I didn't mean to do it!
June 10 2013


I pulled Hamish's pink bathroom rug off the bedroom floor and placed it up on the living room coffee table and put my two books The Orion Project: Real? Or Imaginary? the hardcover and paperback books on it and then rigged up a webcam and was working on making a video where I talk about the book and read pages from the book. When I was done I threw his rug back in my bedroom I was in a hurry and the rug ended up all scrunched up on the floor.

Hamish looks at the rug. He thinks about all his scales. "This one was on my belly" he says and shows me a large white sheet of shedded scales. He looks and he thinks. I feel him so closely. He is not distressed or upset. But I feel him. And I am so ashamed and I want to hide and curl up into a hole and just vanish and disappear. I had forgotten all about Hamish's shedded scales. Just because I can't see them in this dimension doesn't mean they aren't real over there in Hamish's dimension. Hamish is the best he isn't angry at me or even upset.

He was thinking and telling me about how I had touched his filth on the rug. He thinks that his shedded scales are something private and embarrassing to him and he has told me he feels about his scales like I would feel about my used pads. I have touched and been all over his rug and the things he puts on that rug. He uses his rug as a grooming station. I've seen him wiping his feet and his poo and pee on the rug. I forgot all about it and now I've been touching everything and Hamish was looking at me and I feel so ashamed.

Earlier today Hamish was telling me that this is his pyy-pyy and that he wants me to bleed for him and he wants to drink my juice. Pyy-pyy is my ladyparts and Hamish wants me to have period blood for him. The Draconians drink my period blood. And I told him yes yes it is his pyy-pyy and he can drink my blood and juice and I would give him anything I have. Hamish got so pleased he started doing palate clicks after palate clicks. And now I've defiled his rug and ruined everything. His grooming station. How could I be so stupid to forget how much that rug means to him, and that he has his shedded scales all over it? I can't believe I did this to Dragon, and how gentle and sweet he is about it.

It's when you love someone so much that you can really hurt yourself when you think you've done something wrong to them. I would do anything for my fire engine red Dragon Turtle. Anything at all.

It had my shit. - Hamish says now, the word shit in my native language otherwise in English
I am sorry Hamish! I forgot! - me
It doesn't matter. I have my eggs. My pyy-pyy and my juice I will drink. - Hamish says, juice in the other language

Hamish takes his shedded scales so seriously. They mean the world to him. And he collects them on the bathroom rug. He also wipes his feet clean on the rug. He loves that rug, he can spend hours just standing on that rug and looking all snug and comfy like a bird roosting on a nest. How could I take his rug and think that I could film something on it. I forgot. I totally forgot.

I would live and die for my Dragon. I would do anything for him. I love you Hamish. I really really love you.

I don't want hearts from you. - Hamish, with image of like hearts
I am sorry Hamish. I forgot about your rug. I didn't mean any harm. - me
I won't bite on it! - Hamish
I am sorry Dragon. I am so sorry. I will never hurt you again. - me

Hamish brought in the Dinosaur to put all the scales back on the rug. Dinosaur squatted down before the rug for quite a while, gently collecting the scales and trying to put them back on the rug in the right arrangement. Oh I felt so ashamed.

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