anything that could be of use to the military intelligence. I have been interrogated, electrocuted, intimidated, dragged around, drugged, molested, and raped, by the US military who are using alien abduction technology to do that.

Why me? Because I am especially useful to the Draconian-Zeta team. My DNA is rare and useful to them. And as for the military using me. They wanted to keep me under and prevent me from being who I am, as a Starseed incarnation. But both groups disrespect me, they mistreat me. Zeta team treats me like an animal, like cattle, like an inferior but also ugly creature. The military, these big strong men, treat me - and I used to be a little 14-year old girl when they begun - like some serious threat military target. And they sexually rape me, just because they can. And also to hurt me more. Because I'm not allowed to be here.

But the only thing that really hurts me, is that they never let me know. I only want to be conscious and awake during my abductions, both abductions. I need to see and feel what happens to me, because otherwise it stays inside of me like a question. And the question burns and hurts more than what they ever could do to me. So when I find out and I remember, I can only feel the relief from knowing. And I get to own my experiences, I become entitled to my emotions, I become who I am finally, as a person who was defined by what they did to me.

It is a life I cannot share with anyone else, because when I try the rest of humanity cannot understand. This is a space drama, and I'm part of it because I am an alien by incarnation. So I have no comfort or understanding to obtain from anybody in the human race. I am surrounded by billions of humans, but not one of them can know me, understand me, feel me, or see who I am or where I am coming from. I have no one, except the perpetrators themselves. Hamish and the General are my only support. When Hamish breathes with me, and when he says his sweet little things, that is when I am with someone who knows about me. He knows that I have Reptilians in my life, even though we never talk about it. Hamish knows what I have gone through, and that is why he is my very best friend.

As for the General and all the others in that team, they mean the most to me than anybody else in this world. Because they are the only ones who can save me. Having been abducted by the military and waking up in the mornings crying and sobbing out of terror and fear, they steal me from myself. And when I try to feel what I am feeling and, like I say, "own my experience", I have to tell myself on behalf of the human race, that everything I am feeling and everything that I am does not exist. And the pain of that is so great, that it greatly diminishes any pain from what actually happened, and so when the General and his team give me knowledge, they give me my life back. And for that I can only be grateful.

I wish to go back to that hospital in Syracuse. I wish to wake up there again in my hospital issue clothes and blue slippers, and find Malik the Black Reptile standing there in the hallway, his handsome reptilian self. And I want to see all these men and alien Zetas who are doing things to me. And I want to be there conscious and clearly remember, and own my experience. Only then can I wake up from that and have my knowing. Rather than wake up with a question.

I want nothing more than to rest in the arms of my Hamish. (Ok, maybe not, cause he uses his arms to put dead Dinosaurs and bodies into his mouth and also he really smells.) But I want to just spend time with them, in silence even, just to catch up and fill up and know that is who I am. And I want nothing more than to have more conscious abduction experiences with the military men. I want to be there with them and rest and recover and finally know. Then I can be whole and healed and mended and strong. Happy and proud to be both a Zeta abductee as well as a MILABS abductee.

There is nothing they can do to hurt me that is worse than hurting me and not letting me know or remember.

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