<THOUGHTS

Closer to Hamish
October 03 2014

How I desperately asked to get a close encounter with my Hamish Dragon. And how he came over and sat down on the bed right next to me and let me look at him. And how I was almost allowed into the Reptilian spaceship to meet Turuok the Crocodile Man, a black Reptile, and my Hamish. Closer, but still want closer than that.

When you love a dog you want to have it resting on your lap on the sofa, you want times when you get to cuddle it. When you love a friend you want to meet them and get together and have meaningful times together. When you love family you need to see them from time to time. But when you love a Dragon it's all of these. I love him stronger than I ever did my cats or dogs. He is the best friend I ever had. And I love him deeper than I ever felt before for any of my family. So when I don't get to hug him or see him close, it hurts.

Hamish doesn't love me. To Hamish, I am "eggs". Whenever I say or do something, Hamish says that it was "his eggs" doing it, or saying it. If he closes his eyes because I love him, it's because "his eggs" like him. If I call for him, it's "his eggs are calling". So he doesn't recognize, or care about me, at all. He probably couldn't care less about me. So it's a one-way street, our relationship. I love him. And he doesn't care about me.

Hamish is not a mammal. If I think about wanting to hug him and I show him the mental images of what that would look like, he thinks it means I might be wanting to bite him. And he doesn't understand cuddles or hugs or touching. Us mammals are stupid, Dragon doesn't relate to that yearning I have of just touching him.

My eggs were, with mine. They were with mine, buttercups here. They were mine! I have watched you sleeping here, that is why I was here. I have watched you. Mine buttercups, were mine I said. I was with them. - Hamish

Hamish calls me buttercups because they think that using my eggs is as harmless and simple as pollinating flowers in a greenhouse. The other day Hamish actually called me nasturtiums.

So yesterday my yearning to meet Hamish grew stronger and painful and I started whining to the Reptilians. I figured I must talk to whomever was in charge over there. The Reptilians told me that the Pentagon gets to decide and has said no that I can't meet with the Reptilians. I demanded to get to talk to Pentagon about letting me meet my Reptiles. So telepathically I got to talk to them, the Pentagon man said that humans get killed "down there", I assume he meant underground Reptilian bases. Even the dark Reptiles who were "on the line" concurred that yes humans get killed down there. It seems that Reptiles are unreliable and can kill a human almost "just like that" "for no reason". It seems very dangerous to be with them.

I explained my heartache to the Pentagon man about my love and friendship to Hamish. I said to him that Hamish would never kill me, because he is guarding the eggs. I said I would feel safe with Hamish guarding me. (Hamish has guarded me from other Reptiles, who want the eggs, plenty of times before.) I also said to the man that if I die down there then I would demand that only Hamish gets to eat my organs, because he has wanted to eat my "liver snacks" before. I mean I was willing to go see Hamish in a Reptile bunker even if it meant a danger to my life. I just know I need to see him. So it seems some kind of permit was made, at least a partial one, because later that night when I had gone to bed, Hamish came to visit.

The Aliens are in another dimension (it is called an "overtune" or "overtone", a place in between dimension 2 and 3) and in another place. They can establish a mental telepathic connection between their place, and mine. That is how we can hear each other's thoughts in telepathic communication. They are the ones who enable that communication link, I am just there using it. It is their "phone lines". And they enable us to see each other's whereabouts, and our own too at the same time. They can also do something where it feels for me as if my body is gradually transported little by little from my own place and bed and to a table there in their locale. Last night I was transferred in that way to their locale by more than they usually allow, but I was not taken there fully, which is regretful. I was there, as opposed to here, by 50% or more, which means I was only here in my home partly. How this all works don't ask me, I am not a rocket scientist, it is their alien technology, far more advanced than human technology.

Before the group of Reptiles would come to visit, Hamish told me several short one-word references for "rocket", which after a few puzzled moments I finally figured out he means "space rocket", he was talking about their spaceship.

Then came to visit a Crocodile Man. He said his name is Turuok, or was it Turuak. (I think it was Turuok.) I remembered that this same Croc Man had visited me earlier. Now that I check my records he had visited as "Turok", which a reader of my website had noted is also the name of a video game series involving dinosaurs and reptilian creatures. To my recollection I had no knowledge of such a name or game. And who knows where the Reps get all of their names from, I've got to hand it to you Reptilians come up with the most puzzling names for themselves. My black Reptile recently announced that his name is Anselm. Yes, Anselm. What? Ok. I told him it is a splendid name. He has also contemplated on the name Eugenius for himself. Oh you got to love the Reptiles, and what goes on in their minds. Aren't they neat and awesome? Aww.

So, Crocodile Man Turuok was visiting. He is an upright standing black Crocodile Man with a long snout. His eyes are black. He was wearing some type of clothing or utility belts. He showed me what might be a wormhole, it was a cylinder in space which connected two ends, two different universes were writhed and connected at ends by a cylinder which was mostly white inside. Turuok told me something about how the cylinder contorts "space and time". His home world was at the other side of that tunnel. He has come from a long way from here.

Turuok was the leader in the room. I was shown the smallish room in their spaceship. It was fantastic, made in black and dark colors. I should say it looked very sci-fi, I was very impressed. There stood Turuok to the left, and another black Reptilian to the right. The Reptiles communicated about how they do wars and made threats about violence toward me. They called me "dog" many many times, with mental images of various canines. "Dog" is their way of expressing that I am meant to be regarded as an inferior race. I was respectful and cautious and I reminded them all that I really wanted to see Hamish.

Turuok said to me that he, the Croc Man himself, could have sex with me. The Reptiles were offering me to have Turuok the Crocodile Man as my boyfriend. It seemed that the Reptiles were concerned because they know I want to find a (human) boyfriend soon and start dating. They figured they could keep things within our Reptile scheme if I just accept a Reptilian as my boyfriend. I declined the offer, and nothing ensued either. (I've had sex with a Croc Man, it was probably Turuok himself, in the past. But it's not something I allow or encourage them to do.) Turuok talked about how they need human genetics in order to better their own Reptilian races. That is what they are doing. They also talk about many wars that they have been in. They talk about how they mine for "ions" that are used in explosives, and how they could blow up planet Earth would they choose to.

Hamish came to me in my own home and sat down on the bed right next to me. I was allowed to see Hamish very clearly, much more clearly than usual, plus that he was so close to me. He is not one to sit down next to me on my bed. I don't think he's ever done that before. Now something I have to make clear. I've said this before. Hamish has two forms of visual representation. One is a bright almost glowing fire engine red almost cartoon character Hamish in which he stands tall to appear more human when he knows that I am looking at him. When he knows I am watching him he usually makes the effort and conscious choice to get up tall on his two legs so that I would recognize him more from my own human outline.

I do that not to scare you. - Hamish
Hamish. I know Hamish. But you can be yourself too. Your other posture is cute too. - me

But his normal posture is what I call the "camel posture", while he is on two legs he is very hunched with his back pointing right up with that back cushion neatly displayed and his arms and head forward, aha think of it more like a t-rex posture but even more stretched forward. And when Hamish is, well just being Hamish, not only has he this posture but he has less of a fire engine red "glow" and can appear darker and sometimes even more brown and his face looks a bit different, less cartoon and more animal or insect-like even.

So Hamish sat down next to me on the bed in his bright glowing fire engine red. Can you imagine a huge reptile man who sits down on the bed and looks at you? And when that Reptile is your long lost beloved friend? Of course I had tears in my eyes. This magnificent naked scaly man. With his body movements you could see the elegant slick motion recognizable from snakes, such magnificence and perfection which is instantly admirable and handsome. Such a gorgeous pristine creature. He was more snake, than man. Yet I felt someone living, a person

I hadn't washed, before I met you. So, did you notice, that I had an aroma? That I wasn't all, "slick"? That I had an odor, I meant, about my body? So, not, slick, as you say? I wasn't washed. I wasn't a washed Dragon. I wasn't slick. I was with my, aroma here. It helps my women recognize me. As a Dragon! So, no, slick. A Turtle? With Dragon smell? So, no, slick. - Hamish
Hamish, I didn't notice a smell about you. But I have smelled you before and it is ok. I don't mind your aroma, you smell like a Dragon, so it is ok. - me
My eggs thought so. - Hamish
Your eggs thought so. - me, meh
I was with the space-rocket team, first. And then they saw me! And some of them were here! - Hamish
I wanted to see you Hamish. I missed seeing you. I wanted to be with Dragon Turtle. You were my friend, I said to them and to you. My best friend, was Hamish, was you. - me
My slick dragons? - Hamish or a black Reptile
She called us slick. - black Reptile
How dare she. - black Reptile
Don't worry about it. I probably used the wrong word. - me
I would blow you all up, if I didn't want to do that first. - black Reptile
.. Don't worry about a word. - me
My pets! My canines! My concubine. - black Reptile
Ok. - me
What hurts first? Not seeing him, or seeing me? - black Reptile, him is Hamish
Not seeing Hamish is what hurts. I want to see Hamish, my Turtle Dragon. He is my friend. - me

Yet it was not a snake sitting there next to me on my bed. He felt like a snake, that cold animal totally void of emotions who is only looking for prey to eat and would coldheartedly kill and devour a creature. Yet he was also a person. It was the combination of a snake animal reptile, and a person a man who I know as Hamish. If I were a millionaire I would pay millions just to sit next to Hamish for a few minutes. It was that priceless. I wanted to never leave his side again. I am no longer good without him. He is magnificent.

I wasn't wearing any underwear. So I wasn't saying Tik Tok about that! - Hamish, Tik Tok means palate click, to be pleased
But Hamish. You don't need underwear. You're a Dragon? Tik Tok I love you. - me

Hamish sat there right next to me and he looked at me and I didn't want to be silly and cry but my eyes were moist but I held the tears back. He was still shrouded in the other dimension, but more visible than they usually allow. This big Snake Reptile. They have a proportionally small head.

Then Hamish was in the "rocket" in the room with Turuok and the black Reptile and it seemed as if they were gradually transferring me to that table there in that room. They were warning me that Reptiles smell bad, I said I don't mind just make sure you have oxygen there for me and at the right pressure so that I can breathe, they said they know all about that and I said that makes me feel safe going there. Hamish who was looking at me was having some thoughts about eating my liver, like he usually does. He can't help himself. When he takes a look at me he thinks about my tasty liver snacks. It's an impulse he cannot stop and he doesn't try to stop it either. And I don't mind. It's Hamish, he is a Dragon Turtle. Let him be a Dragon and think what Dragons think.

I told Hamish that it was "my liver snacks" because my liver keeps me alive I need it in order to live. I reminded Hamish that if my liver is eaten then the eggs die, so I am sure he won't be eating me any time soon. The other Reps there were showing me closeup mental images of Hamish. In close and real life, he looks hideous. He looks like the intimidating creature that he is, like a big monster that would eat your liver snacks. There is never anything loving or tender in an encounter with Hamish.

My, no, tender? Why, no, tender? Why no chicken snacks? Why no tender? - Hamish gently asks now
Because I was afraid of you. Because you wanted to eat my livers. - me
I only eat your kindergarten kids. - Hamish
I know Hamish. But sometimes you look at my livers, and you want to eat them. Then I feel a little bit afraid. But I love you Hamish. - me
My Christmas comes soon, then, Santa. - Hamish says and thinks about as if he were wearing a red Santa's hat
My favorite time of the year. - Hamish
Why, Hamish? Do you get presents? - me
Yes, ovum. - says Dragon and closes his eyes in a smile

I never got farther or closer to them than that. I wanted to. But even if I did, then I don't get to remember. I really want to.

We are storing our weapons there. On that, other side of the universe, on that other side of the galaxy. We go there to retrieve them! No one can get to them first! That is why we use them! Hah ha! - Turuok about why they use the wormhole
Like I said to you yesterday, I am just a girl. I don't deal with weapons, with explosives, with war. Let men handle that. I just want to deal with my friendship with Hamish. Nothing else matters to me. - me

I love someone who shouldn't be loved. But I would die for that Dragon.

Die for us? - black Reptile, otherwise Hamish
If I had to, to save Hamish. I would do anything for him. I love him. - me

I just heard the chyme from I got a text message on my phone, my purse is on the living room floor I go to it, check the message put the phone back and come back to the computer. "It was my purse", says a big red Dragon Turtle who is in the other dimension in my living room. "It was your purse, Hamish", I say to Dragon and realize I love him so much that it hurts.

A few minutes later Hamish shows me the most heartless thing. It seems he has been watching me even when I was a child, long before I even knew of him. And he remembers everything he sees.

My buttercups were mine? - Hamish
My Turtle Socks were Dragons. - me

He shows me a scene which I remember from when I was 10, 11 or 12 in school in wood craft class making little metal pieces on which I had placed different colored powders that would melt and stick to the metal surface. Hamish tells me completely without words but by showing me the images and how he is thinking and feeling

I was saying, that it wouldn't have said Tik Tok. So you don't need to say Tik Tok to me anymore. I was not in your arts and crafts store! - Hamish
You should go to the cold room for that. - Auntie Thuban comes to say to Hamish, Hamish thinks about how he doesn't want to go to the cold room

He told me that just like that piece of metal I had made wouldn't have spoken "Tik Tok" to me

She gives us our boys. Show some respect and dignity. - Thuban to Hamish
She doesn't want to be in the cold room with me, she had said to me. - Hamish says to me about Auntie Thuban I think
I was just making, a warning, about Tik Tok. - Hamish explains to Thuban, again showing the image of the blue metal piece I had made as a child

That I shouldn't be saying Tik Tok to Hamish either. That to him, I was just some inanimate piece of object, a crafted thing. It was so cruel and heartless I nearly had to decide to tell myself to move on. To stop loving him. To go out and find real love in my life, and forget about Dragons. How has he nestled into my heart so well? Because of the times we have had? Because of the life he is that I love him for so much? Because he doesn't return it to me at all. Can I love someone who will never love me back, who doesn't know what love means? It is interesting that Auntie came for my defense.

I wasn't with the cold room anymore. - Hamish
No! I wasn't! - Hamish yells at Auntie and he thinks about the smell of blood in his nostrils, though when he thinks that he always thinks as if there were blood in his nostrils, which there never is

The cold room is a place where the Aliens put other Aliens to punish them. Dinosaurs are put there all the time, when they refuse to do work assignments. It is just an empty large dark room with a colder temperature. It makes them slightly uncomfortable, I think it makes them slow and sleepy, but it doesn't seem to hurt them in any way. I don't want them to put Hamish there ever.

No. Don't put my Hamish into a cold room. He is my friend. No, cold room, I said. No cold rooms. Yes-No, cold rooms. Yes-No. - me
It was my purses, I said to her. And she didn't say no. - explains Hamish to Thuban
It was Hamish's purse. He keeps his lipstick and cellular phone there. - me

My sleep-chambers were always harassed by them. They always come in, tearing us all apart! I wanted them to say, No! - Auntie tells me about how Reptilians always come into the Thuban and/or hybrid sleep chambers to cause a scene
We always thought we would be dead when they came. But then some of us survived. Some were left with bad injuries. Some were shot to death! - Thuban Auntie tells me
Does this happen often? Are the Reptiles insane? Are they that brutal and violent? - me
They make us take the eggs from you, and we are very sorry. - Thuban Auntie
It's ok. When can I visit you? - me
So? We have stolen your eggs? And you want to meet me? What makes you want that? What makes you want that, too? You have eaten sugar. It is incompatible with our projects. Our ovum cannot fit with there. You have to take the sugar out of your mouth. - Thuban, I ate candies just a few minutes ago, and ice-cream too heh, and I'm about to have a small soda
No, take it out of your mouth. - Thuban
On one condition. - me
Can't you see that I am the queen here? - Thuban says, turns around and lets me see her
"I am the nasturtiums", she has said. - Hamish tells Thuban
When can I visit you? Then I will take sugar out of my mouth. - me
We are not living here in hotels. These are our homes. And they have taken them, and flooded them. They take us out and away, all the time. They take us!!! - Thuban
There were no nasturtiums that knew we were peaceful. - Hamish tells to Auntie
If I can come there and visit you then I will not eat more sugar I promise. But I have to come and see you first. - me
They have taken us apart, picked us. - Thuban says, the Reptiles kill and break apart Thubans
I am sorry. It pains me. Do you live in fear? I am sorry, Hon, Honey. - me
They take, the bad ones out. - Thuban
Are you a good one? Will they leave you alone? - me
That depends, on what you do to the nasturtiums. - Hamish says to Thuban in a slightly imposing way
My small chair. - Hamish said in my native language, he just claimed some item that he saw in the Thuban facilities
When can I be there to come and see you for a while? - me
We are not with mild temperate rainforests anymore. They took us from there. They were villains! And now we can't sleep here anymore! They take us! And they drown us! They take us down. Yes, Hinch. - Thuban, Hinch means No in the Thuban language

By the way, Hinch is pronounced Hinn-ssh. I don't know. Hamish doesn't love me.

My buckets? - Hamish just saw a bucket there in the Thuban quarters and claimed it as his own, to show dominance

Hamish doesn't love me.

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